


The Story of Cassandra Jansen

by AliMoore



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Discussion of Abortion, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 92,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24679027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliMoore/pseuds/AliMoore
Summary: Cassandra's life was pretty normal, she went to work 5 times a week, enjoyed lunch dates with her friends, spent way to much time on the couch watching trash TV, got black out drunk on the weekends and woke up not knowing where she was.But all that is about to change after she receives some unexpected news that she's not mentally or emotionally ready for.Daryl Dixon x oc
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 49





	1. Meet the OC's of this story

_**Cassandra Esther Jansen** _

**Age:** 27

 **Height:** 5'3

 **Occupation:** Animator

Cassandra was born to parents, Joanne and George Jansen on May 11th 1983.

She has an old sister, Hazel and two half brothers named Michael and Joshua Sutton. Her mother married Dominic Sutton, who she met at church when Cassandra was 6 and Hazel was 10.

Her mother is highly religious and follows the bible like it's the law. However, Cassandra is the complete opposite, she thinks the bible is a load of bullshit that people use as an excuse for being an asshole. This difference in opinion caused a lot of tension between the two which would sometimes result in things becoming violent.

At the age of 17, Cassandra left home and moved in with her best friend, Adam. This move allowed Cassandra the freedom to experiment and was the start of her self destructive behaviour.

Three words to describe Cassandra's late teens and early twenties would be Sex, Drugs and Partying. Her first few months at college are a complete blur, she knows the basics of what she did but if you asked her for details she's got nothing.

Thankfully, she learnt rather quickly that anything stronger then weed didn't agree with her. However, this meant that she would turn to sex to fill the void the drugs were helping her with.

**_Adam Kirk_ **

**Age:** 27

 **Height:** 5'11  
 ****

 **Occupation:** Personal trainer

Adam was born on January 18th 1983 to Sarah and Paul Kirk. He has two older brothers, Felix and Owen.

From a young age, Adam knew he was different, he wasn't into the same things as his older brothers, he preferred to play with more _'feminine'_ toys such as Barbie dolls. Fortunately for him, his best friend was a little girl so he could get away with playing with them in front of his family without anyone batting an eye.

It wasn't until he turned 12 that he realized he was gay, he had his first kiss with a girl from his class called Fiona and that's when he realized that it wasn't doing anything for him and he would much rather be making out with her older brother Jason.

The only person who knew about his sexuality for years was his best friend Cassandra, they had always had a very open relationship and would tell each other everything. Nothing was off the table with them.

He had come out to his parents on his 21st birthday, he had brought the guy he had been seeing for a few months home to celebrate his birthday and introduced him to his family as his boyfriend. His family took it rather well considering they were super religious and had said a few less than kind things about homosexuals in the past.

He's a bit of a party animal like his bestie Cassandra, however, he parties to have fun and let loose, not to hide from his demons in a haze of drugs and alcohol.


	2. The Start of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra finds out some life changing news.

_**Warnings: Mentions of abortion** _

**August 7th 2010**

When most people find out they're pregnant it's one of the happiest moments of their lives, but for Cassandra, nothing about that moment made her happy. "Fuck...fuck...fuck" Cassandra looks down at the plastic stick in her hands, the two pink lines that just ruined her life clearly visible. "This isn't happening... it... it can't be"

Cassandra sat there on her bathroom floor, silent tears falling down her cheeks, her mind racing with thousands of thoughts all at once. Does she call someone? But who? Maybe her mom? No, that bitch would just tell her _'this is God punishing you for being a massive whore'_ Like the dude cares about her sexual exploits, she's pretty sure he has more important things to worry about then some 27-year-old who likes to occasionally have fun with men she doesn't remember the names of.

It felt like she was there for hours just staring blankly at the pregnancy test _(In reality, it had only been a couple of minutes)_ when a knock on the door broke her from her trance-like state.

"Cassandra, are you okay? You've been in there for a while, are you still feeling sick? Do you need me to get anything?" A worried voice says from behind the locked door.

Cassandra takes a deep breath and sighs heavily before replying in the sweetest voice she could muster at the time. "I'm okay, Adam. Just go to work I'll see you later" There's a long pause before the voice (Adam) replies. "Cass open the door..."

After another long pause, the bathroom room opens slowly, reliving a red-faced Cassandra. Adam was quick to wrap her into a warm embrace upon seeing her fragile state. "Hey shush, I've got you." He says rubbing her back giving her the comfort she didn't realize she was in desperate need of.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Cassandra shakes her head before burying it into the crock of Adam's neck.

Adam lets out a sigh "I can't help if I don't know why my best friend is currently soaking my shirt with her snot" He takes her face in his hands, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Whatever it is I'm here. We're a team remember?"

Without saying a word Cassandra walks back into the bathroom, she emerges a few seconds later with the positive pregnancy test sitting in her outstretched palm. The colour drains from Adam's face as soon as his eyes meet the object.

"Is that...?" He slowly takes it out of Cassandra's hand. "Holy fuck Cass! You're... you're pregnant... how did this happen?"

"Well, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much..." She starts sarcastically.

Adam sighs heavily. "That's not funny Cassandra, I thought you were always careful"

"I am!"

"Clearly you're not" He waves the test in front of her face.

She snatches the test from Adam's hands. "Stop judging me, it not like you're 100% safe with every guy you sleep with either"

"You're right, but the difference is I'm not at risk of getting a little bun in my oven" He takes the test back. "Do you even know who the dad is?"

Cassandra gives him her best bitch face. "What!? It's a valid question, you do have some whore tendencies"

"Pot, kettle"

"Shut up, so who did you let stuff your turkey"

"It doesn't matter because I'm getting my turkey unstuffed" Both Cassandra and Adam grimace with disgust. "Okay that sounded gross"

"You're getting rid of it?"

"Obviously" Cassandra rolls her eyes.

"That's a big distinction Cass, I think you need to spend more time on it then what 5 minutes?"

"You're right" She taps her finger against her chin in mock thinking. "Okay, I've thought about it... and my decision is... I don't want it. There see I've spent some time thinking about it, I'm going to give the doctor's office a call see of that can fit me in at lunch"

Adam places a comforting hand on her shoulder "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"This is the best option for everyone involved, I'm not fit to be someone's mom, Adam. This kid should be thanking me, I'm saving it from a shitty life" Adam looks deep into her eyes searching for any hint of doubt, not finding any he rubs her cheek with his thumb.

"Make an appointment for later, I'll drive" He places his forehead onto Cassandra's "We do this together"

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

Cassandra walks out of one of the examination rooms with a piece of paper in hand. She quickly makes her way over to Adam who's sat in the waiting room looking like he's about to die of boredom. His face eminently brightens upon seeing Cassandra, the knowledge that they would be leaving this depressing place soon filling him with overwhelming joy.

"So how did it go?" Adam asks, practicality running towards Cassandra.

She hands him over the piece of paper in her hands. "I'm about 9 weeks, so I'm still early enough for the pills to work" Cassandra informs him as he reads over the letter. "So no operation?" Adam asks, taking his eyes off of the information booklet for a split second.

Cassandra shakes her head and turns the page he's reading to show the medication they need to go pick up from the pharmacy "We just need to pick up these pills and the nurse also suggested I pick up some painkillers, a hot water bottle and some sanitary towels as some women experience mild to extreme cramping. It's basically like a really shitty period"

Adam lets out a long sigh before looking at Cassandra's smiling face. "I think it's a bit more than that Cassandra. I don't think this is something to laugh about, you need to take this seriously"

Cassandra's smile fades as she takes in the look of disappointment on her best friend's face. "I am taking it seriously Adam, I'm about to have one of the worst experiences of my life" She takes a deep breath trying desperately to not let her emotions take over. "All because I'm an idiot and let some asshole stick his unwrapped dick in me"

Cassandra hastily wipes away the tears that had begun to fall. "I just want this over with" She takes a deep breath. "I need this to be over"

Adam pulls her into a tight hug, running his fingers through her long brown hair. "I didn't mean to make you cry..." After a few moments, Cassandra pulls away from Adam's embrace.

"Come on let's go get all of your shit" He takes her hand and leads them both towards the exit. "Once we're done we can pick up some pizza for dinner, sound good?"

Cassandra lets out a moan of pleasure. "Barbecue meat feast with a cheese-stuffed crust?"

"With garlic bread and mozzarella sticks?" Adam suggested. Cassandra stops and grabs Adams arm, pulling him towards her. "Marry me?" She says in a completely serious tone.

"In a heartbeat, baby girl" He places a small kiss on her forehead.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

"God I hate traffic" Adam moans from the driver's seat. Cassandra grunts in agreement.

They had been going at a snail's pace since leaving the hospital 2 hours ago. The trip to the pharmacy would take them into the city of Atlanta, as the town where they live didn't have the meds they needed. Even with this diversion, the trip should only take about 30-40 minutes at most. After another 55 minutes, both bodies present in the car were tired, hungry and unbelievably bored.

"So you wanna play a game?" Adam asks, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

"Not really" Cassandra mumbled, her eyes never leaving her phone. Adam rolled his eyes, before muttering "Fine be boring"

"Could you at least make yourself useful and check to see why we've been stuck on this God damn road for fucking hours?" He asks, slightly irritated.

Cassandra grumbled something under her breath before doing as Adam asked. "Atlanta has been designated as a safe zone"

"Safe zone?" Adam asks, taking his eyes off of the stalled traffic ahead, looking over at Cassandra waiting for her to continue.

She nods her head "Yeah something about people going crazy and trying to eat each other"

"They on drugs or something?" Adam leans over trying to get a better look at the news article Cassandra was reading.

"No, apparently this has something to do with that weird illness going round"

For the last few weeks, the news has been filled with crazy stories about people getting sick and trying to hurt their loved ones. The military was called into most of the major cities not too long ago, but the government assured the public they had nothing to worry about as long as they didn't come into contact with anyone who they suspected might have the virus.

"So it sounds like we might be here awhile"

"Fan-fucking-tastic" Adam grumbles, hitting his head on the headrest.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

The sun had gone down hours ago but Adam and Cassandra were still parked in the same position they were hours before. After sharing a slightly stale breakfast bar Cassandra found at the bottom of her bag, Adam told _(more like demanded)_ Cassandra to get some rest. He could tell today's events had worn her out more than she was letting on.

His theory was proven correct when instead of arguing with him she got comfortable in her seat and rested her head against the window, placing her feet into his lap a few moments before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

20 minutes passed before a knock on the driver's side window caused Adam to jump out of his skin. Adam rolled down the window slightly to talk to the man on the other side. The first thing Adam noticed about the guy was the way he carried himself, he was clearly a cop or something similar, he practically screamed _'I have authority, everyone listen to me'_ which was definitely Adam's type.

"Hey man, sorry didn't mean to scare ya" The mystery man whispers, clearly trying to be considerate of the sleeping woman in the passenger seat.

"It's fine, just wasn't expecting it is all. Do you need something?"

"I've been going car to car checking if anyone has any more information on what's going on"

"Oh, well I'm sorry we can't really help much, we didn't even know about the safe zone till we got here" Adam laughs "If we did we would have packed more than a couple of stale breakfast bars"

The mystery man's eyebrow hit his hairline. "You don't have any supplies?" He asks suddenly, very concerned about the young couple in front of him.

"No... we only live about 30 minutes that way" Adam points in the direction. "Once they get the traffic moving again we'll just turn back and go home, got everything we need there"

Mystery man runs a hand down his face before speaking "You can't go back, have you seen what's going on?" Adam shakes his head sheepishly. "Not really we've um... we've kind of had a busy day, haven't had time to check the news"

"It's the end of the world, man. Corpses are rising up and eating people you go anywhere unarmed and you and your girl are both dead"

Adam looked into the eyes of the mystery man trying to see if he was indeed trying the truth, Adam was about to answer when a petite woman with long brown hair approached, her green eyes clearly showing her panicked state.

"Shane" The mystery woman addresses the mystery man now known as Shane. "The group a couple of cars down said that one of their friends inside of Atlanta said the military has stopped letting people into the city, apparently they're turning them away"

Shane places a hand on her shoulder, gently pulling her away from Adam's car. "Lori, I told you not to leave the car. Where's Carl?"

Lori rolls her eyes, getting annoyed with Shane's overprotectiveness. "He's fine, he's with Carol, I wanted to help, we need answers, Shane. It's getting late and Carl's hungry. We need a plan"

"We should try and get closer and see what's going on," He turns to Adam. "It looks like Atlanta might be a bust, I don't feel right leaving you here without any gear. You're welcome to come with us, just pack up anything useful and meet us over by that car over there" He points to a car a few cars down the highway. Shane gives Adam a nod before walking off with Lori. Adam leans over and gently shakes Cassandra's shoulder.

"Cassie wake up, we have to go" Cassandra groans in protest and buries her head into the seat. Adam bites his lip to stop himself from laughing, now really wasn't the time. "Come on baby girl, I would let you sleep but we really do need to leave"

Adam exits the car and walks over to the trunk, as he pulls out a large gym bag, a very grumpy Cassandra exits the vehicle. This time Adam does laugh, how could he not, she looks like a fussy 2-year-old, she's got the pout down and everything. "We need to pack anything we have that's useful, I meet a guy who said he'll take us with him"

Cassandra's brow furrows as she walks towards Adam "Aren't we going to Atlanta?" Adam shakes his head. "They shut down the city, no one in or out"

"Why would they do that?" Cassandra asks, rubbing the remainder of sleep from her eyes.

"Maybe they..." Before Adam could finish, three large military helicopters flew overhead causing everyone to cover their ears, the noise was deafening. Seconds after the helicopters flew over their heads the overwhelming boom of bombs being dropped fills the air.

"Holy shit!! Did they just..." Adam grabs a stunned Cassandra's arm and starts running over to the car Shane pointed out earlier.

"Everyone in the car now!" Shane shouts running full sprint towards the car, Lori close behind.

Everyone does as they're told and jumps into Shane's car, Shane and Lori sit upfront whilst Cassandra, Adam and Carl take up the back seats. As soon as all the doors are closed Shane quickly starts the car and begins to try and manoeuvre the car away from the highway.

He surprisingly makes the whole thing look easy and effortless, even though it can't be with this many cars on the road. They continue to drive down the road until they reach a sign for a quarry. "We could set up camp there, it's far enough from the city that I think we should be okay" No one verbally answers Shane all too terrified by recent events to have the mental capacity to form a single word.

As Shane pulls out to the quarry he notices the convoy following a few feet behind. He turns and faces the other in the car. "Adam we should check it out, everyone else stays here and don't move'' His eyes lock onto Lori. "I mean it this time Lori, we don't know these people, they could be dangerous" Lori just nods her hand at Shane as he and Adam exit the car and head over to greet the other survivors.

Lori exhausts a large breath before turning in her seat, she gives Cassandra a warm smile before offering her hand. "I'm Lori" Cassandra takes her hand and shakes it "Cassandra"

"That's a pretty name" the small boy sitting to her right says, Cassandra smiles down at him. "That's very nice of you to say..." He smiles back at her. "You got a name, cutie? Or should I just call you cutie?" She gently takes his face in her hands so she can see his face better. "I mean look at this face and these eyes I think cutie fits you perfectly"

The boy goes bright red clearly embarrassed by the older woman's words, he starts to stutter unable to form any words. His adorably flustered face and his inability to hide the smile on his face is enough to send both of the women in the car into a fit of giggles.

"Thank you" Cassandra turns to look at Lori, confused as to why the woman would be thanking her. Her confusion must have shown on her face because Lori was quick to answer her unspoken question. "I haven't seen him smile like that in a while, we've um... had a hard couple of months." Cassandra gives Lori a warm smile which to her surprise is reciprocated by the tearful woman.

The slightly sombre silence is broken by Carl's small voice. "My actual name is Carl Grimes. But you can call me Cutie... if you want that is..." He mumbles the last part clearly losing the confidence he started his sentence with. And just like that, the atmosphere changed back to one of happiness.

Cassandra couldn't stop a big smile from forming on her face, this kid was going to ruin some poor girl's life with his overwhelming cuteness one day.

"Well, it's very nice to meet you, Carl" She holds out her hand which Carl shakes with vigour, a huge grin on his face.

After a few moments of silence, Shane and Adam return. "We're making camp here tonight, Dale the old guy has a few spare tents we can use, were going to have to share until we can find some more"

Everyone in the car nods at the idea before exiting the car. They all make their way over to the strange group of folks ready for the inevitable boring and tedious introductions.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

The next few days consisted of getting to know the rest of the members of this weird ragtag group they've found themselves in.

The first person to greet Cassandra was an older guy in his late 60's he wore a stupid flowery shirt and a fishing hat. He looked like he should be laying on a beach somewhere not in the middle of Georgia. He introduced himself as Dale before handing her a tent for her and her _'boyfriend'_ to share.

Cassandra had to bite her tongue so as to not laugh in Dale's face. She was used to people thinking her and Adam were in a relationship, the pair have been inseparable since they met in Catholic school at the age of 7.

Before Cassandra could correct Dale, Adam grabbed her face and gave her cheek a sweet kiss. He gives Dale a nod in thanks before taking Cassandra by the hand and walking to their designated area of the camp to set up camp so they could get some much-needed sleep.

The next morning almost everyone was set around a makeshift fire pit in the middle of the camp. The Peletier family sat at their own little camp a little ways away from the rest.

Cassandra had met the family briefly before she sat down for breakfast, Sophia the daughter was super cute and shy, she went bright red and hid behind her mother sheepishly when Cassandra had tried to talk to her.

Carol seemed just as lovely as her daughter but when Cassandra met Ed she knew instantly that he was a fucking waste of oxygen. It was his idea to move his family away into their own camp, isolating them from the rest.

That was the first sign for Cassandra that Ed was a dick. Even the Dixon brothers _(Who were less than welcoming)_ ate with the other members and even though Merle was a bit of a pig and Daryl didn't really speak they were kind of fun to be around.

Well for Cassandra at least, they were the type of guys she's always got on with easier. Even from a young age, the _'troubled and flawed'_ people were her crowd. She and Adam both saw themselves as members of this elite group of weirdos.

Cassandra hadn't really spoken to Daryl in the few days they had been living in their little camp. Not from lack of trying she had asked him a few days ago if he needed any washing done and he just walked away from her without saying a word she didn't even get one of his signature grunts in response. She tried not to take in personally, I mean the dude only really spoke to Merle and occasionally Shane to tell him he was going hunting. Everyone at camp knew he wasn't much of a talker unlike his brother _(cue dramatic eye roll)_

Merle Dixon didn't have an off button if his body was awake his mouth was talking bullshit. He would say any crazy shit that came to mind no matter how insane or offensive it was. By the end of day one at camp everyone wanted to sew his mouth shut but Cassandra was pretty sure even that wouldn't stop the talkative redneck.


	3. Draw me like one of your French girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big secret is revealed to the camp, much to Cassandra's dismay.

**Cassandra's pov**

It had been 9 days since Atlanta was bombed and the world ended. Everyone minus the Peletier's _(fucking Ed)_ Adam and Glenn were sat around the campfire watching as the rabbit Daryl had brought back from his morning hunt cooked slowly.

Adam and Glenn had gone on a run to the town where Adam and I lived. We had been trying for days to get Sahne to agree to let at least Adam go back and pick up some of our shit. We were sick of having to borrow other peoples supplies, it didn't feel right. But if I'm honest it was mostly because I was sick of having to wear the spare underwear of someone I barely knew, just take a moment to think about how uncomfortable and horrific this whole situation is. Right now I'm wearing the satin pink panties of a 23-year-old girl I met 9 freaking days ago! 

Shane the asshole didn't seem to care when I voiced to him how unpleasant I felt about the whole thing, he just told me _"We can't waste the fuel on non-essential trips"_ and yet we have enough fuel for him to take Lori to a nice secluded spot to fuck in the mountains. How that is an essential trip I have no idea _(Hypocritical bastard)_

Anyway, enough of my awkward underwear situation, the trip to mine and Adam's old apartment building became a priority when Adam suddenly remembered that our crazy neighbour Mr. Sanders had been one of those doomsday preppers. He had been hoarding canned food, bottled water and multiple weapons in anticipation for the end of the world in 2012 which he was so sure would happen. Turns out he was right just a little off with the timing. As soon as Shane heard about the stockpile of supplies he agreed that Adam and one other person could go and scout out the place. 

And that brings us back to now, Adam and Glenn had left just before 9 am it's now 4:45pm to say people were on edge would be an understatement. Shane was about ready to flip his shit, and Dale who had become somewhat close to Glenn in the short time of being at camp looked to be getting paler as the hours went on. 

Was I worried about Adam? Absolutely! Did I have a tiny mental breath down when they hadn't arrived back at midday as they had planned? No… it wasn't a tiny one, I had a full-on panic attack. Adam is like my sail; without him, I would be stranded at sea. _(Beautifully poetic, I know)_ If he was dead then I was following right behind him, I'm not letting the dude run hell without me, sorry inside joke you see me and Adam both agree there is no way either of us is getting anywhere near heaven so we decided if we're destined to hell then we might as well rule that shit. And besides, I would look smoking in leather, dark make-up and a crown. Do you think I could convince Glenn to find me a crown on his next run if… When! When he comes back, what if he got trapped somewhere or what if...

I'm pulled out of my thoughts before I enter a dark place by Amy's sweet voice. "Here you go Cassandra" She hands me a small plate of meat and tinned vegetables with a small smile.

I nod my thanks as I take the plate from her. I place a small piece of the meat into my mouth and chew slowly trying hard not to gag and show the group how sick the taste of cooked meat has been making me feel for the last few days. I continue to eat the rest of my meal slower than I normally would hoping they would all just contribute my weird behaviour to our missing group members and not the fact that my hormones have decided that the taste of cooked meat and the smell of anything sweet makes me want to empty what little I have in my stomach.

When they say pregnancy hormones are weird they are completely understating just how fucked up they really are. Just yesterday they decided that every little bit of physical contact I got turned me on, and I don't just mean, kind of turned on I mean full on I need to be fucked right now or I'm going to explode turned on.

It got so bad that at one point later on in the day, Dale touched my shoulder to get my attention for something and I almost begged him to fuck me up against the tree I was sat near. _(Yes freaking Dale!)_ I've never been so mortified in my whole life and that's coming from someone who's mother caught her giving her then-boyfriend a blowjob at age 16. That was not a fun experience as you can imagine, especially considering my mother is a religious nut case, her punishment for this unholy act was cruel and unusual but in the end, it worked, I never gave my boyfriend a bj in my room ever again. We would do it at his house or in his car instead. 

By the time everyone had finished their dinner the sound of an engine echoed throughout the quarry. Everyone’s heads snapped to the direction of the noise at the exact same time. _(It was kind of spooky honestly)_ As soon as I saw the familiar sight of the shitty car Adam had claimed for runs I was out of my seat and off running towards him. He had barely gotten out of his seat before I came crashing into him wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, almost knocking him onto his ass in the process. 

"Missed you to Cassie" He jokes, moving his hands to keep me in place around his waist. "Didn't mean to scare you sweetheart" He whispers into my ear as I rest my head in the crook of his neck.

"You said midday Adam, it's way passed fucking midday" I say moving my head to look directly into his eyes so he can see just how angry I am with him right now. Although I don't think that's the emotion my slightly watery eyes are portraying at this moment in time. 

"We kind of got a little sidetracked" He says looking at Glenn sheepishly. 

My eyes widen and my mouth hangs open slightly in shock "Adam you didn't!"

He lets out a loud laugh at my actuation before he slowly removes my legs from around his waist and helps me to the ground. "No that's not what I meant, I'm pretty sure I don't have a chance with him anyway, dude spent the whole trip asking my advice on picking up the ladies" He leans in to whisper into my ear. "Apparently a certain blond has caught his eye" He nods over to where Amy was standing next to Glenn and her sister. 

Glenn must have felt our eyes on him because he turned to look at us, as his eyes met mine I moved my eyes from him to Amy and wiggle my eyebrows in a playful manner. His eyes go wide and he turns a dark shade of red before he averts his eyes away from me. I let out a breathy laugh at his reaction. He was definitely the easiest member of the group to mess with which provided me endless amounts of entertainment.

Adam took my hand in his and walked us over to where the rest of the group. I take up my previous seat, Adam takes the one next to me. Which I'm grateful for, now I get to use he's comfy legs as a pillow whilst Shane tears him and Glenn a new one. As I rest my head on his lap, Adam starts playing with my hair like he always does when we're in this position. I lift my legs up to rest against the log we're sitting on, I'm not the tallest person ever so my whole body doesn't take up much room, however, my feet are pushed up against Daryl's legs not that he seems to notice or if he does he doesn’t tell me to move so I keep them where they are. 

I let out a relieved sigh as I push myself further into Adam's thighs. How can someone be almost pure muscle and be so comfy at the same time? My eyes flutter closed as he uses his other hand to gently rub my arms and back. All the worrying about him I was doing today has definitely tired me out.

"You sure you two aren't together? Ya are one move away from spooning" Merle’s grating voice pulls me from my relaxed state, I internally roll my eyes at his statement. I feel Adam's body shake as he chuckles slightly.

"I'm not much of a spooner. I prefer to love 'em' and leave 'em' that way the guy doesn't get the wrong idea, you know?" Adam says looking directly at Merle, who didn't seem pleased at what he was insinuating. 

"What are you insinuating? I ain't no fairy like you!" Merle shouts. 

"Shame..." Adam lets his eyes roam over Merle's body, mockingly checking him out. "I like a guy who's a little ruff around the edges the sex is always incredible, they're always a little insecure so they try extra hard to please" 

"Isn't that the truth" I mumble. 

Merle goes bright red with anger but before he can go off on Adam, Shane steps in and stops him in his tracks with one stern "Merle" 

Merle breathes out heavily from his nose before stomping off back to his and Daryl's shared tent.

"You shouldn't aggravate him" Shane says, dragging one of his hands down his face as he turns to look Adam in the eyes.

"But it's so fun" Adam jokingly whines.

"It was kind of funny" Glenn says with a hint of a smile on his face, that quickly disappears when Shane gives him the 'look'. 

"So, are you two idiots going to tell us why it took you almost 5 extra hours to get back?" Shane asks, taking his seat next to Lori, their legs just barely touching. 

Glenn looks over to Adam before clearing his throat. "We um… we had to pick up some extra supplies" he says sheepishly not making eye contact with anyone.

"What kind of supplies?" Shane asks the annoyance with how vague Glenn's answer was shown on his face.

"Um…." Glenn stuttered.

"Glenn?" Shane pushed now even more annoyed than before.

"Jesus Christ" Adam mutters. "I took us on a little detour, Glenn told me we shouldn't that you would be pissed at us for being late and wasting gas but I had to get something that's really important, so I didn't really care" 

Shane's face twitches in anger. "What was so important that you had to risk not only yours but Glenn's life in order to retrieve it?" 

Adam gently lifts my head from his lap so he can stand and retrieve a bag from his car. As soon as I see the familiar bag my eyes start to water.

"You didn't" My voice breaks slightly, showing my emotional state. I can see everyone's brows farrow as they try to figure out why I would be getting so emotional over a bag.

"I couldn't let you lose these" Adam says, holding out the bag for me. I take it with shaking hands, I run my thumb over the engraved name on the buckle before opening it.

"Adam…" Is the only thing I could say before I start to full-on sob. Adam reaches over and removes one of the sketchbooks. "I found most of them at home but I remembered you liked to keep this one at work so a small part of him would be with you as you worked" He hands me one of my dad's old sketchbooks. The one he was working on just before and after he got sick, this one always held a special place in my heart, it is filled with drawings of him throughout his life. He wanted to immortalise himself in some way and in his words _'I can't string two words together but, Damn can I draw'_ I pull the book into my chest.

"Thank you" I look over to Glenn "Both of you, you have no idea what these mean to me" Glenn gives me a warm smile.

"What is it?" Amy asks softly.

"They're mine and my dad's sketchbooks" 

"You risked your life for books?" Shane shouts jumping up angry from his seat.

"They are not just books, they are the only things I have left of my dad" I say wiping my cheeks. "He died when I was 8" I laugh bitterly. "Cancer's a real bitch" 

Lori grabs Shane by the arm and pulls him back into his seat. "We're sorry to hear that sweetie it's never easy to lose a parent. I lost my dad when I was 34 and it destroyed me. I couldn't even imagine what you must have gone through at such a young age" She says sweetly, I give her a small smile in thanks for her words.

"Gordon Jansen, is that his name?" T-dog asks pointing to the engraving on the bag.

I nod slowly "Yeah" 

"You said some of them are yours, are you any good?" Dale asks.

"I would hope so, I have an art degree and I worked as an animator for Keating animation studios" 

"Did you work on Sunny and the hell-mouth?" Glenn asks practicality falling out of his seat in anticipation for the answer.

"Yeah, I was the animator for Zara the succubus from season 2 onwards"

"That's so freaking cool. That show was freaking awesome, the action scenes were incredible, the gore looked so realistic even though it was animated. One of my favourite scenes was when Sunny had to fight the Prince of Hell and his hoard of demon/vamp hybrids, they looked so cool and messed up" Glenn pure childlike wonder managed to put a smile on everyone's face. Minus Shane's, of course, he still looked like someone shit in his cereal.

"Can we see some of your drawings?" A small voice from behind asks and I turn to see Carl standing there looking a little sheepish. 

"Carl you're supposed to be in bed" Lori gently scolds him.

"I'm not tired" He takes a seat in between me and Adam. "So can we see them?" He gives me an adorable smile.

"Sure cutie" I pull out the sketchbook that is full of concept art for some of the kid cartoons I've worked on.

His eyes brighten as soon as he opens the book. He turns the page until he finds a drawing of Captain Slow beating up a bank robber. "This is so cool! Did you work on Captain Slow?" He asks with the same look on his face, Glenn had earlier. 

I nod my head as he turns the book around and shows everyone else my work "Is that the one about the superhero?" Lori asks, Carl nods his head enthusiastically. "He has the power of slowing down time, he uses it to take down petty criminals and the criminal mastermind Lord Donovan" I lean over him slightly and turn a couple of pages until I reach a drawing of Captain Slow tied to a table as Lord Donovan gives him his evil monologue. 

Carl looks up at me with pure joy on his face. "You are so cool" I chuckle at his compliment. 

"Drawing cartoons is fun but I prefer doing more realistic stuff" 

"Like what?" Andrea asks, I hand her another sketchbook that's full of photo-realistic portraits. 

Andrea's mouth falls open in shock. "These are stunning, how do you do this?" 

I shrug my shoulders. "It's just something I've always been good at, I could look at someone's face of a few minutes and memorize it enough to draw a portrait of them weeks later"

"That's fucking creepy" Daryl mutters under his breath, obviously louder then he wanted as everyone’s eye at camp snap to him as they heard his words.

"So you don't want Cassandra to draw you like one of her French girls, Daryl?" Morales asks with a cheeky grin on his face.

I let my eyes roam Daryl's body, much like Adam did to Merle earlier. God, what I wouldn't do to just get a little peek of what's under this guys dirty shirt. "I would do you justice, I'm very skilled when it comes to the human anatomy" I say in a flirty tone of voice. He goes bright red at my words and the little wink I give him. I can't help but smile widely at his reaction, I can't believe I just made the great emotional black hole that is Daryl Dixon blush. _(I'll wait in anticipation for my medal to arrive)_

Without saying a word Daryl stands up and walks away. This causes a choir of laughter to echo throughout the camp.

"On that note, it's getting late we should all get some rest, Dale you're on first watch, Adam second and I'll take third. Night everyone" Shane orders as he stands up and leaves the camp.

«----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

_**2 weeks later.** _

So turns out the end of the world kind of sucks, you're constantly dirty, tired and hungry. God am I hungry, not that you could tell by the way I'm standing here struggling to close my jean button. My tiny baby bump _(one of the signs that there's a parasite living inside me)_ making it look like I've been stealing rations, in reality, I've been doing the opposite. Eating isn't exactly enjoyable right now it's more of a chore.

I take another deep breath, hold it and try to do the button up but fail yet again. "This is such bullshit!" I growl, turning slightly when I hear the flap of my tent opening.

Adam stands there smirking at me as his eyes travel down to my slightly exposed belly. "I'm sure if you ask Glenn he'd get you some proper maternity clothes. You could ask him for some prenatal meds too" 

"No!" I say, still struggling with my jeans. _(God Damn buttons!)_

"Why not?" He asks, slowly placing his hands on my wrists stopping my movements.

"Because then people would find out about the little parasite" I say through gritted teeth.

Adam narrows his eyes at my words, clearly not appreciating the new term for the thing growing inside me. I don't care if he doesn't like it, that's exactly what this shit feels like.

He takes a deep breath, clearly trying to keep his annoyance with me under control, before he removes my hands from my jean button and replaces them with his. He effortlessly buttons my jeans _(fucking asshole)_ before speaking. "They're going to find out eventually Cas, you can't even button up your jeans anymore. It's getting more and more noticeable" 

He lets out a long sigh before continuing. "I know you want to act like this isn't happening but it is, Cass. You can't just ignore it and hope it goes away, you're pregnant and you need to tell the group. You should be getting extra food and we should be looking out of baby formula, diapers, shit like that" 

He takes my face into his hands, making me look into his brown eyes. I try desperately not to fall into them, they hold such warmth that as soon as I make eye contact with him my eyes start to sting with tears. "I'm not just worried about the baby Cass, you're so focused on trying to ignore what's happening to your body that you're not listening to it when it's screaming at you to take better care of yourself. Have you seen what you look like recently?" 

I angrily remove his hands from my face. I know he's right and that just pisses me off more. Since the start of all this, I've lost a lot of weight, my usually tanned skin is at least 10x paler and the bags under my eyes are insane. In all honesty, I could easily be mistaken for one of the dead in the right light. It's not like I can help it when my body is fighting against me at every turn.

"I know I look like shit Adam you don't have to remind me" I try to leave but his hand on my wrist keeps me in place.

"That's not what I'm saying Cassandra I just…" He sighs. Keeping his voice calm in an attempt to defuse my bubbling anger. "I feel like I'm losing my best friend and I'm trying not to push but I can't keep sitting back and watching the woman I love slowly wither away" His words feel like tiny daggers stabbing me straight into the heart.

He hesitantly places his hands back into my face, slowly closing his eyes and resting his forehead to my own. A small gesture we've been doing since we were kids, that shows just how much we love and need each other. This one small action alone would be enough to send the tears in my eyes tumbling but they don't fall until he mumbles. "Don't leave me" And just like that, a broken sob leaves my throat.

I pull him into a tight embrace, hanging on to him like he is my lifeline. "I won't, I won't. I promise" I manage to choke out in between very unattractive sobs. 

He uses his thumbs to gently wipe away my tears. "When I told you we're doing this together, I meant it. Don't think for a second you are going through this alone" He looks into my eyes and gives me a warm small _(God I love this man)_

I give him a weak smile back. "If I ask Glenn to get me some materiality jeans on his next run will you stop bugging me?" I nudge his shoulder halfheartedly. 

"I would really appreciate that. But you're going to have to tell the rest of them at some point" I let out a shaky breath and give him a slight nod. 

I exit the tent with Adam close behind, he walks over to Dale as I head over to Glenn who's in the middle of trying and failing to flirt with Amy. It's honestly hilarious how terrible he is at flirting, it's like watching a train wreck, you know you shouldn't watch but you can't look away.

I take a deep breath before walking closer to the pair. "Hey Glenn, you got a minute?" 

We walk away from Amy a little. "Cassandra...yeah hi...sure… What do you need… are you okay?..." He squeals out, obviously embarrassed he's been caught in the act.

I bite my lip trying hard not to laugh right in his face "Glenn please stop talking" I joke.

"Right sorry" He mumbles, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I need you to pick me up some um… god, this is embarrassing" I place my face in my hands. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder and remove my face from my hands. "It's okay you're not the first female to ask me to pick up some tampons, I was planning on looking for them on my next run anyway" He gives me a warm smile, trying to make me feel more at ease with the situation.

"I don't need tampons" I sigh. "At least not for a while" I mutter under my breath, Glenn doesn't seem to hear me as he doesn't react.

His eyebrows narrow in confusion "Then what do you need? What's more embarrassing than telling some guy you barely know that you're menstruating"

"Glenn?..."

"Yeah?"

"Never say the word _'menstruating'_ again, got it?" I narrow my eyes, playfully.

"Right" He goes bright red in embarrassment, yet again. 

"Anyway I don't need tampons I need to pick me up some materiality jeans and maybe some other shit"

"Wait, why do you need materiality clothes?" His face is pure confusion until the realisation hits him. "You're pregnant!?" Glenn blurts out causing everyone at camp to turn my way, looking at me with wide eyes.

"Glenn!" I hiss.

"You're pregnant? Why didn't you say anything?" Dale scolds me lightly, from his camp chair near the unlit fire pit.

Lori walks over to us and places a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You should have said, you've definitely not been eating enough for two, we should double your rations''

"No, we don't need to do that” I sigh heavily. “Look I don't need any special treatment, okay? I just wanna forget that this thing" I point down to my slightly swollen belly. "Even exists"

"Why? Aren't you happy about being pregnant?" Glenn asks, his eyes flicking between my eyes and stomach in confusion. 

I let out a humourless laugh "Happy? Why the hell would I be happy? Do you know what we were doing before we got stuck in that traffic jam? I was on my way to collect my abortion pills, but because my life is just one big old shit show the world had to go and end leaving me with this parasite growing inside of me" I finish my rant and storms off back to my tent, leaving everyone completely speechless at my revelation and subnational outburst. 

«----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

A few hours later I emerge from my tent and walk over to the campfire where the rest of the group are sitting eating dinner, I take my usual seat in between Adam and Daryl. Some of them give me a few awkward smiles but most are clearly trying to look anywhere but me. Lori walks over and places a plate of meat and beans into my hands, I thank her before hungrily devouring the whole meal. I was so angry earlier that I might have skipped both breakfast and lunch today, hiding and brooding in my tent. _(Don’t say it, I know I’m a child)_

The camp filled with an awkward silence as everyone ate, everyone trying desperately not to mention the elephant in the room, not wanting to anger the hormonal mother to be any more than I already was. However, Merle Dixon either didn't get the memo or just really didn't give a shit _(Knowing him it was probably the latter)_

"So you really knocked up?" He asks with a devilish grin coating his feathers. 

"Yep" I groan, keeping my eyes fixed onto the food in front of me and not the asshole redneck to my right. 

"I thought you were just getting fat" He sniggers.

"Thanks" I roll my eyes.

"Nothing wrong with that, ain't got no time for any skinny bitches. You need something to hold onto" He does a grabbing motion. "I hear pregnancy sex it fucking wild man" He laughs and licks his lips in what I guess he thought was a sexy motion. _(It was not, try more creepy)_

If this was his idea of flirting he was seriously missing the mark, news flash male population every woman does not want to sleep with you. 

"Is that your way of asking if I'll have sex with you?" I inquire in an utterly bored tone.

He shrugs nonchalantly "What else are we gonna do?" 

He does kind of have a point, it's only been about 3 ish weeks since the world died and already most of us are so bored that doing chores is the highlight of our day. I never would have thought that washing somebody's dirty underwear would be the only entertainment I have. Well, that and messing with Merle Dixon.

I bite the inside of my cheek before looking over to Merle with a smirk. "That's true, and these hormones are making me super horny" I run a hand through my hair seductively. A move that's made a fair few men fall to their knees, which was always very appreciated. 

"Yeah?" Merle's eyes widened slightly in surprise.

"Yeah, so maybe you're right I should get laid" 

"You should and I think I know someone who would be willing to help you with that" He licks his lips looking over my body like a ravenous animal, about to pounce on its prey.

I lean over Daryl's lap placing my hands on the other side of him, trying to get as close to Merle as I could. "Yeah me too" I bite my lip, seductively at Merle before jumping onto Daryl's lap, straddling his waist with my legs, hooking my arms around his neck. "Hey, Daryl do you wanna have sex with me?" 

Daryl turns bright red, keeping his hands firmly at his side. Although for a split second they did twitch like he wanted to grab my hips. _(Not that I would complain if he did)_

"I'm good" He mumbles, trying not to look at me or any of the others who are watching the whole show with amused faces.

"Well, you know where I am if you change your mind" I remove my legs from around him and sit back down in my seat like nothing happened.

"That's real cold sweetheart, leading a guy on like that then trying to seduce his brother" Merle places a hand over his heart, faking offence.

I look over at him with the sweetest smile and the most incident doe eyes I could muster. "Not my fault your baby brother is the cuter Dixon" 

"Oh you're trouble mama" He chuckles.

"You're not the first guy to say that" I smirk

"Oh, I can imagine" He says winking at me before turning back to his meal clearly finished with the back and forth teasing. 

It's peaceful for a while, no one really having anything to talk about. Until the sweet baby boy, Glenn remembers he had yet to hand out everyone's special requests. He stands quickly and rushes to the car we use for runs _(AKA Adam’s new baby)_ a few moments later he hurries back to the camp.

He stands in the middle of the circle, opening the bag in his hands. "I forgot to hand out these earlier" He pulls out a nice bottle of strawberry shampoo with a matching conditioner and hands them to Amy with a sheepish smile.

"I didn't even ask for this, thank you Glenn" She quickly stands and gives Glenn a brief hug. "How did you know I like strawberry shampoo?" 

He turns bright red, his mouth opens slightly like he's trying to speak but no words come out. It's so cute to watch, he is completely flustered. His eyes start to dart around the campsite looking to the others for help. He looks like a lost puppy and honestly it's too hard to resist.

"You told me last week that you were running low, so I told Glenn about it" I replied, looking at Amy with a smile. She nods at me before taking her seat again.

I turn to look at Glenn who looks back at me with utter gratitude. He mouths a 'thank you' as he goes back to his bag of goodies. 

"Anyway, I got other stuff too" He starts handing out things to the others. T-Dog gets a 6 pack of Pepsi _(apparently Coca-Cola can 'suck it')_ There are a few chocolate bars for the younger members of the group, Lori gets a pair of hairdressing scissors which caused a groan from Carl and a few chuckles from the rest of camp at his disgust for Lori's haircuts. Adam gets a new backpack _(his last one broke after a run-in with a group of geeks)_

Lastly, he turns to me suddenly looking super uncomfortable. He takes a deep breath and rubs the back of his neck before pulling out two pairs of jeans. "I was going to ask you what your size was but you were kind of…" He trails out not wanting to say that I was being a moody bitch. 

So I answer for him "It's okay Glenn you can say it, I was being a complete bitch, I know"

"You had every right to be I did kind of tell everyone your secret that you trusted me with" he walks over and hands me the jeans. "I'm really sorry about that by the way, I was just so shocked by the news that my brain didn't stop my mouth in time"

"It's okay Glenn it's already been forgotten and I forgive you"

"Oh, so I guess you don't want the surprise I got you to say sorry, then?" He asks with a cheeky grin, obviously knowing that I definitely want whatever this _'surprise'_ was. I hold my hands out in a give me motion. Glenn smirks at me as he pulls something out of the bag and hides it behind his back.

"When I went to ask Adam your sizes, he told me that you were having cravings, so…" He holds out a bag of large gummy bears. I squeal in excitement. It's true my body has been craving sugary snacks for days, but not just any sugary snack. No, it only wants gummy bears. _(I have no idea why like I've said hormones are crazy)_ Before Glenn has a chance to say anything else I jump up and pull him into a hug.

"You're amazing! You know that right?" I hold his face in my hands. He gives me a sheepish smile, looking down at his feet.

He removes my hands from his face. "Can I have a couple as payment?" 

I narrow my eyes at him playfully. "You can have the green ones, they suck" I hold my hand out for him to shake. "Deal?"

He laughs then shakes my hand "Deal"

I hand Glenn a few green gummy bears the pop a handful of them into my mouth. When I go to sit back down I notice my previously empty plate is now half full. I pick up the plate and sit down, looking at Adam questionably, he just smirks at me and looks pointedly at Daryl who's absentmindedly playing with one of his bolts.

"You don't need to give me your food" I whisper to Daryl, who doesn't even look at me as he grunts his answer in topical Daryl fashion. _(And I would be lying if I said that noise didn't do something to me)_

"But thank you anyway, just don't make a habit of it, people might get the wrong idea" I lean in closer my mouth brushing against his ear briefly. "They might start thinking you have real human emotions" I laugh a little at the death stare he sends my way, there's no real anger behind it which only makes me smile more. Daryl Dixon likes me. 

"Shut up woman and eat your damn food" He mumbles, standing up and leaving.

I give him a small smile as he looks back watching me, making sure I'm actually eating the food. _(Like my hungry ass is going to turn down food right now)_ once he's satisfied that I'm actually going to eat the food he so nicely gave me he continues on his way to take over watch from Jim.

Adam nudges my arm with his "I think you're in there, play your cards right and you could be having redneck sausage for dinner tomorrow" He wiggled his eyebrows at me. He's such a child but that's why I love him.

"You're disgusting… but some sausage would be amazing right now" We both burst out laughing, at the double entendre.


	4. 59 Days without an accident.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything at the quarry had been running smoothly, until one trip to Atlanta changed everything.

It has been 59 days or almost 2 months since the world ended. Everything at camp was running like clockwork, Glenn was our go-to supple runner, Daryl would go out for daily hunts, the men would do most of the patrols/watches and the women do all the jobs like washing, cooking and watching the kids.

Today started just like every other day, we all had breakfast together then Daryl left right after to go out on a hunting trip. We are starting to run low on a few supplies so Glenn and a few others just left to go into Atlanta, Glenn wasn't really happy about taking so many people but Shane didn't care. _(He never does)_ He just told him _'Just get it done, Glenn'_ and walked away. 

My job for the day was to entertain the kids, which I happily agreed too. I wasn't really in the mood for anything more physical. Doing hard labour in the beating Georgia sun and being 17 weeks pregnant is not fun. I honestly don't know how I'm going to do this for another couple of months. 

"How do you do that?" Carl asks me pointing to my drawing of Sophia holding a bouquet of flowers with a flower crown on her head.

I shrug "Lots and lots of practice, I would draw all the time when I was little. My dad would tell me If I was ever upset or stressed to draw away all those bad feelings" 

"Did it work?" Sophia asks in a shy voice that was barely above a whisper.

I give her a big smile and nod gently. "Sometimes after my dad died my mama would get really mad at me and I would feel so alone and scared, so I would draw a bunch of characters and make them go on these amazing adventures, sometimes I would pretend I was in their world with them and we would go on the adventures together" I start to draw a sketch of a little boy with long blond hair and large brown eyes, who was wearing simple clothes and a cap with a large capital B in the front. The kids all watch intensely waiting to see the finished product.

Once I was finished Carl was the first to speak up "Who's he?" 

I run a finger over the drawing with a small smile. "Oh, everyone this is Barry Bumble, Barry this is everyone" I talk to Barry like he was real, causing the children to laugh at my behaviour. Lori and Carol who are sitting close by sorting our supplies, both give me warm smiles clearly trying not to dissuade me from talking about my past and making the kids laugh. It's always nice when the kids laugh, it makes the world a little less dark for that brief moment.

I start drawing the other members of the chaos crew. A blond girl with blue eyes and glasses, a tall boy with long black hair tied up in a ponytail and a girl with wavy red hair wearing a beautiful floral dress.

"What does Barry do?" Sophia asks.

"He's the leader of a group of misfits called the _'chaos crew'_ they like to play pranks on people'' I start to draw myself as one of the members.

"What kind of pranks?" I look over to Carl who has a miscellaneous look in his eyes, his mind running wild with ideas.

I gesture from them to come closer and whisper. "That's a secret, only members of the crew get to know the details of the operations" 

All the kids make eye contact, obviously having a silent conversation that I don't understand. When they finish Carl turns to me with a determined face. "How do you become a member?"

"A member of the crew has to invite you then you have to do a prank to initiate you fully into the fold. Lucky for all of you I happen to be a high ranking member of the group so…" I stand up and shank each of their hands. "Welcome to the chaos crew" I sign my name under the Drawing of me before handing it over to Carl and instructing him to do the same next to the Drawing of him. The other's follow after. 

"Who are we pranking?" Eliza, one of Morales's children asks.

"I think Dale seems a little grumpy today, should we cheer him up?" I ask, smiling over at Lori and Carol who look relieved that I didn't choose one of them as our victim.

I take a new place of paper to make a list on. "Any ideas?" 

«----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

An hour later our plan was set and ready to go, all we had to do was wait. Waiting was never one of my strong suits but I was definitely more patient than the kids who had lasted a full 5 minutes before they got bored and went off to find their parents.

Adam and I were in the middle of an intense game of go fish _(We were bored and I don't know how to play poker)_ when the radio sparked to live, T-Dog's voice flowed out of the speakers.

Everyone rushes over, worried about their friends/family who seemed to be still in Atlanta. Dale was the first to reach the radio and asked T-Dog for details on their whereabouts.

"We're... some deep shi… trapped… department store" T-Dog's voice cuts in and out as he talks.

"Did he say trapped?" Amy asks looking around to everyone with a worried face.

"Geeks… over place… hundreds… we're surrounded" At T's words Amy's face goes pale, I pull her into a hug as I move into the action. She starts to cry softly into my shirt, I run my hand up and down her back trying to give her some comfort. I look at Adam overwhelmingly happy that he decided to stay back today to help protect the camp as most of our _'heavy'_ fighters went with Glenn.

Adam looks at me briefly, he looks almost guilty that he's here safe and not out there with them. "He said the department store" Adam said, looking at Shane.

"I heard it too" Dale agrees.

"I know what department store he's talking about if we…" Before Adam could tell us his plan Shane cuts him off. "Not happening" Shane angrily rubs his head.

"We do not go after them. We don't risk anyone else"

Amy lifts her head at Shane's words, she grabs my hand as she talks. "So we're just going to leave her there?" 

Shane takes a deep breath. "Look Amy I know this is hard but your sister knew the risks they all did" Is this guy serious? 

"That's my sister, you son of a bitch!" Amy screams at Shane before breaking down and clinging to me for dear life.

"We have to do something even if you don't care about them" I look pointedly at Shane as I said those words, loving the way his eye twitches in anger. I suppose it should be scary but honestly, Shane doesn't scare me he's just a power-hungry asshole. "That's still almost half our group stuck out there. Every single one of them volunteered to go out and risk their lives to get us supplies including you Shane. We can't just leave them, that's not who we are'' I try to stay calm but the uncaring look on Shane's face makes me want to punch him. He really doesn't care about his own people, I guess if you're not the one sucking his dick or her son he doesn't care about you. Good to know our lives mean so little to him.

"They knew the risks, they knew they might not come back" I gently push a still crying Amy into Lori's arms before walking up to Shane and punch him as hard as I could in the nose, his head flying back from the force. He lets out a string of curse words as he grabs his now bleeding nose, I go to punch him again but a pair of strong arms pick me up and pull me away.

"These are our people, the same people you promised to protect, are you seriously that big of a dick that you don't care if they live or die?" I shout from my position in Adam's arms, he tries to calm me down but at this point it's useless. I'm angry and mix that with my hormones. You have a ‘rage’ bomb waiting to explode.

Shane completely ignores my question, he just looks at me like he wants to kill me for calling him out on his bullshit "Man, you really are a prick" I tap Adam's arm and he reluctantly releases me, I take Amy by the arm and pull her away from the rest to give us both time to cool down.

«----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

It had been about an hour since T-Dog had contacted us for help, the air in the camp was tense and uncomfortable. The sun was due to set soon and there was still no sign of our missing group members, we all knew if they weren't back before then the likelihood they would come back at all would be next to none. You don't stay in the city at night.

Shane was sat with Carl and Lori acting like everything was fine, although his nose was swollen and bruised which definitely put a smile on my face when I saw it, Amy's too. We saw it for the first time when we were leaving her tent after our _‘Shane's a dickless fuck’_ meeting, it was the first one but at the rate, Shane's pissing me and a few other off I doubt it'll be the last.

Amy was highly impressed that I managed to punch a guy over twice my size. Adam, on the other hand, was far from impressed with my actions, I got the full dad speech and everything. _'Why would you do that?' 'What are you trying to prove?' 'What if you got hurt?'_ You know all those questions, that they shout at you way too fast for you to even answer, then get mad when you don't answer. 

Once Adam and I were back on the same page we decided to be useful and head into the woods to collect firewood so we could start a fire for dinner. We had been looking for a few moments before Adam started talking. "Next time let me punch Shane"

I stop in my tracks and raise my eyebrows at him, questioningly. "So you're not mad that Shane got punched, you're mad it was me who did the punching?" 

He stops too. "Why would I be mad that Shane got punched, fucker deserved it" I hum in agreement. "If I was trapped out there I would hope someone punched the dick who didn't think my life was worth anything"

"If he said what he did and you were out there, he would have more than a bloody nose. I would make him wish he was never born, the human body can only tolerate so much pain" He chuckles at the murderous rage that's taken over my body.

"I know you would" He kisses my forehead and continues walking.

"If they don't come back I don't know what we're going to do, most people back at camp aren't fighters" I say, bending down to pick up a couple of sticks.

"They'll get out. Glenn's one resourceful asshole" He smirks and I chuckle a little.

"He is" I nod in agreement.

2 minutes later we've gathered enough wood to keep the campfire going for a few hours so we start to make our way back to camp. As we reach the outside of our camp a loud alarm fills our ears, Adam and I share a worried look before picking up our pace. As we reach our camp the alarm stops, we both smile wildly when we see our missing members back alive and safe.

We both drop the wood near the fire before walking over to the small crowd that's gathered. Glenn and Jacqui give us a warm smile as we approach. I go to ask where T-Dog is but before I could even get a word out, my question is answered when I'm pulled into a huge bear hug, being lifted off the ground slightly.

"Damn is it good to see you, short stuff"

"I'm not that short, T" I roll my eyes at him but the smile on my face clearly shows I don't mind the nickname.

"Right" He puts me down and pats the top of my head like I'm a dog. I swatted his hand away, a few people chuckled softly. 

"How did you get out?" Shane asks.

"New guy" Glenn simply states.

"New guy?" Shane's voice rises slightly in anger.

"Yeah, we would be dead without him" T-Dog says pulling my back into him for another hug, which I completely love. Dude looks like he could kill a man with his little finger but he is a complete teddy bear.

"Hey! Helicopter boy come say hello!" Morales's shouts to the mystery man hiding in the van.

We all wait with bated breath as a man wearing a full sheriff's outfit comes into view. He's looking down at the ground like he doesn't know what to do with himself.

"Dad!" Carl's shout rips us all from our thoughts as he runs into the arms of the mystery man. Lori follows shortly after. They all fall to the ground hanging off each other like if they let go for a second they would disappear. It's a beautiful slight which brought tears to my eyes, I blame it on hormones. _(I blame most things on hormones recently)_

We all walk off giving the newly reunited family some alone time. Adam grabs my hand as we walk, he rubs his thumb over my knuckles. He leans down to whisper in my ear "It is bad that I'm looking forward to the drama that Lori's husband being back is going to cause?"

"I was thinking the same… we are terrible people" I pull him into a hug as we start laughing.

"That we are" He chuckles.

We take our seats at camp. T-Dog starts a fire so Carol and Jacqui can start on dinner which looks to be Squirrel and beans… again. The apocalypse diet at its finest.

"Cassandra!" Carl shouts my name as he runs towards me pulling his father by the hand.

I smile at his joyful face "Hey cutie, what can I do for you?" I ruffle his hair.

"Cassandra this is my dad, dad this is Cassandra. She's really good at drawing and is super cool" He starts bouncing with excitement.

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Grimes" I shake his hand.

"Call me Rick" I nod my head.

"I'm Adam" Adam introduced himself. "Obviously your son doesn't think I'm as cool as she is" He gives Rick a pointed look, knowing full well that the little boy had a bit of a crush on me.

"You're cool too but you can't draw me fighting a three-headed Dragon" Carl pulls out a somewhat crumpled piece of paper and shows Adam and his father.

Rick's eyes widened in shock. "You drew this?" He looks at me and I nod. "This is really good" I give him a small smile.

"Could you do a drawing for my dad?" Carl asks, giving me pleading eyes. 

"Sure cutie" I ruffle his hair again, I look at Rick. "Any requests?" 

"Surprise me" 

"Done" I grin mischievously.

With that Carl pulls Rick over to where he and Lori usually sit for dinner. Lori and Shane join a few moments later, looking tense.

"So how long have you two been together?" Rick looks at me and Adam. 

"We're not together, been best friends for around 20 years" Adam states placing a hand on my knee.

"Sorry I just assumed, you two seemed pretty close"

"I like dudes" Adam explains.

"And last time I checked I wasn't a dude" I add, causing a few people including Adam and Rick to chuckle.

Jacqui walks around the campfire and hands out the food. When she gets to me she stops and gives me that stern look that every mother has down to a tee. "Since the Dixon's aren't here we had extra, don't argue just eat it" She places a hand on her hip daring me to argue with her.

"Thank you Jacqui" I smile timidly before eating.

"Good choice, baby girl" T laughs as he eats his food across the fire from me. "I wouldn't wanna get on the wrong side of that woman" I hum in agreement.

"So Rick, how Did you end up in Atlanta?" Dale asks.

We all listen intently as he explains how he woke up alone from a coma in a hospital and how he found his way to saving our group in Atlanta. I couldn't imagine waking up alone into this world, that sounds terrifying.

"Have you given any thought to Daryl Dixon? He won’t be happy to hear you left his brother behind" Dale inquires.

"I’ll tell him" Shane says, trying to take the lead.

"I dropped the key. It’s on me" T-Dog states.

Rick shakes his head "I cuffed him that makes it mine"

Glenn sighs heavily "Guys, it’s not a competition. I don’t mean to bring race into this, but it might sound better coming from a white guy"

"I did what I did. Hell, if I’m gonna hide from him" T-Dog says firmly.

"We could lie" Amy softly suggests.

Andrea shakes her head at her sister. "Or tell the truth. Merle was out of control. Something had to be done or he’d have gotten us killed. Rick did what was necessary. And if Merle got left behind, it is nobody’s fault but Merle’s" 

"And that’s what we tell Daryl? I don’t see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you? A word to the wise, we’re gonna have our hands full when he gets back from his hunt" Dale looks over at T-Dog.

"I was scared and I ran. I’m not ashamed of it"

"We were all scared. We all ran. What’s your point?" Andrea asks.

"I stopped long enough to chain that door. The staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at any one time. It’s not enough to break through it, not that chain, not that padlock. My point, Dixon’s alive and he’s still up there, handcuffed on that roof. That’s on us."

With that he walks off leaving us with the thought of one of our own stuck on a roof slowly dying of exposure and dehydration. No one deserves that kind of pain, not even someone like Merle Dixon.

Adam grabs my hand and pulls me up from my seat. "We're going to get some rest, night y'all" We walk away with a choir of good night's.

«----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

As we enter our tent, Adam instructs me to sit on my bunk so he can remove my boots. With my stomach growing rapidly every day it's becoming more difficult to reach my feet. 

"They're more swollen than they were yesterday" He starts to rub one of my feet, I close my eyes at the blissful feeling. "Tomorrow, I want you to stay off your feet. We don't want them to get worse"

I lay back on my bed, eyes still closed as he continues to rub my feet. "Can't, I have laundry duty. All us ladies do"

Well, all the ladies apart from Lori, who’s only role in camp seems to be just to sit around and look pretty for Shane. Seriously, what does she do? I don't think I’ve seen her do anything other than collect a few mushrooms, which was just a facade so she could go get fucked in the woods. So as you can see I’m extremely jealous that she’s managed to beat the system, if I knew sleeping with Shane would be the key to never doing anything close to hard work, I would have jumped on the dick faster than a cheetah on speed. Shane might be an egotistical bastard but I've slept with worse for less, so...

"That's mostly sitting, I'll just carry you down to the quarry when you're needed" He goes through my bag and throws me my sleeping clothes. 

Don't you think that's a little extreme?" I start to get changed into my night shorts. "

"We don't have a doctor. If something bad happens we're fucked, I'm just trying to keep ahead of everything" He grabs my belly and couches down In order to talk to it. "We need to make sure you're doing okay, don't we bud. Mama needs to learn to let people take care of her" He talks in that _'baby voice'_ everyone does when they see something cute.

I push him away. "Don't talk to it"

He rolls his eyes. "You can't stop me"

"I know it's just…" I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "It makes me uncomfortable okay, the fact that it might be able to actually hear you kind of freaks me out. I mean there are tiny ears inside me right now listen to everything, that's so weird"

The fact that my body has the capability to make a mini version of me and another person has always kind of freaked me out, right now I have something inside of me that one day will be running around and talking, it's just super weird to think about.

"It's not just ears, there's a little brain, a set of lungs, tiny hands and feet, a beating heart" He places a hand on my stomach. "You have a full human body inside you, it's incredible" 

“Yeah, feeling like shit 24/7 is really incredible" I grumble.

"It'll all be worth it when he's born" He gently pushes me until I'm laying down on my bed. "Now get some sleep, sounds like we have a fun day ahead of us tomorrow" 

"Can't wait" I say with a sarcastic smile. "Night, Adam"

He kisses my forehead. "Night, Cass"

«----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

Morning came around too early my body was screaming at me to go back to bed but unfortunately I had shit to do. I headed over to Carol chewing on my third chocolate bar of the morning. _(The parasite really has a sweet tooth)_ She was in the middle of hanging up some washing when I arrived, she greeted me with a warm smile, which I returned.

"Where do you need me?" I quickly finished my chocolate bar, ready to get to work.

"I need you to take that seat over there and keep your butt planted firmly on it for the rest of the day" She gives me the _'look'_ and I do exactly what she told me to. I don't wanna see a pissed off Carol. _(It's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for)_

"Adam got to you didn't he?" I take one of T-Dog's shirts and start soaking it in the warm water.

She nods "How are you doing today? Any change?" 

"Swelling's gone down, but…" As I stop talking, Carol turns to me with a concerned face.

"But what?" she asks in a gentle tone.

"When I was getting dressed this morning I felt a weird feeling in my stomach, kind of like a flutter I guess" I shrug.

It was the weirdest thing, I was just getting dressed when suddenly it felt like I had live bugs flying around in my stomach. When I look up to Carol she looks over to me with wide eyes. This can't be good, without my premonition my heart rate quickens and my palms get sweaty.

"What is... is that bad?" I'm now even more worried than I was before. That is until Carol places a hand on my shoulder giving me a kind smile as she does.

"Quite the opposite actually. The baby's the size now where you're going to be able to feel it moving around and the feeling is only going to get stronger as it grows. In a few more weeks the movements will be so strong that other people can feel them to" 

I placed a timid hand on my bump "It… it was moving?" I didn't even think about the possibility of it moving around inside of me. I can't tell if it's beautiful or hella creepy.

She places her hand over mine. "It'll start doing it a lot more, you should get used to it. What were you doing exactly when it happened?" 

"I was talking to Adam”

"It was your voice" I raise a questioning brow. "Right now, the baby's ear can only pick up on sounds closest to it which would be the sound of your blood rushing around it and the sound of your voice" My eyes fall onto my belly as she talks.

"Is it normal to feel freaked out about this?" I start to subconsciously rub soothing circles on my belly.

"Oh definitely" She laughs. "It feels like something is trying to dig it's way all of you, how could you not be at least a little freaked out by it. But I promise in a few months those little kicks will fill your heart with so much joy"

Will they? How am I supposed to ignore it if it insists on moving around all the time? Newsflash Kid that's the complete opposite of what I want you to be doing right now, you're really not helping the situation.

"Okay, tell me what's going on in that head of yours" She gives me a small reassuring smile. "I won't tell anyone, whatever your feeling maybe I could offer some insight"

"It's real" She looks at me slightly confused so I explain exactly how I feel. "Before I could just ignore it, pretend that I was sick or my body was trying to kill me but now…" My hand finds its way back to my stomach. "It's visible, and now apparently it's moving around in there making it impossible to ignore"

"You're scared" she turns around to place a pair of socks on the line, not even looking in my direction. "You're scared that if you think of it as what it is a baby, _your baby_ then you'll change your mind. You'll want to keep it and that scares you more than anything"

"I can't be a mom"

"Why not?"

"I just can't, okay?"

"If this is about your mother it shouldn't be. Just because you didn't have the best role model doesn't mean you'll make the same mistakes"

This isn’t about her, well maybe it is a little, she would be having a field day right now if she was here to see this. My whole adult life she’s been waiting for me to screw up and get knocked up, she even started a bet with some of her Church friends after she found out I was sexually active. My own mother put $100 on me being pregnant by 18 unfortunately, for her teen me was so scared of bringing a baby into the same toxic home environment I grew up in, that I secretly went on birth control at 16.

Just as I'm about to explain to Carol, that my disdain for this kid isn't fully because of my crappy mother, Rick Grimes approaches us. He gives us both a bright smile.

"Your stuff is still a little damp. But don't worry the sun'll have them dry in no time" Carol gives him a brief smile before pointing over to his sheriff's outfit on the line.

"You washed my clothes?" He looked genuinely taken back by Carol's kindness.

"Well, best I could. Scrubbing on a washboard ain't half as good as my old Maytag back home. And my assistant likes to moan while she works which slows down the process a fair bit" I playfully throw a sock at her face.

"That's very kind. Thank you" and with that, he was off.

I turn to Carol. "I don't complain"

Carol gives me a _'Bitch really'_ look, which I roll my eyes at.

"Okay, so maybe I moan a little but I'm not as bad as Andrea" Carol hums in agreement.

Andrea rarely helped out with laundry but when she did everyone in camp knew about it, she would complain to anyone who would listen how much she hated cleaning other people dirty clothes. Her complaining got so bad that Shane was forced to move her away from laundry duty and onto food preparation instead. 

I feel a head come and rest on my shoulder with a heavy sigh. I turn slightly to see who it was. "Hey, hot stuff what's wrong?" Glenn hates that nickname which is why I use it at every opportunity. 

"My cool car" He mumbles into my shoulder.

"Did the mean old men take your new toy?" I ask in a sweet baby voice as I run my fingers through his hair. He nods as he lifts his head from my shoulder. I have to bite my cheek to stop from laughing at his pouty face. How can a grown man be so utterly adorable?

"Would you like me to beat them up for you?" 

He thinks for a second before shaking his head. "Adam would kill me If I let you put yourself in danger...again" He adds the last part with a small smirk, obviously referring to me punching Shane.

"You know where to find me If you change your mind" He nods his head.

Suddenly, Carl's panicked screams echo through the camp. Glenn grabs my hand and sternly tells me to stay here before he follows the others in the direction of the screams. 

After a few tense minutes, Carl, Sophia and the Morales children enter camp all holding on to their mothers tightly. 

"Everyone okay?" I ask walking over to the group.

"Just a little shaken up" Lori answers, rubbing a hand up and down Carl's back. "They saw a walker" 

"A walker? We’ve never had one up this far” My arms snake instinctively around my stomach. 

I try to ignore the knowing look Carol gives me, it was purely a reaction to the situation, it had nothing to do with the parasite, nope definitely not.

"I'm going to take the kid's into the rv" Miranda, Morales's wife said. As she leads the kids away Daryl Dixon's loud voice comes from the edge of the woods.

"Merle! Merle! Get your ugly ass out here! I got us some squirrel! Let’s stew them up" Daryl heads straight to the campfire, looking for Merle. Completely unaware of all the weary eyes on him.

"Daryl, just slow up a bit, I need to talk to you" Shane says, coming out of the woods followed by all the other group members. Adam is at my side the moment he sees me, not wanting to take any chances with an upset redneck on the loose.

Daryl stops in his search for Merle and turns to Shane, with a hint of confusion on his face. "About what?"

"About Merle. There was a… there was a problem in Atlanta" Shane says trying to be as diplomatic as possible.

"He dead?"

"We’re not sure" Shane answers hesitantly.

"He either is or he ain’t!" Daryl shouts, turning red with anger.

Rick steps forward, trying to take some of the heat away from Shane "No easy way to say this, so, I’ll just say it"

"Who are you?"

"Rick Grimes"

"Rick Grimes, you got something you want to tell me?" He asks bitterly.

"Your brother was a danger to us all, so I handcuffed him on a roof, hooked to a piece of metal. He’s still there"

Daryl starts to wave his knife around in thought. "Hold on, let me process this. You’re saying you handcuffed, my brother to a roof, and you left him there?" He says through gritted teeth.

Rick nods. "Yeah"

Before anyone has time to react Daryl throws the squirrels from around his shoulder at Rick and goes to attack him but Shane tackles Daryl to the ground. Daryl starts to wildly slash out with his knife, trying to attack either one of the former cops.

"Watch the knife" T-Dog shouts from his place in the crowd.

After a brief struggle, Shane puts Daryl in a headlock.

"Choke holding’s illegal" Daryl grunts out, turning red from lack of oxygen.

Rick kneels down on the ground, making him eye level with Daryl. "Yeah, you can file a complaint"

"Come on, man, we’ll keep this up all day" Shane says, tightening his grip on Daryl to prove his point.

"I’d like to have a calm discussion on this topic. Do you think we can manage that?... Do you think we can manage that?" Rick asks calmly.

Daryl just grunts as a response. Shane lets him go, Darly stays on the ground as the other two men stand up.

"What I did was not on a whim. Your brother does not work and play well with others" He places his hands on his hips.

"It’s not Rick’s fault. I had the key. I dropped it" T-Dog steps forward.

"You couldn’t pick it up?" Daryl asks, looking completely broken.

"Well, I dropped it in a drain" He looks down at the ground in guilt.

"If it’s supposed to make me feel better, it don’t" He angrily mumbles.

"Maybe this will. Look, I chained the door to the roof, so the geeks couldn’t get at him with a padlock" 

"Hell with all of y’all!" He harshly wipes away his tears. "Just tell me where he is, so’s I can go get him"

"He’ll show you. Isn’t that right?" Lori looks coldly at Rick.

Rick nods his head sheepishly. "I’m going back"

Lori storms off into the rv, pissed at her husband. Rick watches her go helplessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is a filler one but I had to do it. I promise the next chapter has more action and more Daryl/Cassandra moments.


	5. Ed Peletier is a garbage person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chores, Fights, Awkward Flirting and Backstory.  
> What more could you ask for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of past child abuse.

Everyone had gone back to work after the incident with Daryl, Rick and Shane had gone off to argue some more about Rick going into Atlanta again. Daryl rushed off to his tent trying hard to hide his red and puffy eyes. I never understood why men felt the need to hide their emotions, everyone needs a good cry from time to time. It doesn't matter if you're male or female, you need to let your emotions out, it's healthy.

I gave it a few moments before heading over to Daryl's tent. I wanted to give him time to put his walls back up. I knock on the tent flap and after I get an angry _'What?'_ in response, I walk in. Daryl looks at me confused for a second before continuing his pacing.

"Hey" He doesn't respond, so I do the logical thing and just stand there not talking, looking awkward as fuck.

"Ya want something?" He grunts after a few seconds, obviously annoyed that I've entered his space for what appears to be no reason.

"Oh right I… um I came to ask if you have any dirty laundry" _(Real smooth Cassandra, real smooth)_ "Before you answer, I know you're not comfortable with people touching your shit but in the weeks we've been here I haven't seen you or Merle clean any of your clothes and you've been wearing that outfit for 3 days in a row now"

He narrows his eyes at me, which has me raising my hands in surrender. "I don't mean anything by that, it's just I understand that you're busy with feeding the group and Merle isn't the type to do chores" 

He looks deep into my eyes like he’s trying to figure out if this is some kind of joke and I'm messing with him. "Why you?" He grumbled.

"I thought I’d repay you for giving me half of your food every mealtime” I see his cheeks turn red briefly before he turns around and hides his face from me. "You're a good guy under all that muck" He shakes his head, dismissively at my words. I step forward, moving to stand right in front of him "You are" I place a hand on his arm which he immediately knocks off.

He shakes his head angrily. "Fuckers are scared of me, you saw them out there they look at me like I'm gonna skin 'em in their sleep"

"You do give off a vibe, dude" I smile at him and playfully nudge his shoulder with my own. “That little display of your’s out there has put a few people on edge”

"Not you?" He looks at me, confused.

"I don't think you're the type to hit a woman no matter how angry you are and I have the added average of being pregnant, only the worst type of human would hit a pregnant lady” I rub a hand over my belly to add to my point.

"Any man who hits a woman ain't no man" He growls.

He hesitates for a moment before walking past me and filling a bag with both his and Merle’s clothes. I take this opportunity to check out his tent whilst he's distracted, no one at camp had ever been this close to the Dixon brothers tent let alone inside. To my surprise it's actually pretty tidy, everything seems to have a place and even the beds are made. I guess this shows that you never really know someone because I definitely wouldn’t have pegged Merle as a neat freak who’s bed looks like it was made by a military man. 

After a few moments Daryl walks back over to me carrying a large bag full of clothes, as he looks at me I can see how uncomfortable he is with this whole situation, he’s placing a lot of trust in me right now. I know it’s just clothing but for someone like Daryl, who’s probably never had someone do anything for him without asking for something in return it’s got to be strange and a little unnerving. 

"I…" He awkwardly looks down at the floor, chewing on his thumbnail, looking like a lost kid who doesn’t know how to act in this situation. 

"Don't worry I won't let anyone else touch your stuff, only me I promise. And I won't even make any jokes about your gross underwear" He rolls his eyes at me and I can't stop myself from laughing. I gently remove the bag from his death grip and place it over my shoulder. “I can’t make the same promise about Merle’s though”

“Wanna borrow my gloves, don’t want ya catching nothin’ from him” He says with a small smirk, looking a lot less tense.

"I’ll be okay, but if I get sick you can be my nurse, we could get you a cute little outfit too” I pull slightly on his shirt.

Great, now all I can think about is Daryl Dixon in one of those sexy nurse outfits a bunch of people wear at Halloween. And I would be lying if I said that I wouldn't find that both hilarious and horrifying at the same time. 

“I’m feeling all hot just thinking about it” I start to fan myself dramatically and fake faint into his arms. _(Extremely grateful that he caught me and didn't let me fall flat on my ass)_ “If only I had a big strong nurse to help me”

“Stop” He gently pushes me out of his arms and onto his cot. _(Bad idea dude, now I have more material to tease you with)_

“Oh Daryl, if I knew you wanted to get me into bed I wouldn’t have made plans” Standing up, I walked over to him, trying hard to hide the smirk on my face. “Unfortunately I have chores to do and don’t you have to go collect your idiot brother?” I slowly ran my fingers up and down one of his arms, not missing how his breath hitched or how his muscles tensed under my touch. “Could we reschedule?” 

He grabs my hand and tries to move it away from his arm but I link our fingers together. “I should be free in a couple of days if you wanna continue” I give him a little wink before bringing his hand to my lips and place a small kiss on the back of his hand. 

This small act of affection seemed to short circuit his brain as he stood frozen in place, his mouth slightly open in what could only be shock. But honestly, why is he surprised? I thought I was pretty open about how I would ride him like a bike, maybe I need to be more direct. How could I be more direct, you ask? Well, I have some ideas most involve me showing up to his tent completely naked or wearing one of his shirts. _(Guys love that shit)_

It takes a few moments before his brain resets but as soon as it's up and running again he pulls free from my grip. “Ain’t got nothin’ better to do” He shrugs before partially sprinting out of the tent, leaving me standing there in the middle of his tent, alone and smiling like a man woman.

_I’m not 100% sure what just happened but I think Daryl and I have a date scheduled._

Exiting the tent I almost walk straight into Adam, he grabs my shoulders to steady me. “Daryl said you were over here” He takes the bag from my shoulder and places it on the opposite shoulder to the other bag he's carrying that's full of our clothes. 

“What the hell were you doing in Dixon's tent anyway?” He questions as we start to walk away from camp.

“Apparently I was setting up a date for me and Daryl to have sex”

“Excuse me?” He stops dead in his tracks looking at me with wide, questioning eyes.

“I went to get his laundry and somehow that ended up with us potentially having sex in the future” I say, continuing to walk towards the lake. 

He jogs lightly to catch up to me, he stops in front of me and starts to walk backwards. “Are you going too?”

“In the words of Daryl Dixon “ _Ain’t got nothin’ better to do_ ” I try to do my best Daryl impression which if I'm honest with myself is terrible, truly terrible. 

His eyes widen to an inhuman level. “He said that?” I nod as Adam grabs my shoulders and pauses our movement. “Cas, that’s basically Daryl speak for _‘I would absolutely love to sleep with you’_ you have to tell me your secret” 

“Why do you have your eye on someone?” I raise an eyebrow in question. 

He shakes his head and chuckles slightly. “Have you met the men here? If they were any straighter we could use them as rulers”

“What does that even mean?” I look at him in complete confusion.

“I have no idea” We both stare at each other for a moment before busting out laughing and continuing our journey.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

By the time we reach the lake everyone else is already there and set up, Adam leads us over to the free spot in-between Carol and Amy. 

“Hello, ladies” Adam says, tipping his imagery hat. _(God, he's such a dork)_

“Are you joining us, Adam?” Carol asks, as Adam helps me to the ground and hands me the bags.

“You know I love spending time with you beautiful ladies but unfortunately I’m just here to drop off Cassie, Shane wants me to do rounds. I’ll come and get you later” He leans down and kisses the top of my head before walking back towards camp, throwing us finger guns on his retreat.

“God, he's such a dork” Amy says, chuckling softly.

“Speaking of dorks, what’s going on with you and Glenn?” I ask, nudging her playfully with my shoulder.

“What do you mean?” She looks over to me extremely confused.

Before I could answer, Andrea beat me to it. “She’s asking when you and Glenn are going to stop the awkward flirting and just do it already, it’s the end of the world, Amy. Get the dick while you still can”

“Oh my God, Andrea!” Amy shouts, completely horrified.

After a few seconds of silent Jacqui speaks up. “She has a point though” We all turn to Jacqui. “You’re young and beautiful, enjoy it while you still can. It’s only downhill from here, sweetie” Carol and Andrea both hum in agreement.

“What’s stopping you?” Carol asks as she dunks a pair of jeans into the lake. Amy goes to talk but closes her mouth once she realises she doesn’t have an answer to the question. “See you don't have an answer, so just go for it. The worst thing that could happen is you and Glenn become even more awkward around each other”

“Is that even possible?” Andrea asks, causing everyone apart from Amy to laugh.

Amy turns to her sister and gives her a pleading look. “Can we please stop talking about this?”

“Do you have another topic in mind?” 

“I’ll talk about anything as long as it has nothing to do with my sex life” 

Silence falls over us as we all try to come up with a new topic of conversation, which is apparently harder than it sounds. Turns out when you don't have topics like the news or everyday life to talk about conversations are difficult. Like, what are we supposed to talk about? Any topic to do with our lives right now is depressing as hell, no one wants to be reminded that our new form of existence sucks.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

We were probably halfway through the laundry when Shane and Carl came down to catch frogs on the other side of the lake. As nice as it was to see Carl having fun it did kind of piss me off, we've been busting our balls all morning but Shane has time to mess around.

"Can someone explain how the woman wound up doing all the Hattie McDaniel work?" Jacqui says, Shane's display clearly pissing her off to.

"The world ended. Didn’t you get the memo?" Amy sassed, causing a few of us to chuckle lightly.

Carol looks over to Ed who is leaning against his car, watching us and smoking. "It’s just the way it is" Carol sighs as she rings out a pair of Ed's pants. "I do miss my Maytag"

"I miss my Benz, my sat-nav" Andrea adds.

Jacqui gets a massive smile on her face. "I miss my coffeemaker, with that dual-drip filter and built-in grinder, honey" 

"My computer… and texting" I hum in agreement with Amy.

I think for a moment before adding to the conversation "Tv and pizza"

_Pizza= Best food ever and what's better than a great tv show you can completely lose yourself in._

It's all quiet until Andrea suddenly adds. "I miss my vibrator"

"Oh, my god!" Amy shouts before everyone falls into a fit of giggles.

Carol quickly adds a "Me too" which causes us all to laugh harder than before.

“What’s so funny?” Ed Asks as he walks over to us, flicking his cigar to the side. 

“Just swapping war stories, Ed” Andrea shrugs trying to keep everyone calm even though we can all feel the tension in the air. 

Ed comes to a stop just behind Carol, he watches her every move. Instantly making the rest of us fidget uncomfortably in our seats.

Andrea clearly didn't like having Ed breathing down our necks and decided it was a good idea to aggravate the larger man. “Problem, Ed?”

Ed smirks at her. “None that concerns you. And you…” He turns to Carol, face hard and unnerving. “You ought to focus on your work. This ain’t no comedy club” Carol, quickly ducks her head down trying to make herself as small as possible. 

Adrea stands up, having enough of Ed’s presence. “Ed, tell you what… You don’t like how your laundry is done, you are welcome to pitch in and do it yourself. Here” She throws the shirt in her hand into Ed’s chest, he catches it easily and throws it right back at her, with much more force then Adrea had used.

“Ain’t my job, missy” He growls, getting in her face.

“Andrea, don’t” Amy begs. We all stand up waiting for something bad to happen, I grab Carol’s hand and pull her to stand next to me, not liking how this was going or how Ed’s angry eyes kept flicking from Andrea to Carol.

“What is your job, Ed? Sitting on your ass smoking cigarettes?”

“It sure as hell ain’t listening to some uppity smart-mouthed bitch. Come on, let’s go” He walks towards Carol, but I push her behind me. There's no way she's going anywhere with this man, especially when he’s like this. We’ve all seen what happens to her when he feels the need to prove himself and hide away from his fragile masculinity. 

“How about you just go back to your car Ed, some of us have a job to do” I say trying to keep the situation calm, but most importantly I’m trying to move Ed’s attention over to me and away from Carol.

I might be smaller than Ed but I also have a bestie who spent most weekends teaching women how to defend themselves from men like Ed and would drag me with him to almost every class. So, I'm definitely the most qualified person here to deal with Ed’s bullshit, even if everyone else here has a good few inches on me.

“Get out of my way, she’s coming with me” When I don't let go of Carol, Ed starts to get angry. He pushes me away from Carol with such force that if Amy wasn't right behind me I would have fallen to the ground. “Hey, don’t think I won’t knock you on your ass, just cos you’re some knocked up whore, all right?”

Amy tries to grab my arm, to stop me but I shake her off “Do you get a kick out of hurting woman Ed? Does it make you feel like more of a man? Maybe hurting Carol is the only thing that helps you get it up, huh? Is that it Ed? Little Ed doesn’t work unless your wife is crying, now that’s just the saddest thing I’ve ever heard” 

His face turns red with anger. “You don’t want to keep prodding the bull here, OK? Now, I am done talking”

Because of the sarcastic, cocky bitch I am, I don't listen and carry on talking. “You know there are pills that can help Little Ed get excited” And with that final sentence, a fist hits me right in the jaw. I stumble back slightly both from the force of the punch and the shock, I lick my lip and taste blood. 

Ed grabs my wrist and pulls me into his chest. “You think you can say that shit about me and not get punished huh? Someone needs to show you your place” He pushes me to the ground and gets on top of me, pinning me in place with his legs and punches me in the face.

However before he could get in a third hit a manage to get one my arms free and hit him in the chin with the heel of my hand with as much force as I could muster, which if I’m being honest wasn't that much but fortunately, he obviously wasn’t expecting me to fight back as for a split second he just sits there looking down shocked at me. This pause gives me enough time to wiggle myself free from his weakened grip and kick him straight in the grin, he falls back onto his ass, bent over slightly in pain. 

I quickly get up and walk to him, I grab his head and bring it down onto my knee, I feel something crunch against my knee on impact and know from previous experience that I had just broken his nose. He tries to grab my wrist but that just ends with me twisting his arm painfully behind his back and pushing his face down into the dirt.

“Are we done or do you need your ass kicked some more?” I tighten my grip on his arm and place my knee onto his neck keeping him in place. He tries to grab me with his free hand so I use mine to repeatedly smash his face into the ground, only stopping when I hear a weak ‘okay’ coming from the weak waste of space under me.

I release Ed from my hold and flip him onto his back, I place a foot onto his chest pinning him in place just in case he gets any ideas and tries to do something. However, by the look of his bloody and swollen face, I think he’s smart enough to know that he’s beaten. “If I ever see you lay a hand on your wife” I move my foot from his chest to his grin and push down slightly, just enough for it to be uncomfortable. “I will cut your dick off in your sleep and even though pills I was telling you about won’t be about to help you” I push down a little harder which causes him to grunt out in pain. “Do we have an understanding, Ed?”

He nods his head weakly at me as I bend down and pat his cheek gently. “I’m glad we could come to an agreement, I would hate to have to kick your ass again” I give his forehead a kiss before standing back up as soon as I move away Carol runs over to her injured husband and starts to cry into his chest repeatedly telling how sorry she was. The sight made me want to beat the shit out of him all over again, for how broken he’s made this poor woman. 

As I turn around I come face to face with Adam who looks both impressed and disappointed at the same time. I give him a small smile and wave before he grabs my wrist and drags me away from the scene and back towards camp. 

He doesn’t say a word to me or anyone as we reach camp even when Dale and Jim ask us what happened, he just drags me into the RV and pushes me onto the couch whilst he searches for the first aid kit.

Dale enters a short while later and takes a seat next to me, he grabs my face gently in his hands and checks over my injuries. “Did Shane do this?” He asks, causing both Adam and I to look at him confused. 

“No it was Ed, why would you think it was Shane?” I questioned, turning to Adam to see if he was just as confused as me as to why Dale would ask that, from the look on his face it looked like he was. 

“It was just a question” He smiles softly at me before turning to Adam. “Did you or Shane take care of him?” 

“Didn’t need to, Cassie had it handled” He hands Dale some of the medical supplies he found. “You might want to go check on him, Cas beat the fucker pretty good”

Dale looks over to me, shocked. “I’ve got her, go deal with the asshole” Dale nods and gives my hand a small squeeze before exiting the RV. As soon as Dale is gone Adam is on his knees in front of me, pulling me into a bone-crushing embrace. After a few moments, he releases me and grabs my face, being mindful of my injuries. “I’m going to kill him” I slowly remove his hands from my face and lace our fingers together.

“I don’t think he’s going to be a problem anymore, do you?” 

“Not unless he has a deathwish” He removes his hands from mine and grabs a cloth and some water, he pours some of the water on the cloth and begins to gently wash the drying blood from my face. He pushes a little on my nose which causes me to let out a little yelp in pain. “I don’t think it’s broken but it’s definitely bruised and a bit swollen” 

“That’s a plus” I say, sarcastically. 

“Does anything else hurt?” He inquires as he takes out an instant cold pack, cracks it and places it on my nose.

“Other than my face?” I ask, taking the cold pack from him and keeping it on my face.

“Are you feeling any weird pains or any cramps?” He looks at me with concern. 

“Why would I be getting cramps?” I question until I follow his line of sight and see his worried eyes focused on my stomach. My eyes widen once I realise what he’s insinuating. “Oh” Is all I manage to say.

Honestly, in all the chaos I might have completely forgotten about the whole being pregnant thing. I should have probably thought about that before I got into a fight but in my defence… okay, so I don’t actually have a good defence for why I wouldn’t think about myself or the parasite before I put myself in danger. 

“I know you don’t care about the _parasite_ ” He grimaces at the nickname and for some reason I also do. _(Apparently hearing him use the nickname makes me feel bad, who would have thought?)_ “But I do and I need to know that it’s doing okay, so please if you start feeling anything I need you to tell me” He places a hand on my stomach and gently rubs it.

Not really knowing how to answer him I just nod, which seemed to be enough for him. 

I knew Adam cared about the thing but hearing him say it out loud really just hammered home how attached he’s gotten to it. I guess this means he might have a problem with my idea to just feed the thing to the geeks after it’s born. Shit, is he going to want to raise it himself? How would that work? I don’t want to be a part of this kid's life but if my best friend is raising it that’s exactly what I'm going to be.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

After Adam finishes cleaning me up and checking me over he helps me into our tent, he sits me down on my bed and hands me a bottle of water and some Paracetamol. 

“Take them, then try to get some sleep. I’ll come and check on you later and bring you some dinner” He kisses my temple and goes to leave but before he can I grab his wrist keeping him in his place. He turns and looks down at me confused.

“Don't call the parasite a _‘parasite’_ that’s what I call it. Get your own nickname” 

He smirks knowing what I was trying to say to him without coming out and saying _'Hey, I need you to keep calling it a baby so I remember that it's a baby'_

“Right, sorry” He places a hand on my stomach. “It won't happen again" He leans down to talk to my stomach. "I'm sorry, bug" He looks at me with a dorky smile. 

"Bug?" I raise my eyebrows in question.

"What? it's cute" He defends.

"Is it?" 

"Shut up" We both laugh. He gently pushes me down to lay on my cot. "Okay, enough of this you need to get some sleep if you want that pretty face of yours to heal"

I get comfy on my cot as Adam kisses me on the forehead and says. "Love you" I hum in agreement as I fall into unconsciousness.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

A had probably been asleep for a few hours at this point until the sound of something being smashed wakes me up. "Adam?" I softly call out, still groggy with sleep.

When I don’t get any response from whoever was in the tent with me I slowly open my eyes and see a walker slowly stumbling her way over to me. As soon as she sees me she tries to grab me with her right hand but it's missing leaving behind a gross looking stump. Thankfully before she could get to me, my fight or flight response kicks in and I roll out of the way just as she dives for me.

I fall to the ground, landing on my ass, I start to crawl backwards trying to get away from her but still keeping her in my line of sight. I come to a stop when my hand touches something mushy, I turn quickly and see that it’s a sandwich that’s covered in shards of the broken plate. _(Whoever decided it was a good idea to leave my dinner inside my tent for when I woke up, I love you!)_ I quickly grab a piece of the broken plate and try to ignore the pain in my hand as I do.

I'd take a cut-up hand over death any day. I slowly stand as the walker tries to untangle herself from my blanket as soon as she's free she throws herself at me, without any hesitation I drive the broken plate into her eye socket, her body twitches slightly as she falls to the ground dead, taking my weapon with her. 

Suddenly gunshots start going off all around me. It's that moment that I realise this walker wasn't alone. “Fuck” I place my uninjured head over my heart trying hard to calm myself down, that was the first walker I've seen so far. Adam never let me go on runs and once everyone knew I was pregnant any chance of persuading Shane into letting me go vanished. Luckily Adam had told me how to kill them or this could have turned out very differently. Once I've calmed myself enough to think, I start to evaluate my options.

Option one: Run out into the unknown war zone, injured and unarmed. _(So basically this is the opinion if I was stupid or suicidal)_

Option 2: Call for help and hope someone hears me over the gunfire and other screams. _(Noise attracts walkers so that's a nope)_

Option 3: Stay here, fortify and wait for someone to come and find me. 

I don't like the idea of being a _'damsel in distress'_ but right now that's exactly what I am. I'm pregnant, injured and unarmed, I need to be smart about this and right now the smartest thing to do is stay put and wait.

So that's what I'm going to do, I grab the dead walker by her legs and drag her to the tent door, laying her right in the entrance, hoping her smell will keep others of her kind away. Next, I grab another piece of the broken plate, using my injured hand to do so obviously. _(It would be dumb to injure the other hand)_ I move over to the back of the tent keeping my eyes on the entrance the whole time.

My heart beats faster the longer I wait, the gunfire continues to echo around me and my stomach drops with every shot. Suddenly the entrance flap of the tent flies open, I raise the broken piece of plate, ready to kill whatever just walked through the door, it falls from my hand as soon as my eyes meet the worried redneck. Without thinking I launch myself into his arms, burying my face into his chest as I let go and cry out all of my fear. To my surprise, he only tenses for a second before his arms snake around my waist pulling me closer to him.

I feel him let out a relieved sigh as he melts into the hug, placing his chin on my head. Standing there in his embrace the world seems to fade around me. The only thing I can concentrate on is his slowing heartbeat and the sound of him breathing.

I feel him lift his head and turn slightly, but he doesn't move from our embrace even when Adam comes crashing into the tent.

"Is she okay?" He runs over and stands next to Daryl not knowing what to do.

"Ain’t said a word" He quietly grunts, like that would stop me from hearing him even though I couldn't be any closer to him right now.

"Did you take down that walker?" I feel Daryl shake his head, Adam lets out a sigh before gently prying me away from Daryl and into his own arms.

"Hey" I weakly smile.

"You okay?" I go to hold his face but stop when I remember my hand is all cut up.

"I'm fine" He reassures me as he grabs my injured hand. "What happened?" He gently rubs his thumb next to the cut. 

"I was sleeping, you know painkillers make me sleepy. I heard someone come in and I just thought it was you until I opened my eyes and saw the walker standing above me" I shudder from the memory. "She broke the plate on her way in, so I used a piece to stab her in the eye" 

Adam takes back my hand and places a small kiss on the back of it. "I should have been here" 

"You didn't know this was going to happen" I place my uninjured hand on his cheek. "I'm fine, just a little shaken up" He nods before pulling me into a bone-crunching hug.

"We should get her cleaned up" Daryl suggests as he stands off to the side, awkwardly.

Adam lets me go briefly before pulling me right back into his side. The sight I see as I walk out of my tent is heartbreaking, both old and new bodies litter the floor, I look around trying to see if they're anybody I recognise but they all look to be members of the camp I had no real interaction with. That was until we rounded the corner and I saw Andrea sobbing on the ground clinging to the lifeless body of her sister. 

Adam quickly led me away from the scene. He sat me down on one of the camping chairs around the campfire. He turns to Daryl. "Could you stay with her?"

Daryl grunts in response as he sits down near me. Adam quickly rushes over to Shane and Rick who are talking outside the RV.

Daryl pulls out one of his bolts and starts to clean it, I watch him for a moment before speaking. "About earlier, if I made you uncomfortable I'm sorry" I say sheepishly, snotting on Daryl’s shirt wasn’t really something I ever wanted to do. _(I don’t care how attractive you are no one looks cute full-on crying and if there’s snot involved it’s game over)_

"Ya needed it" He shrugs, eyes still focused on the bolt in his hand.

"Yeah I guess I did" I let out a long sigh. "It's been a long day"

"What happened to ya face?" He nods his head at my face, eyes still locked on his bolt.

"Made a joke about Ed having erectile dysfunction" Daryl lets out a sound that could have easily been mistaken for a laugh. "He clearly didn't find it as funny as you do" I say pointing to my face, I watch as Daryl's face falls.

"Fucker’s lucky he's dead" Daryl growls, finally making eye contact with me.

"He's dead?" 

He nods. "Damn right, walkers got him in his tent. It's not pretty" 

I can’t say I’m saddened by this news but even if he was a garbage human he was still a person who just died horribly, I was about to say I couldn’t imagine how scary it would have been to wake up to a walker on top of you but that basically just happened to me and I can tell you exactly what it felt like, a chilling nightmare. I’m now even more grateful for whoever placed that plate where they did because without that warning I would have had my body ripped to shreds just like Ed. I wouldn't be sitting here right now and Adam or someone else would have had to find me dead like that in my tent. 

I hadn’t realised I had started crying again until Daryl’s gruff voice spoke up “You good?” When I don't answer he grabs my face in his hand and turns me to face him. “It wasn’t you, I ain't gonna let that happen, I didn't spend the last two months giving you half my food to not get the payoff of seeing you naked at least once"

I laugh loudly but stop once I realise how inappropriate laughing out loud at a time like this is, I’m literally surrounded by corpses. But how could I not laugh, Daryl just made a joke that sounded like it should have come out of my mouth, not his. Looks like my shit sense of humour has started to rub off on him.

I remove Daryl’s hand from my face and link our fingers before resting our joined hands on my lap. “You’ve been spending to much time with me” 

“Nah, I ain't” He says sheepishly, he turns to me and looks like he was going to say something else but stopped once he saw Adam heading our way.

I go to release Daryl’s hand thinking that he wouldn’t want Adam or anyone seeing us but as I loosen my grip, he tightens his. I look at him confused but he ignores me and nods his head in greeting to Adam.

As Adam gets closer to us I see his eye lock onto Daryl and I’s interlocked hands, he doesn’t say anything but from the smirk on his face that he’s trying and failing to hide I know I’m going to be bombarded by questions later when we’re alone. He kneels in front of me and grabs my left hand. 

“It didn’t cut too deep, I’m just going to clean it then bandage it up” I nod my hand at him as he starts to search through the first aid kit. 

He turns to Daryl once he finds what he was looking for and starts to lightly rub my palm with a disinfectant wipe. “I was talking to Rick and Shane, they want you, Glenn and T-Dog to go around camp and take care of the dead” He throws the bloody wipe onto the ground next to him and goes back to the bag. “They want them taken to that hill over there” He points to a small hill on the edge of camp. “Make sure they’re dead then burn them” Daryl nods as Adam pulls out a bandage from the bag. 

“Rick wants me to join Shane on a perimeter check, make sure we haven’t got any stragglers waiting to jump us again” He tightly wraps the bandage around my hand.

“I’ll come with you” I say, looking at Adam hoping he gets the message. I really don’t want to be left alone right now.

“No you won’t, Rick wants you and the others in the RV” I go to argue but Adam raises a hand to stop me. “But I knew that after today's events you wouldn't want to be alone so I suggested to him that you stay with Daryl, that way you won’t be alone but you’d also still be here in camp where he can keep an eye on you” 

He looks pointedly at our still intertwined hands before looking back up at us. “I assume that won’t be a problem?” Daryl nods his head and Adam stands up, happy with Daryl’s answer. “Good because if anything happened to her or the baby, it won’t be the dead you have to worry about” 

Daryl and I also follow his lead and stand up as I get to my feet Adam pulls me into a hug and whispers into my ear. “You stick to him like glue, okay?” I nod and he kisses the top of my head before he walks away to go find Shane.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

After we met up with Glenn and T-Dog it was decided Daryl and I would stay here and deal with the dead once Glenn and T-Dog brought them up to us. Daryl was going to put a pickaxe through their brains whilst I hung around him like a lost puppy. 

About an hour later the guys had made a lot of progress, we had a large pile of dead ready for Daryl to deal with. As much as I would love to be enjoying this moment of watching Daryl’s muscles bulge with every swig of the pickaxe, it was honestly kind of gross, the sounds alone were enough to make you wanna puke and don’t ever get me started on the little pieces of brain flying every which way. I wouldn't class myself as being very squeamish but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t finding this hard to watch. 

Just as Glenn and T-dog left to go and get another body for Daryl, I felt something drip onto my chest. As I look down I notice it's a small drop of blood, I don't take much notice as I had been getting hit by parts of the bodies since we started anyway. It wasn’t until I felt another drip that I got suspicious, however, this time when I looked down it became very apparent where the blood was coming from. 

“Shit” I grab my nose and try to stop the waterfall of blood that has started to fall from my nose.

By the time Daryl looks up and over to me, the blood has started to drip through my fingers. As soon as he sees me he drops the pickaxe and rushes over to me. He pulls out a red bandana and removes my bloody hand from my nose, he then pinches just above my nostrils, leans my head forward and holds the bandana just under my nose to catch any blood.

After a few minutes, the bleeding comes to a stop and Daryl releases my nose from his grip, he takes a seat on the ground next to me and hands me the bandana to wipe the blood from my face. I thank him before gently wiping at my nose, stopping a few times when I touch it in the wrong place and pain shoots throughout my whole face. 

“You sure it ain’t broken?” He asked, taking the bandana from my hands and taking over the cleaning of my face. _(Cleanly, I wasn’t doing a very good job)_

“Adam checked it’s just badly bruised” He looks at me like he doesn’t completely believe it. “Trust me after having broken it four times you can feel the difference”

He slowly moves his hand from my nose and looks at me in disbelief. “How the hell have you broken it four times?” 

I look at him for a moment and think to myself if this is a part of my history I want people here at camp to know about me. But it’s Daryl if anyone is going to understand it’s him. So I decided to go ahead and tell him. 

“First time I was 6 and fell off a swing set, you know typical kid injury. But the second time I was maybe 10 or 11 and really didn’t want to go to Sunday mass with my family, so my super religious mother took it upon herself to teach me a very valuable lesson. You do what she tells you or you get a bible to the face. It was one of those hardback one’s too, you know the fancy bibles not the shitty one you find in motels, that shit left me with a badly broken nose and a black eye”

Daryl looks at me shocked but doesn’t say anything, letting me continue to tell my story, knowing this wasn’t a story that needed his input. Which was a nice change of pace most people when confronted with a topic such as this, get awkward and try to hide that awkwardness with meaningless chatter.

“Third time my mother found some weed in my older sister’s room and Hazel being the massive bitch she was told my mom it was mine even though I was only 14 and had never even seen any drugs at this point, but unfortunately, it was my word against hers and as the _‘problem child’_ it was quickly decided that the angelic Hazel, would never lie about anything especially not to my mother, so, therefore, the drugs had to be mine. And that argument ended with me being backhanded into the wall by my mom” I pause not really knowing if I wanted to continue and open up the can of worms that comes with the fourth time. 

Daryl, clearly noticing my inner struggle, grabs my hand and gently pries “The fourth time?” 

I take a deep breath and calm myself before answering. “Stepdad punched me in the face when I told him I wouldn’t sleep with him” Daryl’s face quickly turns murderous. “Don’t worry I had just turned 18 two weeks prior so that clearly meant it was okay for him to try it on with me and with the reputation I had it was shocking I hadn't come on to him earlier. That was generally what he said to me when he tried it on. This guy had been in my life since I was six years old and helped raise me after my dad died but as soon as I turn 18 I’m no longer a kid and therefore don’t need a substitute father which means he’s free to try and get into my pants”

“Sick fuck” He pauses for a moment, hesitating on whether or not he should ask the question that I know he wants to ask. I give his hand a little squeeze letting him know that he can ask me whatever he wants.

“He ever…” He tenses, unable to finish the question. Lucky I knew what the question was going to be, it was the same question Adam asked when I told him what happened.

“No” He visibly relaxes at my answer. 

“Did ya tell anyone?” He lightly rubs his thumb over my knuckles.

I shake my head “My mom wouldn’t have believed me and it didn’t matter anyway because after I saw his reaction to me turning him down I wasn’t going to wait around for him to work up the courage to try something. So, I phoned Adam and he came and helped me move all of my stuff to his shitty one-bedroom apartment on the other side of town”

He looks down at the ground and starts to play with the dirt. “Sounds like ya had one hell of a childhood” 

I chuckle, that’s an understatement. “I bet you have a couple of similar stories” 

His hand snaps in my direction. “The hell does that mean?” He asks, angrily. He drops my hand and jumps to his feet.

_Shit, this went downhill quickly. Congrats Cassandra, your big mouth has once again ruined everything_.

I raise my hands in surrender. “I just meant that we probably have a few stories from our childhoods that are parallel to the others” 

He starts to paces and bites his thumbnail. “You don’t know anything about me or my childhood”

“Really? So you never walked the long way home after school so that it took you longer to get home in hopes that by the time you got home your parents forgot you existed and you could go straight to your room and hideaway? You never sat on your bathroom floor covered in your own blood trying and failing to stitch up that night's injuries? You never stayed up at night crying, praying to God that the next time your parents hurt you they would kill you and finally end the pain?” He stops his pacing and looks at me briefly before looking at the ground sheepishly, continuing to bite on his nail. 

“No? Guess it was just me then, huh?” I say, standing up and walking over to him. I gently touch his arm. “You’re right I don’t know anything about your childhood or what happened to you but just know that I understand and I’m not going to judge you” 

When it’s apparent I’m not going to get anything out of him I go back to my seat and wait for him to sort through his thoughts alone.

After what felt like hours of waiting and watching Daryl pace lines into the dirt, he finally stops and takes his previous seat next to me. 

“How did you know?” He asks, making sure to keep his eyes locked into the horizon.

“Same way I knew Carol and Ed’s relationship was bad, as a survivor of abuse we know the signs. That and I like you” He looks at me confused, I give him a small smile, happy that I got him to look at me before explaining myself. “I never go for _‘normal’_ guys, they always ask too many questions. So I knew you had to be damaged in some way”

He grunts in response before we both fall into silence waiting for Glenn and T to return. Lucky the boys arrived shortly after so we weren't sat in silence for long. 

“Special delivery” T shouts as they reach the top of the hill. Glenn comes to a stop and starts to breathe heavily. 

T pats him on the back before turning to Daryl. “Rick wants us to call it for tonight and pick it up early tomorrow morning” 

“Thank God!” Glenn shouts collapsing onto the ground next to me.

“Sure that’s a good idea?” Daryl grunts, standing up from the ground.

“He doesn’t want us running around in the dark, he also wants a few of us on watch while the others camp out in the RV and a few of the nearby cars” T-Dog states. 

“That makes sense” I start to stand up but freeze when a hand grabs my wrist and helps me up, I look over to Daryl and feel him squeeze my hand once our eyes meet. I guess this is his way of showing me that we’re good and this hasn’t changed anything. 

He drops my hand once T-Dog starts to address him. “You and Adam are on first watch and Cass…” T stops dead in his tracks and his mouth falls open in shock when he looks over to me.

“What? Is my nose bleeding again?” I ask, wiping at my nose.

“No, sorry it’s just we heard what happened to you, but seeing it is a whole different thing” He walks over to me and gently rubs his thumb over my cheek. “He got you good, huh?” 

I shrug. “He got a few lucky hits in, that’s all” 

“That’s my girl” He chuckles before patting my head.

“We should head back to camp, we don't want to keep them waiting” Glenn says as he stands up from the ground.

“Yeah, you’re right” T-Dog nods before looking down at me mischievously. “So who’s carrying Cassandra down to the RV?”

“I don’t need to be carried, I can walk just fine” I roll my eyes.

T smirks at me. “Didn’t you say you had a nosebleed?”

“Yeah but...” Before I could finish I’m lifted off the ground and find myself in a pair of strong arms. 

“You two coming or not?” Daryl shouts behind us as he walks us down the hill towards the RV.

“Guess this means we’re okay then?” I link my arms around his neck.

“Nah, just didn't want T-Dog touching ya” He tightens his grip on me.

I roll my eyes at him before resting my head against his chest, I can feel him silently chuckling at his stupid joke which makes me smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had way too much fun writing Cass beating the shit out of Ed, hope you enjoyed it too.  
> What do you think of Cass opening up to Daryl about her past? Do you think it'll help Daryl open up more to her in the future?  
> If everything goes according to plan and work doesn’t take over my entire life like it did last week, there should be another part on Thursday! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	6. Laughter is the best medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra’s skills as a babysitter are put to the test when she is left to watch the group of scared kids and the group head to the C.D.C in hopes of finding answers.

It was decided the next morning, after a brief discussion that I would be in charge of watching over the kids. Now, you may be asking yourself why the hell I would be the one chosen for this role and you wouldn’t be alone, I too am very confused as to why anybody would trust me with their traumatised children, but here we are.

The kids and I had been set up a little ways off from the main campsite, Lori didn’t like the idea of us not being closer to camp but after Dale reminded her that Amy’s body was still there at camp, along with a dozen others, she quickly agreed that getting the kids as far as safely possible was for the best. 

When we were first brought over to the picnic area, Lori had tried to get the kids to do some school work in the hopes that it would distract them long enough for the group to finish clearing out the dead bodies from the camp, but of course, it worked for all of five minutes before the kids got bored and restless. _(Who tries to distract kids with something as boring as math anyway?)_

As soon as Lori left, every pencil was dropped into the table and four very scared faces turned towards me. I could see in their scared little eyes that they had so many questions but didn’t know what to ask first. Carl as the most confident kid in the group was the first to ask his question. “Are we safe here?” I open my mouth to answer him but quickly close it when I realise I don't have an answer to his question. _(I sure as hell didn’t feel safe here but I wasn’t going to say that to a bunch of scared kids)_

Thankfully Adam arrives at just the right moment and answers Carl’s question for me. “That’s what I’m here for Bud, I’m going to keep you safe whilst Cassie here helps you with your schoolwork” He places a hand on my shoulder and looks down at Carl’s paper. “Oh, math not my strong suit but if you get any questions about history I’m your guy, I was a right little history buff when I was around your age” 

“I like science, we always got to do really cool experiments” Carl turns to the Morales kids and tells them the story of when his teacher made a cool lava lamp with only a bottle of water, some oil and a drop of food colouring. 

Once it was clear Carl and the Morales kids were thoroughly distracted, Adam walked off and stood off to the side, keeping an eye on our surroundings. I thank him when he looks back over to us, extremely grateful that he managed to divert most of the kids’ attention away from Carl’s heavy question. Sophia however wasn’t easily sidetracked like her younger counterparts which lend her to ask me this whopper of a question. “Where do we go when we die?” 

Adam and I both share an anxious look, nobody wants to be asked that question especially not from a child. Like, how do you even go about trying to answer? 

_Well, kids, you either get buried in a hole and bugs eat your flesh or you could get cremated which is the process of burning your body and turning you to ash which your family either keeps on the fireplace or scatters somewhere meaningful to you. A few people believe there’s a god and heaven where all your deceased family, friends and pets are waiting for you but the likelihood is there’s nothing after death and we just fade to black._

Obviously that wasn’t what I said, no need to traumatise these poor kids any more than they already were but I had no idea what to actually say to her. That was until my brain decided to actually be helpful and remind me that she probably asked that question because her dad just died, Cassandra, you idiot. With this information in mind finding an answer for her became a lot easier, I could relate to how she was feeling.

“When my dad died my Oma told me that no one is ever truly gone” She looks at me confused. “Every time you think of them or talk to them, you’re bringing their spirit back to you”

I notice now that three more sets of eyes are watching me and listening intently to my story. “Have you ever been doing something then suddenly out of nowhere you get a memory of you and someone you’ve lost?” They all nod at me. “That was their way of showing you that they were there with you, they can’t talk to us anymore but they want us to know they’re still watching over us”

“I like that idea” Sophia gives me a sweet smile before picking her pencil back up and continuing her work. 

“She was a smart woman my Oma”

“What’s an Oma?” Carl asks as he follows Sophia’s lead and gets back to his work.

Before I even open my mouth, Sophia speaks up. “It’s grandma in german” I turned to her shocked she knew what the word meant, once she noticed my eyes on her she lowers herself into the bench slightly. “I was learning it in school” Was her answer to my unasked question.

“What other words do you know?” Eliza asks.

“Not a lot, we had only just started learning before my school was closed” Sophia tucks her hair behind her ear shyly, clearly not liking having all the attention on her.

Thankfully, Carl quickly turns everyone’s attention to me. “Can you speak German?”

I nod my head. “A little, not enough to actually speak to a fluent German speaker though” The kids seem to deflect at my answer, so I pull out my trump card, the only joke in german I know. “I do know a joke in german though, do you want to hear it?”

They all nod their hands so fast I'm surprised they didn't break their necks. “Was ist zäh, braun und geht durch die Wüste? Ein Karamel” 

“What does it mean?” Carl asks, excitedly.

“What’s chewy, brown and walks through the desert? A Caramel” They all burst out in laughter.

“That was terrible” Carl says, trying hard to suppress his laughter.

I push his shoulder lightly. “And yet you’re still laughing”

“I have a better one”

“Oh really? Why don’t you share with the group then” I gesture my hand out to his waiting audience. 

He sits up straighter in his seat. “What do you call a dog magician?” He starts to bounce with excitement as he waits for us to answer his question, but before we could say _‘we didn’t know’_ he shouts out the answer “A labracadabrador” like he broke from excitement and couldn’t hold it in any longer.

I thought the kids laughed hard at my joke but that was nothing compared to how much they laughed at Carl’s, they were all in literal tears, even Adam was chuckling to himself. 

“You think you’re funny, huh?” He gives me a cheeky smirk. “Okay, my little comedian, I have another one, What did the drummer call his two twin daughters?”

He gives me another cheeky smile before answering. “I don’t know, what did the drummer call his twin daughters?” 

“Anna one, Anna two” I clap my hands in the air twice before drumming my fingers on the table. The kids all join in on my drumming session as soon enough we're surrounded by the sound of laughter and off-beat drumming.

As I sat there drumming my fingers on the table I realised this is probably why I was put on babysitting duty. I’m a massive child. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just made a bunch of scared kids laugh and let them forget all the horrors surrounding us right now.

“Having fun?” Rick questions as he and Adam walked over to us, he stops behind Carl and gently runs his hand through his son's hair.

Carl looks up at his father with a massive smile. “We are telling jokes” He looks over to me and his smile widens. “Cassandra’s not very good at it”

“Hey!” I flick his arm lightly, making him chuckle. “I seem to remember someone laughing at my jokes”

“I was only laughing because they were so bad” I narrowed my eyes, playfully at him, he just laughed at me before turning around to face his dad. “Do you have any jokes, dad?”

“He’s a dad, Carl, of course, he has a joke” Adam pats Rick on the back. “Wanna share with the class, Rick?”

Rick thinks for a moment before he turns to Carl and gives him a huge smile. “I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen” The kids and I all groan as Rick and Adam fall into a fit of laughter.

“That was worse than Cassandra’s” Carl groans.

“You asked for it” Rick chuckles.

“And now I regret it” Rick jokingly hits Carl on the back of the head. “Ouch!” 

We all start to laugh as father and son playfully glare at each other. Unfonantaly our little bubble of happiness popped when we all heard Jacqui shout about Jim being Bitten.

“A walker got him. A walker bit Jim” We hear Jaquic scream from the discretion of the main campsite. Rick, Adam and I share a worried look before Rick rushes off back towards camp.

Adam grabs my hand and pulls me up. “Don’t make me regret this” He says as he places a pistol in my hand.

“I’ve got this, go” I push him slightly in the direction of the camp, he hesitates for a moment before following after Rick.

“Okay, everyone pack your stuff up we’re moving this to the RV” I say, checking the clip of the gun Adam gave me.

To say I was shocked he gave me a gun would be an understatement, he obviously knows I know how to use one _(His dad was the one who taught us when we were younger)_ but with me being pregnant he’s been very adamant that I'm not allowed any weapons. And if he thinks he’s getting this gun back after Jim is dealt with he can think again, I’m not giving this back without a fight.

It doesn’t take the kids long to gather all their stuff and within minutes we’re ready to move. “I need you all to stick close to me, okay?” They all nod at me then grab a hold of my shirt. This wasn’t exactly what I meant but it works so it’ll do. 

Once our little group comes into sight of the others, Dale walks over to us and helps me usher the kids into the RV. All the kids keep a tight grip on me until Dale shuts the door, once the door is closed they all sink into the RV’s eating area chairs.

Dale and I share a look before he signals for me to follow him to the front of the RV, I tuck the gun into the back of my jeans and follow him.

“It’s not good” He whispers, once we were out of earshot.

“What’s the plan?” I ask, turning briefly to make sure the kids weren’t watching us, lucky they were all to worn-out to notice our private conversation. 

“Looks like we’re heading to the C.D.C, once we bury our dead” I rub a hand over my face, the last 24 hours have been exhausting. “Lori will come and get you once it's time for the funeral”

He places a hand on my shoulder as he walks around me to get to the kids. He kneels down in front of the table. “We need you guys to stay here with Cassandra for a little while, okay?” The kids just silently nod at him.

He goes to leave but stops just short of the exit, and turns back around to the kids. “Oh, I almost forgot” He walks over to one of the kitchen cabinets and opens it, revealing canned foods that were all sporting a pair of googly eyes. “Do any of you know what happened here?” 

The kids all share a look before shaking their heads no.

“Cassandra, any idea who could have done this?” Dale asks, trying to keep the smile off his face.

“If I was you I’d ask Adam he’s always been a bit of a prankster” I wink over to the kids, who are all turning red with suppressed laughter.

Dale nods before leaving the RV, as soon as he exits the RV the kids bust out laughing at their amazing prank. 

“That was amazing!” Carl laughs and like magic, the kids were back in high spirits.

«---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

Following the funeral, we were all given an hour to pack up all our belongings and gather around the parked cars. Morales and his family chose not to come with us, they wanted to find their family in Birmingham. 

I walked over to Adam who was helping Daryl load Merle's bike onto his truck. "Should I put our bags into the RV?"

Adam jumps down from the truck bed and walks over to me. "I told you to leave them for me" He takes his bag off of my shoulder. "You shouldn't be carrying anything" He goes to take another bag but I put a hand on his chest to stop him.

"Adam, it's just clothes. It's not heavy, I'm pregnant, not sick I can still help out." I roll my eyes.

"Not when I'm around" He throws the bag he took into Daryl's truck bed.

"Are we riding with Daryl?" I looked at him confused, I thought we were riding in the RV since Adam's new car was lost in Atlanta. 

He nods and takes the other bags from me _(He leaves my art bag with me)_ "Carol's car is full, I don't want you riding in the RV with Jim just in case and do you really want to ride with Shane?"

"No one wants to ride with Shane" We both laugh. It was true Shane isn't going to be winning any friendship awards any time soon, nobody wants to deal with his mood swings. 

He whispers into my ear as he helps me into Daryl's truck. "At least this way we have some eye candy for the trip" He winks at me before looking over to Daryl who was bent over the hood of Shane's jeep, reading a map.

I let my eyes wander over Daryl's body. "I mean it is a nice view" 

"It really is" Adam agrees as he also enters the truck.

We sit there for a while trying to hide the fact we were completely lost in Daryl's form. _(We didn't wanna come across as weird)_ We both quickly turn away when he starts heading to the truck, trying to act as natural as possible.

"Ready to go?" He asks getting into the driver’s seat, Adam and I both nod as he starts up the car.

"Should be there in a few hours" He pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and places one between his lips.

"Dude!" Adam scolds, looking pointlessly down at my stomach. "You can't do that around her, especially in such a small space"

Daryl mumbles something under his breath before putting the cigarette back in his pocket.

«---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

After driving in silence for 20 minutes things inside the truck were starting to get awkward. Daryl was still clearly pissed that he couldn't have a smoke and Adam was annoyed that he would even try to smoke near a pregnant woman.

15 more minutes passed and I was starting to get bored, Adam had fallen asleep about 10 minutes ago and Daryl didn't seem like he was in any mood to talk so I didn't try to start a conversation with him. Instead, I picked up my bag and pulled out my art book and pencils, I pull my knees up as close to my chest as they can get and use them and my bump as a stand. 

I flick to a clean page and start drawing a basic outline of a head. A few minutes later the drawing looks more like a face.

"What's that?" Daryl suddenly speaks up, scaring the shit out of me.

"Jesus dude!" I place a hand over my heart. "You scared me"

"Sorry" He mumbles, sheepishly. 

"Don't worry about it, just wasn't expecting anyone to talk" I gave him a brief smile before going back to my drawing.

After a few minutes of silence, he speaks back up. "It looks like, Amy" 

"I would hope so, considering that's who I'm drawing"

"Why?" He asks, looking at me briefly before turning back to the road.

"Eventually your brain forgets the faces of your lost loved ones, we don't have photos anymore to look back on to remember" I shrug "This way we won't forget"

He nods his head, completely understanding my logic. We're going to lose a lot of people, people we don't want to forget.

"Who else you got in ya death book?" He moves his eyes back over to me.

"It's not a death book" I roll my eyes, with a smile.

"So everyone in there isn't dead?" He asks, giving me a cheeky smirk, knowing he's right.

I let out a defeated sigh. "Okay fine it's a death book" I turn back to the drawing of Amy and continue my work. "My dad and baby brother" Daryl turns to me looking confused. "They’re the only other people in the book, don't really have a lot of people I love, you know?" 

“Maybe now is the perfect time to find someone to change that” He says nonchalantly until his brain catches up with his mouth and he realises what he just implied. I watch as his face turns bright red and he tightens his grip on the steering wheel.

“Are you volunteering?” He ignores me and tries hard to keep his focus on the road and away from me, not wanting to worsen his embarrassment. “That’s a shame, guess I’ll have to see if Glenn’s interested in the position”

“Glenn?” He scoffs.

“What? He’s sort of cute in a nerdy way” He scoffs again. “Okay, so he’s not my first choice but unfortunately that guy turned me down” I give him a pointed look. “So now I’m left with limited options”

Its quiet for a moment before Daryl works up the courage to talk to me.

“I didn’t turn you down” He says, finally turning to me.

I would be lying if I said hearing Daryl say that didn’t make me want to squeal like a teenage girl who just found out her crush liked her too. 

“No?” I ask with a smile on my face.

“No” He grabs my hand and places our hands in his lap.

“Oh God, just kiss already!” Adam groans from his seat as he turns away from us and tries to get back to sleep.

“I’m down if you are” I give Daryl a cheeky grin as I lean in closer.

“I’m driving” He says as he pulls me closer to him.

“Raincheck?” I ask, resting my head on his shoulder. He nods his head and that was enough to make me giddy with excitement. 

«---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

We had been driving for a little while before the convoy came to a halt and the others started to exit their vehicles. 

"I'm gonna check it out" Daryl states, exiting the truck and walking over to Rick and the others. The group talks for a few moments before Daryl signals Adam and me over. 

Adam holds his head out for me as he exits the truck, helping me down to the ground. As soon as the wind hits my skin a relieved sigh escaped my lips. Exiting the truck felt like a dream, turns out being squished in between two fully grown men, in a stuffy truck isn't a fun experience. _(Who would have thought it.)_

Adam and I walked over to the group where they filled us in on the plan, Jim wasn't doing so good and he had made the decision to be left behind. Shane and Rick help Jim over to a tree near the side of the road, whilst the rest of us gather around preparing to say our goodbyes to yet another member of our group. 

I wasn't particularly close to Jim, he kept himself to himself mostly but he was a sweet guy who was just trying to survive like the rest of us.

The final few miles to the C.D.C were spent mostly in silence, no one had much to say given the shitty 24 hours we've had. In a handful of seconds, our group of over 30 had been withered down to 14 and we were all starting to feel the hopelessness of our current situation.

Pulling up to the C.D.C was slightly traumatic, dead bodies littered the ground like they were nothing more than trash. It was heartbreaking seeing what once were someone's family member left to rot away in the Georgia heat. Unfortunately, this was the new normal being buried or having a funeral was a privilege most people won't ever get.

Daryl was the first to exit the truck, moving swiftly to cover Adam as he got out and helped me out after. Adam quickly handed me a bandanna to try and help cover the horrible, vomit-inducing smell from the corpses.

"Say close" Adam whispers to me as he grabs my hand. I give him a small nod and squeeze his hand as we follow the group towards the front of the CDC. 

"There's nobody here" T-Dog whines clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

"Then why are the shutters down?" Rick asks, not ready to give up on the CDC just yet.

"We have to go, we can't be near the city at night" Carol pulls Sophia into her chest, trying to shield the young girl from the horrors around us.

As the others start to argue with each other on what to do, Daryl grabs my arm and pushes me behind Adam. "Walker!" he shouts as he fires his bow, killing the closest walker.

"We need to go!" Shane shouts joining Daryl at the front of the group, acting as a barrier between the _'weaker'_ members and the dead.

"Everyone get to the cars now!" Everyone but Rick, Shane and Lori starts to move towards the cars but come to a complete stop when suddenly the doors of the C.D.C fly open and we're bathed in bright white light.

Adam practicality throws me into the safety of the C.D.C, coming to stand by my side shortly after with his handgun still pointed at the walkers slowly making their way towards the building.

“Anybody infected?” A man in his late 30's or maybe earlier 40's comes around the corner holding a shotgun. Adam moves so now he's in front of me, with his gun pointed at the new threat.

Rick takes a small step forward with his hands up, showing the mystery man he means no harm and is the leader of our ragtag group. “One of our group was… He didn’t make it.” At Rick’s comment, the other members of the group look around at each other with sadness in their eyes. Jim's death was still very present in all of our minds.

The mystery man narrows his eyes. “Why are you here? What do you want?”

“A chance” Is Rick's quick answer.

Mystery man takes a deep breath, exhaling loudly from his nose before lowering his gun “That’s asking a lot these days"

“I know” Rick says as the others all follow the scientist's cue and lower their own guns, I take this opportunity to move out from behind Adam and stand back by his side.

The man slowly starts walking towards Rick as he looks around our group, his eyes lingering on the younger members and my small bump the longest. “You all submit to a blood test. That's the price of admission”

“We can do that” Rick nods, turning to see if any of us have any issues with this request. Which of course none of us did, we would probably lick the bottom of his man's shoe if it meant we could stay here.

“You got stuff to bring in, you do it now. Once this door closes, it stays closed” He moves over to a panel and starts to type something.

Rick gestures for T-Dog, Daryl and Shane to grab our supplies. As soon as everyone is back in, Jenner seals the door. 

Rick walks towards the scientist with his hand extended. "Rick Grimes"

"Dr. Edwin Jenner" The men shake hands briefly before Jenner leads us to an elevator.

After a rather awkward and uncomfortable elevator ride, Jenner leads everyone into a room full of computer equipment and large wall-mounted screens. As we enter he informs us that he's the only science left in the whole building. He takes us into another room and instructs us to all sit as he gets the equipment ready to take our blood.

After a couple of minutes, Jenner has everything he needs all set up and starts taking our blood, Rick goes first just in case this is some sort of trick. _(Which of course it wasn't, but can you blame us? Stranger danger and all that shit)_

Dr. Jenner takes our blood without much hassle until it's Andrea's turn. Shockingly she decides to argue with the doctor. _(If you're surprised by this then you clearly haven't been paying attention)_

"What’s the point? If we were infected, we’d all be running a fever." She subtly rolls her eyes. 

"I’ve already broken every rule in the book letting you in here. Let me just at least be thorough. All done." He removes the needle from her arm, as she goes to stand Andrea gets dizzy, lucky Jacqui catches her before she falls. 

Jenner stands up. "You ok?" Jenner asks as he stands up from his chair.

Jacqui starts to rub Andrea's back softly. "She hasn’t eaten in days. None of us have" 

Jenner gives us a kind smile before leading us to the kitchen and dining area.

«---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

The kitchen was stocked mostly with powdered food but at this point, all of us are too hungry to care. It was decided that T-Dog would be the designated chef because apparently the assortment of powdered mash, eggs and other foods reminded him of his college years. I was reminded of my time at college when Jenner walked in carrying a box full of bottles of alcohol. 

As soon as the poor guy walked through the doorway he was particularly tackled by Daryl and Adam trying to get their hands on the good stuff before the others could get their hands on them. Daryl took the box off of Jenner and handed Adam one of the bottles of whiskey, he then took one for himself before handing the box to Dale to distribute out amongst the rest of us.

Dale starts to pour everyone a glass of red wine. Well everyone but Carl, Sophia and I, we were subjected to drinking diet coke. DIET COKE! The shit version of regular coke, if I wanted to drink flat-tasting coke I would drink Pepsi. _(Honestly, both are kind of gross, I'm more of a Fanta girl)_

By the time the food was served everyone was 2 or 3 glasses deep, and some were clearly showing signs of the alcohol taking effect, Jacqui for one couldn't stop giggling at absolutely everything and nothing, her giggling set of a chain reaction and soon everyone apart from me _(watching people get drunk when you can't drink isn't exactly fun)_ was laughing around their mouthfuls of mash potatoes and frozen veggies. 

"Stop pouting" Adam says as he grabs my face and pulls my mouth into a smile. 

"I wasn't pouting" I rolled my eyes and hit his hand away from my face.

"You were definitely pouting, you were doing that mouth thing that you…" Glenn stops talking once he sees the heated bitch face I was sending his way.

T-Dog pats my head as he takes his seat to my right. "Just eat the food that I lovingly prepared for you and drink your soda like a good little girl, okay?" 

"I don't really like soda unless it has alcohol in it"

"Nope absolutely not!" Adam grabs his half-drunk bottle of whiskey from the table next to me and pulls it into his chest, he holds it so tight that I thought he might break it.

"Jesus Adam, calm down I wasn't asking for you to add whiskey to my soda. Geez, I was just stating a fact" I roll my eyes. "Baby equals no alcohol or anything fun whatsoever, don't worry I know" 

Adam nods his head approvingly before releasing the whiskey from his death grip. After a few moments, Dale stands up and opens another bottle of wine and starts to refill people's glasses. He stops next to Carl. "You know, in Italy, children have a little bit of wine with dinner. And in France."

Lori covers Carl’s glass with her hand. "When Carl is in Italy or France, he can have some then." 

"What’s it gonna hurt? Come on. Come on." Rick says visibly drunk, Lori moves her hand away and Dale pores Carl some wine. 

"There you are, young lad." Everyone waits patiently to see his reaction. 

Carl tries the wine and intently gags as the liquid touches his tongue. "Eeew!" 

"That’s my boy" Lori pores Carl's wine into her glass as everyone starts laughing at Carl.

"Yuck. That tastes nasty." He shakes his head like he's questioning why anyone would drive this horrible liquid.

"I'm not much of a wine drinker either cutie, always wake up with a killer headache no matter how much I had to drink the night before" I push my glass of soda over to him.

I don't know how suburban moms do it, is it like a sort of superpower once you have a couple of kids and a mortgage you can drink a whole bottle of wine at night without the horrible after-effects? Now that's a cool superpower.

"You just stick to soda pop there, bud." Shane ruffles Carl's hair. 

"Not you, Glenn." Glenn turns to Daryl confused. "Keep drinking little man I wanna see how red your face can get." He shakes some whiskey in front of Glenn's face. Glenn starts to blush when he realises everyone's eyes are on him.

Fonatuently for Glenn, Rick saves him from his embarrassment by raising his glass at Jenner. “It seems to me we haven’t thanked our host properly.” 

“He is more than just our host.” T-Dog cheers.

“Booyah!” Daryl shouts, raising his bottle of whisky, everyone cheers as Jenner raises his glass to Rick.

Shane shakes his head. “So when are you gonna tell us what the hell happened here, Doc? All the… all the other doctors figuring out what happened. Where are they?” 

“We’re celebrating, Shane. Not now.” Rick rolls his eyes.

Shane raises his hands up in surrender. “Whoa, wait a second. That’s why we’re here, right? This was your move, to find all the answers. Instead…we found him. Found one man. Why?” 

“Well, when things got bad, a lot of people just…left. Went off to be with their families. And when things got worse, when the military cordon got overrun, the rest bolted.” Jenner, eyes fell to his plate, he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

“Every last one?” Dale gently asks.

“No. many couldn’t face walking out the door. They… opted out. There was a rash of suicides. That was a bad time.” He takes a big gulp of his wine, as he tries to calm himself down.

“You didn’t leave. Why?” Andera asks.

“I just kept working. Hoping…to do some good.” The whole room falls silent, the relaxed atmosphere from before had turned sombre at the doctors’ words.

“Dude, you are such a buzz-kill, man.” Glenn sighs heavily. 

Everyone goes back to getting their meals however, this time instead of laughter, only the sound of cutlery clattering against places filled the room.

«---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

Jenner leads us down a long corridor. “Most of the facility is powered down, including housing. You’ll have to make do here. The couches are comfortable, but there are cots in storage. There’s a rec room down the hall that you kids might enjoy. Just…just don’t plug in the video games or anything that draws power. Same applies if you shower, go easy on the hot water.” 

Glenn turns to the rest of the group with a massive smile on his face. “Hot water?” 

“That’s what the man said” T-Dog runs off towards one of the rooms with Glenn following after.

The rest of us can't help but laugh at their childish behaviour, even though we were all just as excited about the idea of a long hot shower. After weeks of bathing in the cold water of the lake at the quarry, it was like a dream come true.

The rooms look like offices, there is a small desk and chair in one of the corners surrounded by filing cabinets and boxes. Next to the desk was a nice looking blue couch, across from the couch was a door that leads to the small bathroom which had a basic shower, toilet, sink and a mirror on the wall. 

"Couch or cot?" I ask Adam as I _'gracefully'_ collapse onto the couch. Jenner was right, these couches are comfy. Adam comes and sits down next to me. 

"You can take the couch, seems comfy enough" He places his head on the armrest and closes his eyes. 

"Don't you wanna go take a shower?" He hums in agreement but doesn't move. I stand and pull him to his feet. "Come on you can go first" 

I push him towards the bathroom door and hand him his bag. "You have 5 minutes" I close the door and walk over to my bag, I pull out some clothes to sleep in, bottles of watermelon scented shampoo and conditioner, shaving cream and a couple of razors. _(Never use the same razor to shave your whole body that's just asking for trouble)_

After 5 minutes Adam emerges from the bathroom, steam also follows him out. I have to hold back my laughter when I see that he's decided to forgo a shirt and pants and is only wearing a towel on his head. 

"Have fun handsome?" I take the towel from his head and bring him down so I can run it through his hair.

"The water pressure is to die for" He grabs my hands, stopping me from drying his hair and looks into my eyes with a childlike wonder. "You have to try it"

"Yeah I was planning to, I wanted to shave too, would you help me. I don’t wanna spent too long in there”

He takes the towel from my hands and throws it in the corner of the room. "Yeah, come on" He heads back into the bathroom and turns the shower back on. I follow him back into the room with all of my needed accessories. 

"Strip" He demands once the water temperature is to his liking. 

"Oh Adam, you know I love it when you get all controlling like that" I wink at him, playfully before ridding myself of my clothes. 

"Shut up and get that cute butt in the shower" He slaps my butt as I move around him to get into the shower.

The second I step under the warm water my body practically melts, it feels amazing. I had completely forgotten how nice a relaxing shower is. Adam hands me the bottles and I quickly wash my hair, knowing that we still have a lot to do and we can't waste water. _(Even if I really just want to spend hours washing my hair over and over again)_

Next, he hands me one of the razors and I do my armpits as he stares at the other razor with a terrified look. "Will you calm down, it's not like you haven't done this before" 

It's true once we got high and took a bath together, Adam was fixated on my 3-day stubble legs and asked if he could shave them which of course I agreed too. _(I really didn't wanna do them, it's a lot of work)_ After that day it became a semi-regular event, by the 4th time he had graduated to the _'full body shave'_ and was surprisingly better at it then I was. 

"Usually when I do this we're in a bath… how do we…" He gestures to the shower then my body.

I lean my back against the shower wall and hand him one of my legs. He lifts it slightly higher and starts to add the cream to my leg.

“Is there any reason in particular as to why you’re shaving?” He starts to slowly run the razor over my leg. “Planning on a certain person seeing it later?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me. 

“Maybe” I shrug, he didn’t know to know that I was planning on seeing where Daryl and I actually stand tonight and if that leads to us having sex then fantastic and if not Adam was right the showerhead does have amazing water pressure.

He points the razor at me. “No maybe about it sweetheart you are going to get on that dick tonight because after two months of no action we both need this. I’m going to need every little detail so I can live vicariously through you” 

“Call it payment for getting you ready for him, he gets to fuck a smooth pussy and I get to know how big his dick is, it’s only fair” He shrugs casually before getting back to the task at hand.

You might think talking about your sexual exploits with your best friend would be weird but for us it’s completely normal, hearing about my experiences was the only thing that got him through his closeted teen years. High school was a hard time for him and if hearing about how Finley Hill _(My high school boyfriend)_ had a weirdly shaped dick _(It looked like one of those messed up homegrown carrots)_ helped him out then I was happy to share that nugget of information with him.


	7. Ending season 1 with a BANG

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl shows off his skills to our resident artist, Cassandra does some bathroom redecorating, and Adam gets alcohol poisoning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know It's been a month since my last update but July wasn't my month. 
> 
> All I have to say is fuck 2020!!!

After Adam had finished with me, I felt like a completely different person. I no longer looked like I had Bob Ross going down on me. _(You are very welcome for that mental picture)_ Walking out of the bathroom, brushing my slightly damp hair, I watch as Adam searches through his bag.

“What are you looking for?” I ask, moving around him to get to my bag, pulling out a hair tie.

He looks up at me briefly before going back to his search. “Are you going to wear that?” 

I looked down at my sleeping outfit, which consisted of a baggy Batman t-shirt and a pair of grey lounge pants. _(AKA pure comfort)_ “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” 

“What’s right with it would have been the easier question” He sassed.

I shrug and put my hair up into a high ponytail. “It’s comfy” 

“I’m sure it is, but we’re not going for comfort tonight” He finally finds whatever he was searching for in his bag and hides it behind his back.

“We’re not?” Confused, I try to reach around him and grab whatever he’s hiding, but he just pushes me away from him.

“Nope, tonight we’re going for more of a _‘sex on legs’_ vibe” He throws the mystery item he was hiding at my face. To my surprise, it was a baby pink satin cami PJ set with white lacing around the edges. 

I catch it and throw it back at him without really looking at the outfit, knowing already that there is no way I’m wearing this shit. “I’m not wearing this” 

“Yes, you are” He walks closer to me and pushes the clothes into my chest. “We have someone to impress, and you're not going to impress anyone wearing that frumpy nightmare” He pulls on my t-shirt.

“Why do you even have this?” I ask as I finally look over the outfit. 

As a girl who chooses comfort every time, this is not something I would ever wear to bed, but I have to admit it’s kind of cute. But I don’t see how me wearing a more reliving outfit is going to increase my chances of getting laid. If they already want to sleep with you when you’re fully clothed why does it matter if I’m wearing _‘a frumpy nightmare’_ I’m pretty sure most of the male population would still sleep with a woman even if she were wearing a sack. So what difference does it make what I wear?

“I saw the way you were eye banging Daryl the first week at camp” He helps me remove my t-shirt and runs a hand over my exposed bump. “It might be a little tight, I thought you were going to use it sooner, but you surprisingly didn’t jump on him like a cat in heat”

I scoff. “I do have some self-control” 

He laughs and bumps my shoulder. “Well if everything goes right with my plan tonight your _‘self-control’_ will be reduced to nothing”

“You have a plan? A plan for what?” I finish changing my outfit and turn around to place my old clothes in my bag.

“Getting Daryl to bend you over the table and fuck you from behind” He grabs my hips and fake humps me from behind.

“I get the feeling Daryl's not that type of guy” I say as I turn around in Adam’s hold.

“Maybe so but I've seen you seduce better men into some pretty uncharacteristic acts” He squeezes my hips. “And with you looking like this he might have to fight off the other guys”

I shrug. “Or we could all just have a massive orgy”

“As fun as that sounds I don’t know if I wanna see Dale’s naked body” We both grimaced at the thought of Dale’s old man body, as much as I love Dale no one wants to see old man balls unless you’re getting paid. _(Shout out to all the hard-working gold diggers out there, get that money girl you deserve it and more for dealing with wrinkled plums)_

I poke him in the chest. “That is an excellent point” 

I pull away from him and head over to my art bag; I place it over my shoulder before turning back to Adam, who is searching through his bag again. However, before I could ask him what he was looking for now, he made me lose all train of thought with this elegant question.

“Do you think they’re saggy?” He pulls something out of his bag and places it in his back pocket.

“Please stop putting the image of Dale’s gross balls into my head” I fake gag as I walk towards the door.

“They’re definitely saggy” He gives me a cheeky smile, I go to hit him in the arm, but he runs off down the hall chuckling like a mad man before I could get close to him.

I roll my eyes at his childish behaviour and start to make my way in the dictation of the kitchen, knowing that’s where some of us were meeting after everyone took a shower.

«----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

By the time I reach the kitchen, Adam is already sitting at the table with Glenn and T-Dog as I enter. They all turn to me, Adam jokingly wolf whistles at me as I cross the room and take a seat next to him at the table. 

“Are you okay, Glenn?” Adam asks, we all turn to look at Glenn who’s staring at me with his mouth hanging open.

“I think she broke him,” T-Dog says as he waves a hand in front of Glenn’s face.

“You might wanna close your mouth there, buddy. You’re catching flies” Adam jokes as he uses his hand to close Glenn’s mouth for him.

“Sorry” Glenn mutters once whatever spell he was under was broken, we all watch as he turns bright red. “It’s just...wow you look great” 

“You do” T adds, giving me a playful wink.

“Thanks” I smile at Glenn and T before reaching into my art bag and pull out my pencils and one of my sketchbooks. I turn to a clean page and start to map out the basic design of what I want to draw for Rick’s surprise drawing.

Adam taps his fingers on the table. “So what’s the plan?” 

T shrugs. “Get juiced then blackout in a few hours?”

Glenn and Adam both nod, happy with T’s suggestion of a whole night of heavy drinking.

Suddenly Glenn jumps up from his chair and hits the table with his fists, we all turn to him shocked and confused as to why he would do that. “We should do shots!”

“Amazing idea!” Adam shouts as he also jumps up from his chair and high fives Glenn.

T-Dog shakes his hand but chuckles lightly at their behaviour. “I’m not doing shots of whiskey we need something else”

“Do you think Jenner has anything else stored away?” Adam asks.

“Only one way to find out, Scavenger hunt!” Glenn shouts as he runs out of the door and disappears around the corner. Adam, T-Dog and I look at each other and burst out laughing, apparently drunk Glenn is a lot of fun. 

“We should probably follow him before he hurts himself” T suggests once we’ve all calmed down.

“You okay here?” Adam asks, looking down at me. “I would say if you need me to come and find me, but I’m probably not going to be much help soon” 

“I’ll be fine, go have fun and make sure Glenn doesn’t run into a wall or something” He crouches down in front of me and pulls me into a hug, I feel him put something in the waistband of my shorts. I look at him questioningly, but instead of explaining himself, he just smirks at me and whispers in my ear _‘for later’_ before running out of the room.

T-Dog shakes his head and mutters _‘children’_ before following after Adam. I wait for a few moments to make sure I’m alone, once I’m sure no one is going to walk in on me I reach into the back of my shorts and pull out whatever Adam put there.

“Jesus Christ” I mutter to myself as I look at the condom Adam left me.

As I put the condom into the front pocket of my art bag, I hear a gruff _‘Hey’_ from behind me.

I turn around and see Daryl leaning on the door frame “Adam said you were in here”

“Did he?” I asked, turning back to my drawing. 

“Yeah, asked me to watch ya. Apparently, you keep getting into trouble when he ain’t around” He takes a seat next to me and turns slightly, so his body was facing mine. _(I guess this is part of Adam’s ‘plan’)_

“I was just going to sit here and draw. You don’t need to babysit me you can go get drunk with the others” I nod my head to the exit.

“Nah, I’m good here” He leans back in his chair, folds his arms over his chest and gets comfortable.

I shake my head at him before going back to my drawing. He watches me draw in silence for a few moments until he gets bored and picks up one of my spare pencils and starts carving lines into the table. Before he could damage the table or my pencil anymore, I slid an additional piece of paper under his pencil, he paused his movements and looked over at me, confused. 

“I don’t think we should be wrecking the place” He nods at me and starts to draw random lines on the paper I gave him. 

I watch him out of the corner of my eye for a while, while I try to think of a way to breach the subject of _‘us’_ without scaring him off. I feel like a teenager who’s trying to get her crush to admit he likes her too, which is actually quite fitting considering I haven’t had to have a convocation like this since being in high school. 

“You draw like a three-year-old” I chuckle and point at the shapes he’s started to draw. 

“I ain't no artist” He shrugs, I lean over him slightly and bring my pencil over to the oval shape he made and turn it into a cute baby penguin, I give him a warm smile once I finish. 

“We all have to start somewhere” I move over to another one of his doodles, and turn it into a lily pad with a frog sitting on top. “I bet it took you years of practice before you became a badass with your crossbow”

“A few” He looks at me briefly before he grabs my wrist and moves it over to a triangle, I get the hint and start to change it into a slice of cake. “Why’d ya start drawing?”

“It was something my dad and I would do together. He would always joke that I must have made a deal with the devil for skills like mine” I smile warmly at the memory. “It took me a few years to get back into it after he died, but once I started again I never wanted to stop”

“You’re good at it” He finishes up his next shape and moves his hand out of the way, so I had more room to fix his drawing. This one looked like a pear, so I turned it into a chibi avocado who’s eating a piece of toast. 

“Can I ask you something?” He nods hesitantly. “You could be doing anything else right now, why are you really here with me?”

“You know why” He starts to fidget in his seat.

Not happy with that answer, I try to get him to elaborate. “Do I?” 

I watch as he seems to go through an internal battle; unfortunately for him, I was done with the vague answers. I needed real confirmation if he wasn’t going to give me that then I was going to force it out of him. However, before I could even open my mouth, Daryl interrupts me by crashing his lips onto mine. The kiss felt extremely desperate like he was trying to get it over with as quickly as possible before he changed his mind and realised it was a bad idea.

Before I could even think about kissing back or reassuring him that I didn't mind him kissing me _(I've only been waiting for this moment of like months),_ He broke the kiss and practically ran from the room, leaving me sitting alone in the kitchen, mouth slightly open, looking utterly confused. 

This man is so confusing; he kisses me then bolts out the door, what kind of message does that send? I honestly can’t tell if he did that just to get me to stop talking or if he was testing the waters to see how I would react and I somehow messed it up.

Before I could get to in my head about the whole situation, I packed away all of my stuff into my bag, placed it onto my shoulder and headed out in search of Daryl. Thankfully Daryl is kind of predictable, so I knew he would be hiding out in his room. As I reach his door, I pause, not sure how to approach this current situation. 

Do I just walk in and demand answers, or do I approach this calmly?

Once I figure out my game plan I knock gently on the door, a few tense moments pass, but just as I was starting to think he was ignoring me and hoping I would just go away, the door opened, relieving an anxious Daryl.

Without any hesitation, I grab his face and pull him down into a kiss, showing exactly how I felt about him. I tried to pour every ounce of emotion that's been developing inside me for the last few weeks.

As I pull away, I look over Daryl’s face and try to gauge what was going through his head. Still, his face wasn’t giving anything away which was making me slightly nervous but thankfully before my imagination could run wide with all the adverse outcomes that could come next, Daryl places one of his hands on my cheek.

“Why did ya do that?” He asks as I lean my face into his hand.

“You know why” I echo his words from earlier knowing he’ll get the message.

He searched my eyes for what felt like years before he found whatever verification he was looking for and grabbed my face with both of his hands and pulled us back into a short kiss.

“You could do better” He whispers on my lips.

“No, I can’t” I gently push him back into his room and follow in after, closing the door behind me.

“What are you doing?” He asks, surprised.

“Check the front pocket” I say as I throw my art bag at him, he catches it effortlessly and searching the pocket, I watch as his eyes widen when he sees what he’s just pulled out.

“We could be dead tomorrow do you wanna keep beating around the bush or do you wanna see where this goes?” I move my hands under his shirt and run my hands over his stomach; I feel him tense under my fingers. “If you don’t want to do this, you have to tell me now”

He runs one of his fingers over my lip. “I want this if ya do”

I move my hands down to his pants and start to undo his belt. “You have no idea how much I want this” 

He pushes me into the door and tilts my head up to make it easier for him to kiss me. I managed to get his belt and pants undone quickly, which was fortunate because not even a second later, he started to grind his hips into me, causing me to lose all control over my body. 

“Jump” Daryl growls into my ear. It took every ounce of my willpower to gain back control to follow his instructions, as soon as Daryl had a good hold on me. I jumped and wrapped my legs around him.

Once I was in his arms, Daryl started to move his lips down my neck and collarbone, nipping and sucking as he went. I could feel Daryl smiling onto my skin, and I began to rock my hips back and forth, looking for some kind of friction, he was enjoying turning me into a squirming mess. He smirks at me as he slowly puts one of his hands down the front of my shorts and starts to run his fingers through my soaked folds, I had to suck in a breath to stop myself from coming completely undone. “I didn’t think it would be this easy to get you going” 

Before I could come up with some witty remark about how I haven’t had sex in over three months, he pushed two of his fingers inside of me causing the only sound to escape my lips to be a high pitched moan of pleasure. I tighten my legs around his waist and grab his shoulders as he picks up speed and uses his thumb to rub at my clit, within seconds I start to feel my stomach muscles tighten and the warmth in my core spread throughout my body. I had to bury my face into the crook of his neck to dampen the sounds of pleasure he was managing to pull from me. I felt my figures dig into his back as my walks closed around his fingers and with one last thrust, the world around me faded and all I could hear was the whooshing of my blood pumping in my ears. 

Daryl continued to slowly pump his fingers inside me as I rode out my orgasm after my body stopped reacting, he slowly removed his fingers. Once my breathing had calmed down, and I had recovered, he carefully lowered me back to the ground. 

“We don’t have to go any further” He moves some of my sweat-soaked hair out of my face and tucks in gently behind my ear.

“Shut up” I pulled him down into a kiss by his shirt and slowly moved us over to the couch. 

“Don’t try and talk me out of this” I say as I push him down onto the couch and straddle his lap, locking my arms around his neck. “It’s not going to work”

“It’s been a while since I’ve done this” He emits, turning red with embarrassment like that's anything to be embarrassed about.

I can't help but smile at his adorableness as I try to put him at ease. “I can take the lead if you want?” 

He nods and visibly relaxes, which I took as a sign that I was clear to get things going. I slowly reach my hand through his pants into his boxers and gently run one of my fingers over his length, he jumps at the touch. As I wrap the rest of my fingers around him and slowly start to move them up and down, his breathing starts to become heavy. 

I smirk at him and repeat his words to me from moments ago. “I didn’t think it would be this easy to get you going”

“I’ve already told ya it's been awhile” He says through gritted teeth, as he tries hard to keep himself together. As I tighten my grip on him and increase my speed, his fingers start to dig into my hips until one of his hands grabs my wrist. 

“If you want this to go further, you better stop, or I’m not gonna last” He manages to say in between panting.

“Better get things moving then, huh?” I lick my lips before bringing him in for a kiss. 

He moves his hand down to his pants, and I raise myself so he could remove them easier, he pulls the condom out of his pocket before he kicks both his pants and boxers on to the floor. Once he has the condom in place he grabs hold of my hips again and lowers me back down, I slowly rock my hips back and forth and feel him start to grow under me. If it weren’t for Daryl pulling at the waistband of my shorts, I would have completely forgotten I was wearing them, the thin fabric was doing a lousy job at stopping me from feeling everything. They had to go, so I lifted myself again and allowed Daryl to remove them. 

Without breaking eye contact with him I grab his dick and line it up with my entrance and slowly lower myself onto him, I rest my forehead on his chest as I wait for my body to adjust to him. Once I felt comfortable, I started to rock my hips again, Daryl got the message and began to thrust his hips in rhythm with mine as he grabbed my face and started to kiss me.

Without breaking the kiss a reach my hands down and start to unbutton his shirt but before I could even get the first button undone he grabs my wrists and pulls away from me, I look at him confused until I see the terrified look in his eyes. It’s a look I’m all too familiar with, I’ve seen it on my face a few times in the past before I decided to say fuck it and stopped caring what people thought of my body if they had a problem with my scars that’s on them not me.

I remove my wrists from Daryl’s grip and move his hands back to my hips, he looks at me hesitantly but relaxes when I give him a reassuring smile. Once I felt like he was comfortable enough, I removed my top. I waited for him to make eye contact with me again before I lightly grabbed his hands and gently ran them over a few of the scars on my back. It took a few seconds for him to register what he was feeling, but after it clicked, I saw the trust return back into his eyes. Then I went back to my task, I started slow not wanting to scare him off again, but he was too focused on mapping out the scars on my back to notice what I was doing. 

After I had his shirt off I threw it to the side, I felt his hands stop their movements on my body, but before he had a chance to go back into his head I ran my hands over his shoulders and started to bounce on him gently, he instantly matched my rhythm again which thankfully meant he was to busy to listen to any of the demons in his head. 

As we increased our speed, I started to feel the pressure building inside me again, I went to reach down to help myself along, but Daryl's hand beat me to it. With him rubbing me and our fast pace it didn’t take long for me to feel my core tightening around him. 

“I’m close” I say as I tighten my legs around him. 

Without saying a word, Daryl increased the speed of his thrusts and soon sent me over the edge. As the wave of pleasure hits me, I collapse into his chest and bite my lip hard to stop from screaming out in pleasure. _(We didn’t need someone walking in to investigate the screams)_ Not long after I feel Daryl’s body jerk under me as he reaches his peak, he contentious to lazily fuck into me as our bodies come down from our highs. 

Once we had both calmed down, Daryl stood up with me still on his waist. He walks us over to the small bathroom in his room, grabbing his shirt on the way, once we reach the door, he places me on the ground.

“You should get cleaned up” He hands me his shirt and opens the door for me, I walk in and close the door behind me.

I take a few moments to clean myself, pee and put on Daryl's shirt before moving over to the mirror and pulling out my hair and running my fingers through it. Once it’s been tamed I head for the door, I take a deep breath and prepare myself for Daryl to kick me out and send me back to my room. _(Gotta love the walk of shame)_

However, as I leave the bathroom, I’m left speechless. The couch cushions have been laid on the ground with blankets and pillows atop them; I look over to Daryl puzzled.

“What’s all this?” I ask as I start to move over to the makeshift bed.

“Couch ain't big enough for the both of us” He shrugs, as he pulls his boxers up. 

“You want me to stay?” I turned to face him feeling completely flustered; I wasn’t expecting him to want me to stay if anything I thought he would have tried to ignore me till I left on my own. Most of the time, the only reason I spent the night with someone was that I was too drunk to stay awake long enough to wait for a cab. 

He looks at me mortified when he realises I wasn’t planning on staying. “You ain't gotta” He bites his thumbnail nervously as he waits for my response.

It only took me a second to decide I’m staying. Why wouldn’t I? I get out of having to sneak back to my room without someone seeing me, and more importantly, I get to spend more time with a barely clothed, Daryl. It's a win, win really.

I give him a beaming smile before jumping onto his makeshift bed; I make myself comfortable before turning back to him. “Are you going to join me or am I going to have to cuddle one of the pillows” I playfully raise an eyebrow in question.

“I don’t cuddle” He rolls his eyes at me before slowly making his way over to me, judging by his movements he’s still a little unsure but he seems to be starting to loosen up a little. 

I grab his hand and pull him down on top of me; he catches himself with his free hand before he crushed me. I smile up at him as he looks down at me all flustered. We’ve just had sex and yet here he is blushing like a schoolboy all because I pulled him down on top of me, we’re not even really touching.

“I’ll let you be the little spoon if you want” I lift my head a little and bring us into a sweet kiss.

He scoffed before rolling off of me onto the other side of the bed. “If we’re doing this shit I ain’t being the little spoon” He grumbles as he pulls me into his side.

“I’m okay with that” I rest my head on his shoulder and wrap one of my arms around his chest, I feel his arm come to rest on my hip before I close my eyes and try to get some sleep. 

After the events of the previous few days and the _‘work out’_ Daryl, and I just did it didn't take long for my tired body to fall into the sweet relief of sleep.

«----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

Waking up the next morning was strange, after months of sharing a tent with _‘Mr Clumsy’_ it was weird not to be woken up by the sounds of things being dropped on the ground or muffled swears as he walked into something in the dark. 

Instead, I was woken up by someone faintly running their fingers over the scars on my back. My tired brain doesn't have time to figure out where we were before it decided to go into panic mode, which consists of making my whole body tense up and making my heart beat so fast it feels like it might give out at any moment. 

However, before I could go into a fully-fledged panic attack, the hand moves from under the shirt I'm wearing. Seconds later, I feel my hair getting tucked behind my ear.

“It's just me” At the sound of his gravelly voice, my brain finally catches up and realises where we are.

My eyes snap open, and I look up to see a very apologetic Daryl. “Didn't mean to scare ya” He runs his thumb over my cheek. “Should've known not to touch ya like that”

I have to take a few deep breaths before saying “It's okay” But it still comes out shaky and a little breathless.

“No, it's not I wasn't thinking” He removes his hand from my face and starts to bite his thumbnail anxiously, he looks down at me nervously like he’s waiting for me to flip my shit on him or something.

I sit up slightly and gently grab his wrist, stopping him from biting down to the bone. I rest my head back on his chest before nonchalantly moving his hand back under my shirt and leaving it there. He doesn’t move it at first, but once I snuggle closer to him, he understands what I’m trying to do and starts to move one of his fingers cautiously. 

“You can touch me whenever you like, just try not to do it when I’m sleeping because I can’t guarantee I won’t wake up in a panic again or even worse, swinging” I lightly punch him in the chest. “I’ve given a few guys blackeyes after they made that mistake.”

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time” He chuckles.

“Next time?” I sit up in surprise. “You want to do this again?”

“I…I...” His adorable little face turns bright red as he tries to stutter out an answer. 

Instead of sitting here watching him struggle to form words, I decided to help him answer my question. I move so I’m straddling him and slowly lower myself down until my lips are millimetres from his. “Sometimes actions are better than words” 

I wait there in anticipation as I watch his eyes bounce from mine to my lips, rapidly until he finally makes a choice and connects our mouths in a soft kiss. 

In the middle of our makeout session, I suddenly start to feel a bubbling in my stomach. I try to ignore it not waiting to ruin the moment with Daryl but once I begin to feel the bile burning its way through my throat, I know I don’t have much of a choice and need to get to a toilet before I puke over Daryl. _(It would be kind of hard to recover from puking into his mouth)_ I jump up quickly and rush into the bathroom, only just managing to reach the toilet before last night's meal greets me.

I try to take a deep breath, but my body has other ideas and decides right now is the best time to try out our _‘little girl for the exorcist movie’_ cosplay. It's coming out at such a violent force that it starts to flow out of my nose.

“Fuck” Daryl mumbles before rushing over and kneeling beside me. He gathers my puke-covered hair in his hands and tucks it into the back of my shirt before gently rubbing my back.

After about 30 seconds, the vomiting comes to a stop, as it does I fall back onto my butt and wipe the tears from my cheeks.

“You good? Daryl asks as he continues to rub my back.

I shake my head as I take the hair tie off my wrist and gather my hair into a haphazard bun, just in time for the gagging to start up again. Thankful the only thing that comes out is a small dribble of stomach acid. 

“I'm going to get Adam” Daryl announces as he stands up and scrambles out of the room in a panic. He quickly throws on his clothes before leaving to hunt down Adam.

When I hear the door close the gagging comes to a stop, I rest my head on the toilet seat and let myself break down. My whole respiratory system felt like it was on fire, and my stomach hurt from all the spasming.

It couldn't have taken Daryl and Adam more than a couple of minutes to get back, but for me, it felt like hours had passed. Once Adam lays eyes on me, he insistently rushes over to me and gathers me into his arms. He takes a couple of pieces of toilet paper and wipes my face clean of all the grossness that covers it.

Daryl slowly makes his way over to us and kneels in front of us. “Got her this” He hands Adam a water bottle he took from the kitchen. 

“Small sips” He brings the bottle up to my lips and pours a small amount of water into my mouth. The water helps soothe my throat but as soon as I finish drinking the sick feeling returns and I immediately push away from Adam and go back to the toilet in time for the reminisce of my stomach contents to exit my body.

“I'm going to take her back to our room, could you get her stuff?” He asks Daryl as he tucks the loose strands of my hair behind my ears, stopping them from getting covered in more vomit.

I hear Daryl grunt in acknowledgement before he wanders off into his room. Moments, after he leaves the nausea, subsides and I fall back into Adam's waiting arms; he gently rocks us from side to side.

A little while later, Daryl returns carrying my bag and an empty trash can. “Do ya want help getting her back? 

“This isn't the first time I've had to drag her puking butt back to our room” He stands up and grabs my hands, cautiously, pulling me to my feet. “I've got this”

Daryl doesn't argue and lets Adam take the lead, believing Adam's statement about having dealt with me in a similar state many times before. He hands over my bag to Adam before turning his attention to me.

“Got you this” He hesitantly holds out the trash can for me to take, I take it from him with a smile. 

“Good idea, I don't think Jenner would appreciate her getting vomit on his nice carpets” Adam jokes as we all move towards the bedroom door.

Daryl gently grabs my arm, causing us all to stop just before the exit, both Adam and I look at him confused. But it all became apparent when he gave Adam a look at could only be described as _'piss off and leave us alone'_.

Adam thankfully quickly caught on. “I'm just going to wait out here,” He says, awkwardly as he leaves the room, taking my _'sick bucket'_ with him.

Once we were alone, Daryl wastes no time and pulls me in for a kiss.

“Dude, gross” I lightly slap his chest and wipe my mouth. “I taste like vomit”

“I've kissed worse” He shrugs like kissing someone who has vomit breath is nothing, which it isn’t, I wouldn't want to kiss me right now. _(My whole mouth taste like ass)_

“Really? Have you seen the mess I left your bathroom in?” I look down at myself and notice small stains of vomit on my skin and outfit. “There isn't an inch of me that isn't covered with vomit”

I pull slightly on his shirt I'm wearing and try to wipe off the drying puke. “I'll make sure to clean this before I return it to you”

He grabs my hands and stops my nervous fidgeting. “Keep it” He leans down and pulls me into another quick kiss. “You can wear it when we do this again”

“I’ll try not to ruin the mood with my projectile vomiting next time” I fake gag but quickly stop when it starts to make me feel like I might be sick again for the 500th time today.

“I’d appreciate that” He leans over me and opens the door, revealing a suspicious-looking Adam, he gives us both a sheepish smile before moving away from the door he was listening through.

“Ya sure, you don’t need my help?” Daryl asks Adam as we both exit the room.

Adam hands me the trash can back before he effortlessly lifts me into his arms bridal style. “I’ve got her, but you might want to go and tell the others she's okay, they were pretty concerned when you came running in all panicked shouting about how something was wrong with Cassie” 

Daryl nods sheepishly before heading in the direction of the kitchen. 

“I can walk,” I say as Adam turns around and starts to walk us down the hallway towards our room. 

“You can?” He questions as he opens the door to our room then places me down on the couch. “I would think after a night with Daryl you wouldn't be able to walk for at least a week”

I shrug and start to undo the buttons of Daryl’s shirt. “Maybe that’ll happen next time” 

“Oh, right!” He excitedly falls to his knees in front of me and squeezes my thighs. “I want to know everything; no detail is too small”

“Help me wash the vomit out of my hair, and I'll draw you a diagram” I pat his cheek.

“Deal” He sprints into the bathroom to start the shower.

«----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

After we got all of the hazardous material out of my hair and off of my body, Adam confined me to the couch while he went and got me something light to eat in hopes of filling my empty stomach. He was also going to look for something chocolatey as the parasite decided halfway through my shower that it wanted a sugary snack _(Preferably a KitKat but I guess we’d settle for something different if we had to)_

Adam left after I finished telling him all about my night with Daryl, I left out a few details like his scars and my almost panic attack. It’s not my place to tell people about something Daryl is insecure about _(I may be a terrible person but that would have been crossing the line)_. I didn’t tell him about my slight attack this morning because he’s already worrying about me and I don't think he could smother me anymore but he might.

He had been gone for a while at this point, and I was starting to get worried, the kitchen was just down the hall. It shouldn't have taken him more than five minutes at most to get everything he needed. 

Just as I was getting ready to get up and find him, he bursts through the door. He looks around the room before rushing over to my bag and throwing it in my direction. 

“Pack your stuff and anything else useful” I follow his instructions without question. The look of complete terror he had on his face was enough to tell me everything I needed to know. If Adam was scared, it was severe, and that meant we probably didn't have time to play 20 questions. 

I luckily had only unpacked a few items the previous night, which meant I finished in a matter of seconds. When I finished with my stuff, I ran into the bathroom and looked around for anything useful just like Adam instructed.

I started with the cabinets under the sink, which ended up being a complete bust; the only thing I found was a half-used bottle of cheap cologne. Just as I was starting to think there was nothing useful in here, I opened the mirror cabinet. I hit the jackpot, it was rammed full with orange pill bottles, unused cleaning products, but the icing on the cake had to be the two boxes of tampons sitting pretty on the top shelf. _(I may not need them but I’m sure the other females of the group would appreciate this essential product)_

Unfortunately, I could only reach the bottom shelf so I called for Adam knowing his tall ass could reach everything in here with ease. 

“What?” He asks as he runs into the bathroom. I point to the treasure trove and watch as his eyes widen with joy. “Holy shit!”

“Help me” He nods and hands me a half-empty bag to throw the supplies into. 

We were about halfway through when the lights suddenly cut out; I felt Adam reach out and grab my hand before the emergency lights kick in, and the room filled with a faint glow of red. 

I squeezed Adam’s hand tightly out of fear; I was fine not knowing what was going on when we had the comfort of light and power, but now I was starting to panic and wanted answers. “Adam, what the hell is going on?”

He doesn’t say anything to me, but from the look on his face, I knew whatever was going on was also scaring him, which made me panic even more.

“Keep packing” He gives my hand a comforting squeeze before he goes back to throwing the supplies into the bag I’m holding. 

“What?” I ask confused; staying here alone didn't seem like a smart plan. “We should find the others”

“And we will” He takes a deep breath. “But right now we need to be smart and not panic” 

“Easier said than done” I mumble.

“I’m scared too Cassie” He grabs my face gently with both of his hands and runs his thumb over my cheek. This display of his might look like he’s comforting me, but in reality, he’s the one who gets comfort out of these little exchanges. “But I ain't going to let anything happen to you; we’re getting out of here we just need to…”

He gets cut off by a loud bang coming from the direction of the computer room. Adam quickly shoves the last few pill bottles into the bag before throwing it over his shoulder and grabbing my hand. He leads us out of the room, making sure to grab all of our bags before leaving. 

We both drop the bags outside of our room before running off in the direction the sound came from, what we saw when we got there left us both speechless, a large, thick door had dropped leaving the people inside trapped. 

“Fuck” Adam hisses as he watches the silhouette of someone of the other side swing away frantically at the door. 

He falls to the floor and puts his head in his hands, I left Adam to his break down and moved up to the door, as I got closer the figure on the other side stopped swinging. 

I do a little wave and watch as the figure on the other side waves back, and by the way, his shoulders were moving, he was also chuckling. _(From the size and the way he reacted to me I would guess that the person on the other side was T-Dog)_

“Do you see a button, a fuse box or anything?” I ask Adam as I start to search for anything that could open the door. 

“It’s locked from the other side; there’s nothing we can do from out here, it’s up to them” He mumbles, his face still buried in his hands.

“We have to do something” I sigh heavily. 

“We have to trust they’re smart enough to get that door open” He jumps to his feet. “We’re going to need to get out of here fast when that happens, so we need to get everyone’s belongings packed up and waiting for them to grab on their way out” 

I nod my head in agreement. “That’s a good idea” 

“You do the right-hand side; I’ll do the left and the kitchen” He runs off in the direction of the kitchen. 

I turned to look at the door briefly before I started running back to the hallway where the rooms were. I entered the first room on the right side, which happened to be a room I was very acquainted with, to my surprise the room was completely spotless, everything was back in its original place. 

Thankfully Daryl wasn’t one for getting too comfortable, so I didn’t have to do anything with his stuff other than moving it to the hallway. Unfortunately, Glenn and T-Dog didn’t have the same qualities as Daryl; their room looked like someone had set off a clothing bomb inside of it. 

“Great” I mumble to myself as I start to gather all of the guy's clothes back into their bags.

«----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

As I walk out into the hallway, I’m almost knocked to the ground by Adam; he doesn't even stop his running; he just grabs my hand and drags me behind him. We only stopped when we reached the lobby.

Once we make it to the main entrance, Daryl and T-Dog both start to bang on the doors, but they don’t budge. 

“Get them doors open!” Shane shouts as he starts to hit the window with an axe, after a while of nothing happening with the axe Shane loads his shotgun.

“Get down!” He shouts as he fires a round at the glass, but it doesn't even make a dent in the thick glass.

Upon seeing this, Carol reaches in her bag and runs up to Rick. “Rick, I have something that might help.”

“Carol, I don't think a nail file's gonna do it” Shane sasses as he walks over to the duo.

Carol ignores Shane’s asshole comment and continues to talk to Rick. “Your first morning at camp, when I washed your uniform I found this in your pocket” She pulls out a grenade, hands it to Rick then runs over to Sohpia.

Rick gives us all a nod, and I’m instantly tackled to the ground by three large men before I could even process what was going on. As I lay there on the ground with Adam, T-Dog and Daryl on top of me _(Which is every girl's fantasy)_ I feel a small hand grab mine, I look over to my right and see that Carol and Sophia had been brought into the dogpile, both being shield by the larger males like myself. 

Suddenly there’s an enormous bang which makes the whole ground shake violently, without wasting any time we all get to our feet and start running out of the shattered window. The men take point and begin to clear a path to the cars, once the walkers had been taken care off we all scatter to our respective vehicles.

As soon as we reached Darly’s truck, Adam pulled me to the ground and covered me with his body again, Daryl entered shortly after and also threw his body to the ground just in time. 

As the building explodes into a vast fireball, the cars start to shake from the sheer force of the explosion forcefully. It’s over in a matter of seconds, and once it felt safe, the three of us all looked up to see the destruction. The whole building was no longer standing; all that remained was a pile of rubble.

We all got into our seats and waited in silence for the RV to begin the drive to our next destination, wherever that might be.


	8. Traffic suck! Especially in the apocalypse.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra almost gets into a fight. Again. Then goes and hangs out with her two new besties in the middle of a traffic snarl.

We abandoned over half of our vehicles as we exited Atlanta, knowing we needed to conserve fuel if we hoped to make it to our new destination. Fort Benning. This lack of vehicles meant that most of our group were crammed into the RV and with this many bodies all squashed into such a small space, the ride was anything but comfortable. It was unbearably hot and an uneasy silence had taken over since we fled Atlanta, our final hope had just gone up in flames and nobody knew what to say, not even our resident optimist, Glenn, had any words of encouragement. 

I was sitting in one of the window seats with my legs pulled into my chest watching the scenery whizz by when I felt someone take a seat beside me, I turned slightly and saw T-Dog looking back at me with his signature shit-eating grin. 

“What?” I ask as I turn to fully face him. 

“You look tired, late night?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me in a playful manner. His question seemed to attract the attention of the others who were now all trying to subtly listen in on our conversation.

“Actually, I had an early night” I shrug, I may have told Adam about my night time activities with Daryl but I’m not about to tell almost all of our group about us without his permission. 

“Really? That’s surprising” Shane says from his seat at the RV’s dining table “Didn’t peg Daryl as someone who could only last one round”

“Who said it had anything to do with Daryl?” I question. 

He starts to laugh “Oh please, a girl like you could probably sleep with every male in this RV and still be up for more”

“Dude, come on. Not cool” T-Dog comes to my aid, defending my honour like my own personal knight in shining armour. 

Which I appreciate but I don’t need anyone to do that for me, I’m very comfortable with who I am and really don't care if people think I’m a whore or whatever else they think of me.

“It’s okay T, he has a point I could fuck all of you in here and still want more because I know at least one of you would leave me feeling very unsatisfied” I give Shane a pointed look, everyone turns to look at Shane in anticipation of how he was going to react to my words. 

He scoffs and narrows his eyes at me. “You wish I would fuck you”

_I would rather gouge my own eyes out with a plastic spoon then let your gross dick anywhere near me. Even I have standards._

However, instead of saying that, I went for more of an _‘I’m about to blow all of your shit up’_ answer. “Oh, I do, but unfortunately you’re only interested in fucking your best friends widow”

“What did you just say to me, you little bitch?” Shane spits angrily, he stands up slowly from his chair as everyone else around us tries hard to act like they didn’t hear what I just said. 

“Sorry was I not clear enough? I said you won’t sleep with me because I’m not Lori” I sass as I too slowly exit my seat.

“You better shut your mouth before I shut it for you” Shane threatens before trying to lunge for me.

Thankfully my bodyguard was quicker and swiftly grabbed Shane before he could even get close to me. 

“Okay that’s enough, Shane” Adam says as he continues to block me for a pissed off Shane. 

“Get out of my way” Shane growls.

“Just take a seat, man” T says, watching Shane closely and moving to the edge of his seat ready to intervene if things took a turn for the worst.

“Yeah Shane, take a seat” I stupidly sassed from my safe spot behind Adam. 

Which was obviously the wrong thing to say because all it did was piss off Shane more and made him use all of his strength to push Adam out of the way to get to me. He grabs me roughly by the arm before he’s brutally tackled to the floor by an extremely pissed off Adam. 

“You keep your hands off her or I will end you” Adam growls out through gritted teeth from his position on top of Shane. 

The only person who tried to get Adam off of Shane was Andrea, the other two stayed in their seats. Neither of them felt like trying to help the guy who just tried to attack the groups favourite mother to be. 

Unfortunately, before Shane could do something to warrant Adam beating the shit out of him _(Which we all know he’s overdue for)_ Dale brings the RV to a complete stop. 

“See a way though?” He asks someone outside his window before the RV starts up again. 

Adam gets off Shane and grabs my hand. We walk past Shane and Andrea as she helps him back to his feet. We walk up to the front where Dale and Glenn are, we all look over the blocked highway. 

“Any ideas?” Adam asks.

Glenn takes a moment to think before giving us his suggestion. “Uh, maybe we should just go back there's an interstate bypass...” 

Dale cut his off knowing we can’t afford to go back “We can't spare the fuel”

Glenn lets out a dejected sigh knowing Dale’s right, we barely have enough fuel to get us to Fort Benning as it is we can’t waste any turning back. Before Glenn could throw out more ideas the RV starts to make a horrible noise before sputtering to a stop.

Dale pushes past us and heads outside to check the engine, we all follow suit.

“I said it. Didn't I say it? A thousand times. Dead in the water” Dale says as he angrily checks over the RV’s engine. 

Rick approaches the RV. “Problem, Dale? 

“Just a small matter of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no hope of…” He gestures around him before turning back to Rick and sheepishly says. “Okay, that was dumb” 

“If you can't find a radiator hose here…” Shane says as he pushes me out of the way to get to the front of the group, next to Rick. 

“There's a whole bunch of stuff we can find” Daryl announces as he starts to search through the back of a truck close by. 

The others all gathered around the front of the RV to discuss our next move, knowing that I'm just going to be told what to do anyway I sneak off to go see what stuff Daryl has found.

“Anything good?” I ask as I peer over the side of the truck.

Without saying anything he throws a bag of salted chips at me and walks off over to another vehicle. I follow after him, leaning against the opposite car to the one he was searching, I open the bag of chips and eat a few as I watch him work away.

“You going to help me look or are you just going to watch?” Daryl shouts over his shoulder as he pulls out a black and white backpack and starts to search through it.

“I would but I'm enjoying the view” I loudly crunch on a chip and slowly rake my eyes over his body.

“If you're not going to be useful I’ll send ya back to the RV” He zips the backpack back up, and throws it over his shoulder before walking over to my car. 

“Please don’t” I give him my best puppy dog eyes. 

_I would rather eat rocks then go back to that hellhole anytime soon and if I have to listen to Shane and Andrea awkwardly flirt with each other for another minute I will jump out of the window._

“I’ll be helpful, I promise” To show him I could be helpful I opened the car door for him and stood back so he could search the car without me being in the way. _(I would have helped more but I had more important things to focus on like eating for the first time today)_

However, instead of searching the car he grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me closer to him, I looked at him confused until I followed his eye line and saw what he was looking at.

On the top of my right arm was a red handprint right where Shane had grabbed me, I didn’t think he grabbed me hard enough to leave a mark but I was wrong. _(Adam is going to have a field day with this when he finds out)_

“Who the hell did this?” Daryl asks, rubbing the mark with his thumb.

“Shane and I may have had a small argument in the RV” I shrug like it was no big deal because it wasn’t nothing happened, all I got was this handprint which would be gone in no time.

“What’s it with ya and getting into fights with guys twice ya size?” He lets go of my wrist and runs a hand over his face.

“It’s a talent of mine” I shrug again and offer him a chip.

“Clearly” He mumbles before taking a chip.

“What was the argument about?” Daryl asks as we both lean against the car, both of us completely forgetting we were supposed to be looking for useful stuff.

“You” I answer, handing him another chip. 

“Me?” I nod unable to verbally answer thanks to the food I had just loaded in my mouth. “What about me?”

“That’s not important” I boop his nose, he narrows his eyes at me, unimpressed with my action. “He won’t be saying it again unless he wants Rick finding out about his _‘adventures’_ with Lori”

“You mean them fucking in the woods?” He questions as he searches the back seat of the car.

“You knew?” I ask, shocked he knew. I thought everyone at camp was clueless on the subject, I only knew because Adam and I saw Shane sneaking into Lori’s tent a few times when we were on watch.

“Caught them a few times when I was out hunting” He opens a suitcase that was sitting on the back seat. 

“You saw them?” He nods his head. “Oh god! How do you still have eyes?” 

“I’ve seen worse shit then Shane’s pale ass” He exits the car after finding nothing useful in the suitcase.

I look down at my half-eaten pack of chips suddenly losing my appetite. “Thanks for that mental image, now I want to puke again”

We both laugh and I hold the chips out for him to take he hesitates for a moment _(Not wanting to take food away from a pregnant lady)_ but after I force it into his hands he pours the rest of the chips into his mouth and throws the empty packet over his shoulder onto the backseat of the car.

“Cassandra!” We both turn to see who was calling me, a few moments later Adam appears. He walks over to us with a smirk already on his face and I know instantly Daryl and I are in for it.

“I’ve been told to tell you two to stop flirting and get some work done” He places his arm around my shoulder and winks down at me. Daryl ignores Adam’s teasing, choosing instead to continue his search of the car by opening the glove compartment on the passenger side of the car.

“I wasn’t flirting” I rolled my eyes and shrugged his arm off of me, he laughed at me before turning slightly to lean on the opened passenger door.

“I gotta take your girlfriend to Lori, she wants her help keeping the kids in check” He leads in closer to Daryl and loudly whispers to him, making sure I could hear him. “I could blow her off if you two wanna get in a quickie before we leave” He looks around him before pulling out a box of condoms. “Found them in that BMW over there” He points to a car close to where T-Dog was syphoning gas.

I watch as Daryl’s face goes bright red, he keeps his eyes focused on the junk in the glove compartment instead of Adam’s smirking face. 

“Okay, that’s enough” I grab Adam by the wrist and start to walk away. Saving Daryl from any further embarrassment. 

I stopped just before we got to the car Carol and Lori were searching through. “Don’t embarrass him”

“Don’t worry I won’t ruin this for you” He grabs my face in his hands. “I know how much you like him” He puckers his lips and starts to make kissing noises at me.

“Stop” I pull his hands away from my face but he continues to make the noises at me, instead of playing into his childish behaviour I walk ahead and reach Carol and Lori, leaving him behind making out with the air like a weirdo. 

They both smile as I approach. 

“Adam looks like he’s having fun” Lori gestures over to Adam who’s still making kissy faces at me.

“He’s a child” I raise my middle finger at him. He laughs before doing the same and heading off to get back to work.

“Speaking of children” Lori starts as we all walk over to another car. “Could you work your magic and help keep our kids inline” 

“They’ve been a little rambunctious since we stopped” We all look over to the kids in question who were trying to hit each other with sticks. 

“Yeah I’ve got them, you should take all that to the RV” I nod my head over to the pile of clothing and other items the women had found.

“Thank you” Lori says as she and Carol start to gather their findings. 

I give them both a warm smile before making my way over to their kids. As I approach, Carl jumps in front of me with his stick pointing out at me like it's a sword.

“Who dares enter my kingdom?”

“Lady Cassandra, your grace” I bow dramatically. “I was sent here by the mother dragons to protect you and princess Sophia”

“Mother dragons?” He bites his lip to stop himself from laughing before clearing his throat and getting back into character. “If you’re here to protect us, you must show me your skills. Draw your weapon” 

Before I could get into a fake sword fight with Carl, Sophia’s soft voice reminded us both why that wouldn’t be a good idea. Even if it did some fun.

“You can’t fight Carl, she's pregnant you could hurt her” She says as she takes Carl’s _‘sword’_ out of his hands.

“But she needs to show us her skills” Carl pouts.

“How about instead of fighting we have a scavenger hunt? We could each search a car and whoever finds the best item gets to keep whatever the other two find” Both their faces light up with joy until Carl remembers his mother’s number one rule.

“We can’t” Carl huffs. “Mom said we’re not allowed to search the cars”

“I’ll check them first to make sure they’re safe for you then you can search them. Does that sound like a good idea?” They both turn to each other, whisper a few words before each grabbing one of my hands and dragging me over to a nearby car.

“This one’s mine” Carl declares once we get close.

I check through the windows, after not seeing anyone inside I open the driver’s door and let Carl go wild. I remind him to stay within my eye line before walking to the adjacent car and clearing it out for Sophia to begin her search.

Once both kids were set up I found a car for myself and started my search. I didn’t find much, a few empty water bottles, a stale energy bar, a bag of clothing that looked like something someone’s nana would wear and a half-empty first aid kit. Just as I was starting to lose hope that I would find anything even remotely cool _(No kid is going to think a few bandages and some granny undies are fun)_ I see something shining under the driver's seat. I climbed into the back of the car and reached in to grab it, as soon as I had the object in my grip someone grabbed me by my hips, causing me to jump back in surprise. I almost fell back but lucky whoever was holding me had a good grip and kept me steady.

I turn around in their hold and come face to face with an amused Daryl. “Jesus Daryl” I slap his chest. “Are you trying to get me a heart attack?” 

Daryl chuckles a little before letting go of me. “Didn’t mean to” He looks down at my still closed hand. “What’d ya got?”

I open my hand and show him what I found. It was a simple silver necklace with a silhouette of a single bird in a cage hanging from it.

“It’s pretty” He says looking over the object.

I run my thumb over the birdcage. “Yeah it is” 

He takes the necklace out of my hand. “Turn around” I followed his instructions and turned around from the corner of my eye, I could see Sophia and Carl watching us, I give them a wink as I feel Daryl move my hair out of the way and place the necklace around my neck. 

“Looks good on ya” He says as I turn back around to face him. 

“You think so?” I ask, fiddling with the necklace. 

“Yeah but I’ve got something that’ll look better” He places the bag he had on his shoulder onto the ground and kneels. After a few seconds of searching, he pulls out a knife leg holster. 

He grabs me by my left leg and pulls me closer. “You’re a lefty, right?” I nod my head still confused on what exactly he’s doing, he nods his head back at me then fastens the holster to my left leg. He stood back up once he was happy with the position. 

“It’s not to tight?” He asks as he tries to put his fingers between the holster and my leg.

I shake my head. “Good” He nods his head at me before reaching behind him and pulling out a small bowie knife. 

“Is that mine?” I ask pointing to the knife he was holding in his hand.

He nods before carefully handing the knife over to me. “You used one of these before?” 

“No, but I assume you just stick people with the pointy end” I say as I look over the knife in my hand. It was simple in its design, it looks almost military with its plain black handle and serrated edge. 

“It’s a little more complicated than that but until I train ya to use it just go ahead and do that” He takes the knife back and places it in the holster.

“Yes sir” I salute him. He looks at my unimpressed before eventually cracking and chuckling at me.

I look down at the knife hesitantly before looking back at Daryl. “Does Adam know you’re giving this to me?” 

If Adam didn't know, Daryl was about to see Adam in full protector mode. He had got it in his head that I shouldn’t be allowed anything sharp or pointy. He never said why but I got the impression that he thought I was going to do something to myself or maybe try and cut the parasite out. _(Which would be completely ridiculous and ultimately suicidal)_

“It’s stupid to not give ya anything to protect yourself with” He shrugs and places his bag back on his shoulder. “If he wants to keep ya save he shouldn’t have a problem with it”

I jumped at him and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss, I didn’t even take a second to think about how uncomfortable my public act of affection would make him. Not until I felt him go completely stiff in my arms. I quickly release him and take a step back giving him a generous amount of space. The look of panic on his face made me want to punch myself for being so stupid. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking” I nervously looked around and tried to see if anyone was looking at us. The guilt of making him so comfortable crawling away at my insides making me feel sick. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable…” I take a deep breath and look down at the ground.

“I just got excited, someone trusted me” I whispered, unsure if he even heard me.

Without looking at me Daryl turns around muttering about how he was going to help T-Dog. I go to try and stop him but in the end, I don’t, knowing it would probably make things worse. Daryl needs time to put up his walls and hideaway for a little while. 

I sigh before grabbing the bag of crap I found in the car and get ready to put on a brave face for the kids, however before I could even move a little someone grabs my face in their hands and roughly pushes their lips to mine. I freeze unsure of what's happening, Daryl Dixon _‘Mr I would rather die than show I have feelings’_ is kissing me in clear view of everyone in camp. Once I recover from my initial shock, I drop the bag in my hand on the ground and pull him closer to me by his shirt and start to kiss him back with everything I’ve got. _(If we’re doing this in front of everyone might as well give them a show and something to talk about later)_

After what felt like hours he pulls away and rests his forehead against mine. “I trust ya” He whispers, before placing a chaste kiss on my lips.

I can't help but smile like a complete idiot and pull him back down for another kiss, unfortunately before our lips could touch someone clears their throat from behind us. We both turn to see Lori, Carol and the kids looking at us with barley hidden smiles on their faces. I go to step away from Daryl but he moves his hand down to my hip and keeps me in place next to him. 

“Sorry to interrupt” Lori says, clearing her throat again to try and hide her laughter. “But Cassadandra’s supposed to be watching the kids and Daryl aren’t you supposed to be helping T?” 

“I was watching them” I say, even though everyone knew that was a complete lie.

“Sure looked like it” Carol sniggers before biting her lip to stop herself from falling into a fit of giggles. 

Daryl clears his throat awkwardly, I feel his grip on my hip tighten slightly before he starts to address our _‘guests’_ “I’m gonna…” He points to somewhere behind us. I stare up at him and notice how red he’s got, he looks like he was going to explode from awakeness. 

“I’ll see you later” I grab his hand from my hip and give his knuckles a small kiss before pushing him away from us.

He gives us all a nod goodbye before rushing off to probably hide from everybody. I, however, was not lucky enough to escape and was quickly bombarded with questions from the woman and kids. 

When did that start? Do you like him? Are you going to get married? Why didn’t you say anything? I knew something was going on with you two! Is he your boyfriend? Do you love him? 

Before I could be even more overwhelmed I held my hands up in surrender. “I can't answer any of your questions if you are all shouting at me at the same time”

They all stand there quietly thinking to themselves before Carol decides to take the lead and ask the question I knew everyone would be dying to know the answer too. “Was this something that started at the CDC? Or was it happening before that?”

“I think we both knew we liked each other before we got to the CDC but that's where we finally grow a pair and decided to jump each other” 

“What does that mean?” Carl innocently asks, looking around the adults with curious eyes. 

Carol and Lori’s eyes widen in panic and turn to me, silently asking what to do. I can't help but laugh at their reaction, the kids going to learn about this someday why not just tell him now. I opened my mouth to answer Carl’s question but before I could utter a word Lori spoke up first.

“Don’t even think about it” Lori points a finger at me and has me quickly shutting my mouth with her scolding glare. 

Knowing not to mess with an angry mother bear I look at Carl apologetically. “Sorry bud”

Carl goes to argue probably about how he’s not a child and should be allowed to know but I stop him before he could get into an argument with his mother. “What did you guys find on our little scavenge hunt?”

Sofia was the first to step up and hand me the small ceramic frog she found in her car. “He’s missing one of his eyes but I think it makes him look cooler” She says, shyly as she looks down at the frog in my hand.

I give her the biggest smile. “Oh, I agree he looks like a total badass! How do you think he lost it?” The children both gather around me as we all inspect Sophia’s object and try to come up with a good backstory for our new friend.

Lori and Carol stand off to the side and watch in awe at how easy it was for me to distract their kids. They both make a mental note to ask me for pointers later.

After a few moments of deep thought, Carl excitedly shouts his suggestion. “He got into a fight with a crocodile!”

“To save his family” Sophia adds.

“What a fitting story for our little hero” I say.

“Can we call him Hopkins?” Sophia asks, sheepishly. 

“You can call her whatever you want sweetie he’s all yours” I say handing Hopkins back to her, she smiled at me before flinging herself into my arms. I give her a good squeeze before she lets go and goes to stand next to her mother who mouths a _‘thank you’_ after seeing the genuine smile on her daughter's face. 

“What about you Carl, what did you find?” Lori asks her son as she tucks some of his hair behind his ear. 

Carl looks up at her with a massive smile of his face before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a colourful harmonica. A look of horror flashes over Lori’s face, which makes me bust out laughing. 

“That’s a cool find bud” I tell him in between my laughter.

“Can I keep it too, Cassandra?” He asks me and with his adorable puppy dog eyes how could I say no.

I chose to ignore the pleading look Lori was sending my way, I couldn’t let Sophia keep her object and not let Carl keep his that would just be cruel. “I don’t see why not, just make sure you don’t make too much noise with it okay?” 

“You’re the best!” He shouts before running full force at me and wrapping his arms around me. I almost fall backwards, thankfully catching myself in time before Carl and I ended up on the hard ground.

“Carl be careful with her!” Lori gently scolds. “You don’t want to hurt her or the baby do you?”

Carl drops his arms from me and looks down at the ground sheepishly, shaking his head. “I’m sorry Cassandra” He looks at me before looking down at my belly. “Sorry baby”

I laugh lightly, trying to hide how uncomfortable Carl talking to the parasite made me. 

“It’s okay sweetheart, I’m good” I grab his cheek and give it a gentle pinch. I pull him into me and hug him.

“Can we go look for more stuff?” Carl asks his mother once I release him. 

Lori and Carol turn to each other and have a silent conversation with their eyes before Lori answers Carl’s question. “As long as you stay with Cassandra and within shouting distance, I don’t see why not”

“Thanks, mom you’re the best!” He gives her a quick hug before grabbing my hand and dragging me off somewhere. “Come on!” 

We stop at a car a little ways away from the mothers and wait for Sophia to catch up with us. Once she was with us Carl takes charge and starts directing us. “There are only two cars here so I’ll search this one and you two can both search that one” He points to the other car.

“Okay, Mr Bossypants” I ruffle his hair. “Come on Sophia let’s go find something that’ll blow his socks off”

I grab her hand and lead her over to the car. I go to open it but stop when I hear Rick shout at us to get under the cars. I quickly push Sophia under the car and turn to see if Carl needs help but thankfully he’s got himself under the car already. I lower myself to the ground and get under the car as soon as Sophia sees me she buries her face into my chest, I pull her closer to me and wrap her in my arms as she quietly whimpers.

I close my eyes tight when I start to hear the overwhelming groans of the dead. Even with my eyes closed, I could tell there were hundreds of them stumbling their way down the highway. When I open my eyes again I see Sophia’s terrified face staring back at me. Her quiet whimpers had started to turn into full-on sobs which were starting to gather some unwanted attention. I try my hardest to get her to be quiet without making any noise myself but nothing I did seemed to work. _(She needs her mother, not her cool aunt)_

I watch helplessly as Sophia starts to have a panic attack. Her frantic breathing grabbed the attention of one of the walkers before I could react it was grabbing Sohpia by the leg and trying to pull her out from under the car. Her panicked screams were starting to bring more walkers down on us. I grabbed her by her arms and pulled her away from the walker, thanking God that the walker's grip on her leg was shit. 

I pulled us both from under the car and pushed Sophia towards the embankment once we were both up on our feet. “Go!” I screamed at her as we both ran into the forest trying to get away from the dead following after us.

We ran as fast as we could until Sophia fell to the ground and started to hyperventilate. 

“Oh God, oh God, oh God” She repeats like a mantra, as she struggles to breathe. 

“Shit” I curse as I watch her. I fall to my knees next to her. “Sophia baby, I need you to listen to me, I need you to breathe, can you do that?” She shakes her head at me, I take a deep breath trying to calm myself down before I lose my temper, she was just a scared little girl me shouting at her wouldn’t help anyone. “I know you’re scared I am too but I can’t get you back to your mom if you don't calm down”

At the mention of her mom, Sophia's breathing calms slightly. “I want to go back to my mom” She tells me, her eyes filled with tears. 

A groan from behind us signals that the walker’s had caught up with us and we didn’t have much time, I dragged my hands through my hair trying to stop the hysteria I was feeling from bubbling to the surface. I had a little girl who was counting on me. I couldn’t break down not until she was safely back in her mother's arms.

“I’ll get you there I promise but I’m going to need your help with that” I take Sophia’s face in my hands and gently wipe her tears away with my thumbs. “Have you ever climbed a tree before?

She looked at me confused until my plan clicked together for her. “No! You can't leave me!” She shouts grabbing into my hand for dear life.

“Sophia, I can't kill all of those walkers” I tighten the grip on the hand she was holding and pull us to our feet. “I need you to be brave, can you do that?” I ask as I help her start to climb the tree.

“Someone’s going to come looking for us. I need you to tell them what direction I went in okay?” She nods as she hastily climbs up to the tree. “Do not leave this tree till then” 

She manages to get quite far up before the walkers reach us, when she looks over to me I give her a shaky smile and shout up to her. “Tell Adam I love him!” 

“Tell him yourself!” She shouts at me as I run deeper into the woods with the walkers hot on my tail. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

I stop when I desperately need to catch my breath, I’d been running full speed _(Full speed for someone who has short legs and the added weight of a baby slowing them down)_ since leaving Sophia behind. I knew by now that someone must have found her from what I could tell I hadn't left her too far from the highway, she should be easy enough to find. 

I on the other hand might be a little more difficult to find. I knew I was nowhere near the highway, I’d had to run in multiple different directions, trying to stay out of the path of a few mini horde. Which meant I was now completely lost and had no idea how to get back. I took a second to look around trying desperately to make sense of where I was but before my brain could come up with some half-cocked plan a lone walker appears from behind a tree and starts to head in my direction. 

The mini horde I had just ran from was still behind me so I knew I couldn’t turn back and run in that direction. I had to go forward, which meant I had to take down this walker. 

“It’s just the one” I say to myself as I pull my new knife from its holder. I take a few deep breaths trying desperately to keep myself calm, knowing I can’t panic right now. No one’s coming to save me. I have to save myself. 

I raise the knife just as the walker lunges at me, it’s a bit of a struggle _(Mainly because the dude was at least 6’2 if not taller and I was not)_ but after a few distressing moments my knife finds it’s placement in the walker’s skull and it falls to the ground dead, ripping the knife from my grip as it does.

I place my hands on my knees and start to cackle like a madwoman. Thankfully, before I could completely lose my mind a small group of walkers popped out from the trees behind me. I quickly pulled my knife free from the dead walker’s head and started running again, trying to ignore the sinking feeling that I was getting more and more lost with every step I took.

**_«------------------------------------------------_ ** **_Back with the group_ ** **_\--------------------------------------------------»_ **

Adam rushes over to the embankment where Sophia, Cassadrea and Rick disappeared down. He went to jump down and follow after Rick but someone grabbed his arm, stopping him from completing his task. 

“Rick’s got this, you’d just get in the way” Adam angrily pulls his arm out of Shane’s grip. 

“Get your hands off me!” Adam pushes Shane away from him and looks like he's ready to start throwing punches but before he could Lori steps in between the two men knowing that neither of them would start anything if it meant she might get hurt in the crossfire.

“Someone do something!” Carol screams in pure agony, already fearing the worst for her daughter and the young lady who she's come to care for in the last few months. 

“Everybody calm down!” Shane shouts trying to get everyone back in line, everyone’s worried and scared faces turn to him. 

“We gotta trust Rick, he’ll bring ‘em both back” He places a comforting hand on Carol’s back as she starts to cry into Lori’s shoulder. 

Adam goes to argue with Shane but stops once he sees Daryl and T-Dog approaching, he knows that once they both hear about Cassandra being missing they’ll be on his side and want to go help find her and Sophia.

“What the hell’s going on?” Daryl asks as he leads the heavily bleeding T-Dog over to the arguing group. 

“Cassandra and Sophia got chased into the woods by a shit ton of walkers, Rick’s gone after them” Glenn states, his nervous eyes flicking back and forth from Daryl and the treeline.

“I’m going after them” Daryl announces as he hands T over to Dale, Dale looks at him concerned and Daryl can tell straight away what he’s thinking. “It ain’t a bite, cut himself pretty bad though” Dale nods at Daryl before leading T over to rest and get patched up in the RV.

“You coming?” Daryl asks Adam as he loads his crossbow. 

Shane sighs. “Daryl we…” He starts to try and stop Daryl from leaving but cuts himself off when he sees Rick walk out of the treeline without either of the missing girls. “Shit” He whispers, running a hand over his face. This was bad.

“Where is she?!” Carol asks, panicking.

“She’s not back?” Rick asked confused. 

“Rick, what happened?” Lori questions as she hands a crying Carol over to Andrea.

“I found Sophia hiding up a tree, she said Cassandra told her not to come down till one of us found her…” Rick starts but gets interrupted by a panicked Adam.

“Cassandra wasn’t with her?” Adam inquiries trying hard not to freak out over Cassandra being alone in the woods.

Rick shakes his head and gives Adam a sympathetic look. “Sophia said she ran further into the woods with a group of walkers on her back” 

“Why would she do that?!” Glenn shouts horrified that Cassandra would run off further into the woods, getting herself more lost.

“She needed to lead them away from Sophia” Daryl signs. “Stupid girl probably didn’t think she had any other options” 

“Rick we need to find them, it's going to be dark soon” Lori says, trying to hide the worry in her voice, not wanting to upset anyone any more than they already were.

Rick gently squeezes her hand before jumping back into leader mode. “Daryl you’re with me everyone else stays here, get the RV fixed and ready to move I want to move as soon as the girls are back” 

“I’m coming with you” Adam pushes himself to the front of the group, his face telling them he’s not going to take no for an answer. 

Unfortunately for him, Daryl was having none of it.

“No you’re not, you’re staying here and keeping everyone safe” Adam goes to argue but stops when he sees the look in Daryl's eyes. “I won’t leave her out there”

Just from the look on Daryl's face, Adam could tell he meant it. He cared for Cassandra and wasn't about to leave her scared and alone in the woods. This was enough to get Adam to back down and agree to stay behind and protect the others. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

An hour had passed and the sun was moments away from setting. None of the missing group members had returned yet and tensions on the highway were rising with every passing minute. They had cleared a path for the RV and even collected a few supplies but this did nothing to raise the sprites in the group. The only one who didn’t look like they were on the edge of an emotional breakdown was Shane, he was on cloud nine, the woman who he detested was lost in the woods, probably dead and Rick was getting the blame for Sophia still being missing. If he played his cards right this could be the opening Shane was looking for. He could turn everyone against Rick, regain power and get Lori back. 

Shane tried hard to hide his ecstatic smile once he saw Daryl and Rick walk back to the highway empty-handed and covered in what looked to be blood. Everyone rushed over to the pair bombarding them with questions on the whereabouts of their missing group members. 

“We tracked Sophia for a while but her trail went cold” Rick states as he jumped the barrier.

“Is that blood?” Carol asks nervously, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer. 

Rick and Daryl share a worried look, unsure if they should be truthful but decide that lying to Carol wouldn’t help anyone. “We took down a walker” 

Carol starts to hyperventilate. “Walker? Oh my God” 

Rick gently grabs her arm trying to give her a little comfort. “There was no sign it was ever anywhere near Sophia”

“How can you know that?” Andrea asks for her spot behind Carol.

“We cut the son of a bitch open, made sure” Daryl tells the worried mother, his voice full of compassion. 

Carol falls to the ground and starts to cry into her hands, Lori is quick to sit down beside her and pull her into her arms. 

“What about Cassandra?” Adam apprehensively asks as he walks towards Rick and Daryl. 

The group falls into a tense silence, even Carol’s cries stop. Rick and Daryl share another look. If they thought telling everyone about Sophia was hard telling them about Cassandra was going to be worse at least they had a lead on where Sophia could be heading, as far as they could tell Cassandra was lost in the wind.

“What about Cassandra?” Adam pressed again after getting no response from either man. 

“I couldn’t find her trail” Daryl admits lowering his head slightly in shame. 

“What kind of hunter are you?” Adam questions bitterly.

Daryl takes a deep breath, he’s been asking himself the same question since Rick and he decided to head back. “The walkers covered her tracks there was no way of knowing where she went” 

“Did you check?” Adam starts to pace.

Daryl looks at Rick for help, he didn’t want to tell Adam that they had to make a decision. Walk around in the vague direction they thought Cassandra went and hope they find a sign or follow Sophia’s clear trail. As much as Daryl hated to admit it, following Sophia’s tracks was their only option. 

Getting no response yet again Adam’s anger began to rise, his best friend was lost in the woods and no one seemed to give a shit. “Did you check?!” He shouts getting in Daryl’s face.

Rick quickly gets in between the two men. “Cassandra’s a smart girl. You have to trust her instincts. She’ll get herself out of this”

Adam falls to the ground next to Carol, letting his tears silently roll down his cheeks. “No she won’t” Adam mutters to himself as he places his head in his hands.

He takes a few moments to calm himself before looking up at the worried faces of the group. “She doesn’t like the woods she won’t be thinking straight”

Shane scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m sure her survival trump's her childish fear of the woods” 

“It’s more than just fear if you went through what she had you wouldn’t want to set feet in the woods either” Adam shouts, regretting it as soon as the words leave his mouth. 

“What happened to her?” Glenn hesitantly asks.

Adam looks around the group, each member staring at him with powerful intensity. He knew Cassandra was going to hate him for telling them but they needed to know, they shouldn’t have faith in her not right now. If they didn’t find her soon she was as good as dead. If she wasn’t already.

“She watched her brother die…” He lets out a shaky breath and roughly wipes the tears from his face, preparing himself to tell the group the story of how he almost lost his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for splitting up the love birds but I had to do it! Hopefully, the cute moment between them in this chapter makes up for it. I have a lot of ideas on where I want season 2 to go but haven't finished planning it all out yet. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! xx


	9. If I Die Young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out what happened to Cassandra and her youngest brother and get a peak at Cassandra's family. The group start the search for the missing girls. And Andrea manages to annoy almost everyone in the group.

**_Sunday, February 28 2010. Highway. 1:25 AM_ **

I drove down the highway, it was late which meant I had the whole road to myself. Driving late at night was how I would usually clear my head after a long day if I wasn’t planning on going out to get drunk or high instead. Those nights would consist of me driving around aimlessly, humming along to whatever crap song the radio was playing, going to a 24h drive-through getting a _‘heartache’_ in a bun, devouring it in seconds then going home to cry myself to sleep. 

Doesn’t my life sound great? No? Well thankfully for both of us that’s not what’s happening tonight. Tonight was supposed to be a casual evening at home but at around 11 I got a phone call from the police saying my brother had got into an _‘incident’_ and I had to come and pick him up. 

Said brother was now sitting in my passenger seat looking like a child who just got his sucker stolen. He hadn’t said anything to me when I picked him up and when I asked what happened all I got was a grumbled _‘doesn’t matter’_ in response. Instead of trying to get him to talk to me, I left him to stew in his guilt and frustration. If there's one thing you need to know about my baby brother is he can’t push his emotions deep down inside _(Unlike me the all of the other ‘well-adjusted’ people)_ if you let him sit with his thoughts long enough he’ll get so worked up he ends up spilling his guts to you anyway. 

And right on cue...

“I should have never let Duke talk me into going to the stupid party” He starts to nervously play with the hem of the shirt he was wearing. It wasn’t his shirt, this shirt was at least two sizes too big for him. One of the police officers had given it to him to wear after this mysterious incident that happened to him.

“I just wanted to be a rebellious teenager for one night and look where it got me” The look he gives me when he turns to face me could only be described as the face a puppy would make if it was kicked. 

I pull up to a red light and take the time to look him over. His face was a little beaten up, he had a fat lip and his cheek was slightly swollen. I could tell he was going to have one hell of a bruise in the morning. His brown hair which was usually curly and unruly was laying flat against his face and looked like it was still slightly damp.

“You finally going to tell me what happened?” I ask as we wait for the light to change.

“I got into a fight with Billy Dawson” He starts to nervously pick at the skin around his nails.

Billy Dawson AKA Bully Dawson was a massive asshole who thought he could do what he liked because his mother was some fancy lawyer and was on the school board. He once started a fire in someone's front yard that almost burnt down their whole house and got off with a warning because apparently _'boys will be boys'_ I'm pretty sure that saying is supposed to be used when your 5-year-old son rolls around in the dirt and tries to eat bugs not when they commit arson. But I don’t have a son, so what would I know.

“What was the fight about?” I question, pulling away once the light turned green.

“He made a rude comment about Holly” 

“The cute redhead from biology?” He turns to look out of the window to hide the blush that was starting to creep up his face. He had mentioned to me a few weeks ago that he had a small crush on one of his classmates. I hadn’t met her but from the pictures I've seen and the stories he tells me about her, she seems like a good kid. “What did the douchebag say?”

“He said that her dad probably left her and her mum to go top himself because she was so unbearable. Her dad randomly walked out on them a few weeks ago and no one has heard from him since”

“Jesus, what a prick” I mumble.

“I saw that his comment got to her, she had tears in her eyes. And before I knew it I was punching him right in the face, I don’t know what happened I guess I just kind of lost it” He shrugs seemingly unaware of what he had just admitted to me.

Joshua wasn't the type of person who just gets into fights, he prefers to use his words or if that didn't work, he would just walk away. But apparently, if you insult the girl he likes he will punch you into next week.

“You saw the girl you love upset and just acted”

“I don’t love her!”

“You sure about that, Joshy?” I wiggle my eyebrows playfully at him. The blush on his face intensifies before he sinks into his chair, trying to hide from me and my teasing.

After a few moments of complete silence, I hear Josh let out a long sigh before asking me a question. “How do you know if you love someone?”

“Asking the wrong person buddy. Never really been in love” I shrug. I’ve never been with someone long enough for those feelings to develop. 

“Okay…” He sighs and looks slightly deflated by my answer, he was hoping I would have all the answers he was looking for. “But you’ve had relationships before right? Gone on dates?”

“Yes…?”

“So you know what a good date would be?” He looks at me with pleading eyes, begging for my help. 

Honestly, I have no idea what makes a _‘good date’_ the only _‘dates’_ I’ve been on lasted as long as it took the guy to get off. But as I look at his adorable face, the puppy dog eyes on full power how could I not try to help him. 

Time to wing this shit and hope he can’t tell I’m talking complete bullshit. “What’s her favourite movie?” 

He looks mildly puzzled for a moment before answering the question. “Nightmare before Christmas”

“Great choice” I nod my approval, that would probably be up there on my list too. “Favorite food?”

“Where are you going with this?” He asks. I give him a _‘just answer the question’_ look and he sighs before answering. “Blueberries”

“If she could one save one thing from a house fire what would it be?”

“The blanket her granny made her” 

“Cute, what’s her candy of choice?”

“She likes watermelon Airheads but would settle for grape”

“Okay so here’s what you do, you invite her around, preferably when mom’s not around” Both of us share a knowing look. We both know that if our mom got involved she would ruin it somehow, ruining her children’s lives seems to be her superpower. 

“You put Nightmare before Christmas on the tv, snuggle up on the couch with her granny’s blanket and pig out on watermelon Airhead and Blueberries. It’ll show her you listen to her because you know all this useless crap about her. Which is super sweet” He listens intently. I’m pretty sure if he had a notebook right now he would be furiously scribbling notes. 

“Trust me ladies love it when you listen to us when we talk” I pat his knee. 

“Has a guy ever done that for you?” He Innocently asks. I have to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing in his face. Men don’t usually listen to anything I have to say, they act as if they care about what you’re talking about but it’s all just lies to get into your pants.

Instead of telling my 17-year-old brother that the only thing the men who hang with his sister care about is if she’s on birth control. I take a gentler approach and try to show him that even he doesn’t listen to me. “Let me ask you a question. What’s my favourite candy?”

He looks deep into my eyes, I can see he’s trying hard to figure out where I was going with this. “Strawberry Red Vines”

I flick his arm.“Wrong! It’s Chocolate M&M’s”

“But you always get Red Vines when we go to the cinema…” He trails off. He looks like I had just rocked his whole world.

“See you just amused that was my favourite candy, you didn't ask me because you didn’t care. That’s how most of the guys I date treat me” 

He shakes his head in disbelief. “What a bunch of jerks, you need to date better men” 

I hum in agreement. “Unfortunately, I’m not the type of girl guys wanna take home to momma so I have to settle for the _‘love them and leave them’_ type”

“Looks like you’re going to die alone then, huh?” He jokes with a massive smirk on his face trying to lighten the mood again.

I look over at him in fake anger. “How dare you I won’t die alone! I’ll have my eleven cats to keep me company”

He busts out laughing. “You’re allergic to cats”

“Don’t ruin my fantasy!” I backhand his chest. 

“You are so weird” He says in between laughter. 

I go to argue that I’m not a weirdo _(Even though I am)_ but before I could even open my mouth something hits the back of the car with such force it sends the car spinning uncontrollably. I tried to gain back control over the vehicle but nothing I did was working and before I knew it we were flying over the barrier and rolling down the embankment. The car filled with panicked screams as the car started to flip. We were thrown around like ragdolls until we hit something hard and everything went black.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

In the darkness, I could hear a muffled voice on my left side. After having experienced more than my fair share of concussions I knew the voice was only muffled because I had probably hit my head during the crash. I took a moment to focus. It didn't take long for my ears to centre onto the mystery voice, it still sounded like he was kind of underwater but I could now clearly make out the words he was saying.

“Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.” The voice sounded panicked. I could also hear the sound of leaves crunching under his feet. He was pacing. 

“You need to calm down!” Another voice shouts from the right side of the car. I can hear this other voice walking towards the other. 

There’s a long pulse before the second man asks the first guy a question. “Are you high?!” He sounds angry.

“Wh… what n..no I’m not” The first guy stutters out.

“You’re pupils are the size of dimes Marcus, don’t lie to me. What are you on?”

“A little of everything” He timidly admits before starting to cry like a baby.

The second guy lets out a long frustrated groan before trying to take back control of the situation. “I checked the bodies, the girl's breathing but the kid’s barely got a pulse” 

“What do we do?” The crying guy asks. 

But before the one in charge could answer I managed to open my eyes. I needed to see their faces, even with my mind being foggy I knew I would be able to remember their faces. I don’t forget faces.

“Help us” I sputter out, the blood in my mouth making it hard to talk.

“Shit” The partner in crime says before rushing over to me. He leans through the broken window and grabs my face in his hands. “Hey there” He smiles down at me with a sweet smile that was obviously fake.

As he smiles at me I take the time to study his face whilst I still have my eyes open. It was already becoming a struggle to keep them open. I could tell he was tall by how low he was having to bend to reach the window, definitely over 6 foot. He had green eyes, short-cropped blond hair and a facial structure most guys would die for. I would be lying if I said he wasn’t attractive and if circumstances were different I would have probably tried to sleep with him.

“You’re okay. You were in a car accident, do you know where you are?” He asks in a comforting manner like he’s done this type of thing before. 

I go to tell him where we are but stop once I realize I don't remember where we are. I should know that. I know, I know where we are but my brain just can’t pull out that piece of information. This is bad, really bad.

He gently runs one of his thumbs over my cheek, wiping away the tears I didn't even know were falling down my face. “It’s okay sweetheart, I’ve got you”

His grip on my face tightened and before I could react he smacked my head against the car door, knocking me out for the second time tonight and potentially making my concussion 100 times worse.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

Waking up the second time around was so much harder. I had a painful ringing in my ears and an agonizing pulsing in my head. I let out a pitiful cry as I lifted my head and tried to keep it on the headrest. It felt like my brain was turning to a burning hot liquid inside my skull every time I moved it. 

I go to open my eyes to see if those fuckers were still here but stop as searing pain courses throughout my entire body. I quickly gauge that my body didn't want me to hurt myself anymore so it was sending me pain signals to stop me from opening my eyes, which is a bad sign. I probably have an extremely severe head injury. 

I can feel my brain screaming at me to fall back into unconsciousness but I needed to check on Joshua, that dickhead said his pulse was weak. I need to get him help. 

With both my hearing and sight out of the picture I cautiously try to move my right head. It takes a few minutes, the simple action tiring me out more than it should have. I could already feel the tears brimming in my eyes, as I clumsily fumbled around in the dark in search of my brother’s hand. As I take his hand in mine I let the tears fall.

It was cold.

A broken cry gets caught in my throat as I place my fingers on his wrist, hoping to find a pulse. I felt nothing. He was already gone. There was nothing I could do. I failed him. 

This time I didn’t stop my cries and let everything out. Screaming at the world as I held my dead brother’s hand in mine. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

Hours had passed of nothing but darkness for me. The only sounds being crickets and other creatures that make the woods their home. I had yet to release Joshua’s hand, I didn't want him to feel alone. I could feel my body starting to get cold and I knew it was only a matter of time before I joined Joshua.

I didn’t want to die but what did I have to live for? My life wasn’t anything special, everyone hated me even my own family. The only one who would have cried for me was laying dead next to me. Sure Adam would be sad for a while but he would get over it. His life could be so much better without me holding him back and dragging him down with me.

As I let unconsciousness find me my head is filled with images of Adam with his husband watching their kids run around the backyard without a care in the world.

«-----------------------------------------------------ADAM-------------------------------------------------------------»

_**Hospital 7:12 am** _

Adam hastily ran down the hallway, somehow managing to avoid running into anyone. His head was a complete mess, Cassand and her brother had just been brought in after being found in a ditch at the side of the road and no one would tell him if either of them were alive over the phone. When he received the call early this morning he was in his car before the nurse could even say what hospital they were at. 

He didn’t stop running until he reached the room the receptionist had told him to go to. He opens the door to the family waiting room and almost collapses at the sight. Cassandra’s family were the only ones in the room, all huddled together as tears fell from their eyes. 

Adam closed the door and cautiously made his way over to the grieving family. But before he could get too close to the family Cassandra’s mother, Joanna jumps out of the hold her husband had on her and starts to angry walk towards him.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here?!” She bitterly shouts, getting in his face. 

“I’m Cassandra’s emergency contact” Adam states as he looks over her heartbroken face. The face that’s almost identical to Cassandra’s and her sister. People would make jokes that Joanna didn't get pregnant; she just cloned herself and that’s why both her daughters look like carbon copies of her and have barely any traces of their father in their appearances. 

Dominic, Joanna’s husband ran a hand through his greying brown hair before slowly walking over to his wife, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Joanna, honey take a seat”

“Do you know what she did?” She asks, jaw tense in anger.

“Mom please” Cassandra’s older sister Hazel begs, looking like she was about to collapse at any moment.

“Do you?!” Joanna shouts ignoring her daughter's pleas.

“Josh is dead” The whole room freezes as Michael continues, voice void of emotion. “His rib punctured his lung and he choked on his blood. They think he died pretty soon after the crash. He was probably unconscious when it happened.”

As Michel finishes, Joanna falls to the ground in tears. Dominic kneels on the floor and gathers her in his arms, whispering comforting words in her ear as she wails into his chest.

Adam takes the empty seat next to Michael and pulls the young man into a side hug. With only 17 months between the brothers, they had always been close and Adam could only imagine how hard this must be for him.

After Joanna had calmed down, Dominic suggested they both go outside for some fresh air and instructed Hazel to come and find them if the doctor came back before they did.

“Cassandra’s in surgery” Michael mumbles once his parents leave.

Adam’s worried face turns to Michael but he stays silent, hoping that Michael would carry on and tell him what’s going on with Cassandra, now that his mother wasn’t in the room.

“She suffered a compound skull fracture. I heard one of the nurse’s say you could see a part of her skull sticking out of her forehead, so it sounds pretty bad” He grimaces as he thinks about how gross that would be to see.

“They took her straight into surgery when they got her here” Hazel adds, picking at her chipped blue nail polish. 

Adam lets out the breath he was holding and collapses further into the uncomfortable chair. He knew nothing he could say would help the grieving sibling so instead of spouting useless words of sympathy he pulls Michael in closer to him and grabs Hazel’s hand.

Hazel looked at him shocked, the two were never close. Adam knew how Hazel treated Cass, she was similar to her mother in more than just looks. She could be just as cruel. 

But at this moment Adam put all that to one side and decided to give her the comfort she was in clear need of. As soon as Adam started to rub soothing circles on her hand with his thumb she let the floodgates open and allowed the tears to fall. Upon seeing this he brings her into his other side and sits there in silence as the sibling’s grief in their own ways. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

It had been 6 hours since Adam had arrived at the hospital, Cassandra’s surgery went well and the doctors were optimistic she would make a full recovery with no lasting effects. She still hadn’t woken up yet but the doctor assured Adam that was normal for people who experienced head trauma. He just had to be patient with her and give her body time to heal. 

So here he sat, holding her hand and watching over her like a guardian angel. He didn’t want her to be alone again. One of the Paramedic’s who brought her in told him how they found her clinging to Joshua’s wrist, muttering about how no one was going to find them. And he knew that meant she must have been awake, trapped in the car with her brother's dead body for hours before they were found.

Just the thought of Cassandra cold, scared and alone in the woods, thinking she wasn’t going to be found and would end up like Joshua was enough to finally break Adam. He cried until his body ran out of tears to cry and he got angry with himself for crying. He wasn’t the one who had to watch their baby brother die, then go through brain surgery. What right did he have to cry?

After calming himself down he kissed Cassandra’s palm and left the room in search of something to eat, he had skipped breakfast this morning and now his body was starting to punish him.

«----------------------------------------------CASSANDRA---------------------------------------------------------------»

The unbearable pressure in my head was now a dull ache, which was probably thanks to the drugs coursing through my body. I felt like I was floating. For a moment I thought I was dead and this weightless feeling was me leaving my body. But the loud and obnoxious beeping coming from my left was the giveaway that I hadn’t ascended into heaven. I was still alive and laying in a hospital bed. 

I slowly open my eyes, closing them again briefly when the bright light from the hospital lights hit my eyes. Once my eyes adjust to the new light level I take in the room around me. From my bed, I could see straight out to the nurse’s station, which probably meant I was one of the patients they wanted to keep a close eye on. Why would they need to keep a close eye on me? 

My body seemed to react to my unspoken question and suddenly made a sharp pain shoot to the front of my head. I instinctively reach up to grab it to try and lessen the pain but freeze when my hand comes into contact with something that wasn’t my skin.

Before I could investigate what was on my head a nurse rushed in and grabbed my hand. She gently lays it at my side. “It’s just a bandage you just had surgery so try not to touch it, okay?” 

I looked at her confused, the last thing I remember was falling unconscious in the car. Why did I need surgery? What type of surgery was it? How am I not dead right now?

As if she could read my mind the nurse quickly rushes off to find a doctor who apparently would explain everything to me. Shortly after the nurse left she returned with a doctor, he gave me a bright smile as he entered the room and made his way over to me.

“Good to see you’re awake. I’m Doctor Keating” He shines a bright light into my eyes. “Can you tell me what your name is?”

“Cassandra” I croaked out, my throat sore and dry. 

The nurse hands him a cup of water with a straw, he holds it to my lips and I greedily gulp it down. 

“That’s great Cassandra. Do you remember what happened to you?”

“Car crash” I plainly answered.

“You hit your head pretty bad you suffered a compact fracture…” He starts going on about my injuries and how well my surgery went. I tune him out, unable to pull my mind away from the horrible trauma I had just gone through. Here I was alive and apparently on my way to recovery and my brother was probably laying downstairs in the morgue. 

“Where’s my brother?” I bluntly asked, interrupting his speech about what symptoms I might experience. Both of them share a look unsure of how to answer me. 

“I was with him for hours, I know he’s dead. I just want to know if he’s here” I say, trying to keep my emotions at bay. I didn't want these strangers to see me cry.

“He is” Adam says from the doorway, carrying a packaged sandwich and a cup of coffee. 

“We’ll give you two a minute” The nurse says as she and the doctor leave.

Before the doctor leaves he grabs Adam by the arm. “Be careful with her she’s still fragile”

Adam nods before closing the curtain and rushing over to my side. He places his coffee and food to the side and pulls me into a hug. We both hold each other as we cry. 

“I was so worried” He pulls back and lightly rubs my check.

“I’m sorry” I cry as we look into each other's eyes.

“You have nothing to be sorry about” He tells me. 

“That’s a fucking lie and we all know it” My mum says as she steps in the room with a vicious look on her face. 

I immediately lower my eyes and start to play with the scratchy hospital blanket. Even to this day every time I see my mom I turn into a scared little girl. The look she has in her eyes lets me know I’m in for a whole world of pain.

Adam quickly jumps to his feet and stands in her way, stopping her from walking further into the room. “She's just had surgery. She can't be stressed out”

“Oh, the poor baby, did you get a booboo? Do you need mommy to kiss it better for you?” She snarls sarcastically. Looking at me with burning hatred in her eyes. 

“Joanna…” Adam’s tries to stop her again but she’s on the warpath and his attempt is useless. 

“Do you know where I've been while you were napping?” She questions, pushing her way past Adam. She stops at the foot of my bed. “No?” She grips the bottom of the hospital bed, her knuckles turning white. 

“I was downstairs identifying the body of my baby boy” She spits out her voice crashing with emotion. She angrily wipes the tears from her eyes, before she starts to pace the room, eyes forced on me. She looked like a predator stalking its prey, just waiting for her moment to strike.

I can see Adam looking at me from the corner of the room, unsure if he should intervene. We have a silent conversation with our eyes, one that basically said let her do whatever she’s going to do, I deserve it. 

Getting frustrated that my attention is no longer on her my mother makes her move and goes in for the kill. She moves back to her spot at the end of my bed. Slowly her hand slips under the blanket, she grabs my foot in her hand and starts to pinch the skin on the top of my right foot. I jump slightly from the sudden pain of her sharp fingernails digging into my skin.

“He was worth a hundred of you” Her nails dig in further. I try and pull my foot away but she tightens her hold on me and I go nowhere. “You killed him”

She lets go of my foot and wipes the blood off of her fingers on the blanket, she turns to leave but stops in the doorway. “The wrong child died today. It should have been you” She curly growls.

Once she leaves, Adam quickly moves the blanket from my foot and checks the damage. It’s bleeding a little and turning a nice shade of red. Another bruise to add to my massive collection. I could feel Adam wipe the blood off my foot but I’m too focused on staring at the door my mother just left through to care about what he was doing. 

She was right. Joshua was better than me in every way, he was a sweet kid who made friends as easy as breathing, he was super smart, never getting anything below a B since he was 8. He could have done such amazing things and I took that from him. It should have been me. There’s no comparison. I’ve been wasting my life for years, doing nothing more than just exciting. Slowly killing myself with drugs, alcohol and other poor decisions. He should be here laying in this bed right now not me. 

Before I could spiral further into the dark places my mind was trying to take me, Adam grabs my face in his hands.

“Don’t you dare listen to her” He uses his thumb to wipe away a tear that fell down my cheek. “No one’s life is worth more than someone else's. You survived. She doesn’t get to make you feel guilty for that” 

“I…It...It should have been me” I stutter out in between choking sobs. 

Adam quickly gathers me into his arms as I break down, pained wails fill the room. I cry until my whole body hurts and I eventually pass out from exhaustion.

«---------------------------------------------------PRESENT TIME--------------------------------------------------------»

Adam wipes the tear from his face that had been continuously falling as he recounted the story to the group. When he looks up at the group he notices that they are all actively trying not to look at him. But he could still see that most of their faces were filled with sympathy _(Which he knew Cassandra would hate)_

“She wasn’t the same after that. She would hardly sleep and when she did she would only get a few hours before screaming herself awake” He stands up from his spot on the ground. “Those first few nights in the quarry were hell for her. I would have to talk her down from a panic attack every time a cricket would chirp or an owl would hoot” 

“Why didn’t either of you say anything? We could have helped” Dale says, placing a comforting hand on Adam’s shoulder. 

Adam didn’t find the gesture comforting in the slightest, in fact, it just made him angry. These people had no idea what he had to go through to keep his best friend from falling apart in front of him, every single day for the past several months. She was a ticking time bomb and he knew it was only a matter of time before her clock ran out and she would self-destruct. 

“I handled it” Adam hissed before taking a deep breath and calming himself down. He didn't mean to take his anger out on Dale, he was just so damn tired and worried sick. 

“What do you mean you handled it?” Rick asks.

He takes another calming breath before answering Rick. “During the day she would be fine, I would only have to help her if she needed to go into the woods to help with the laundry or gather supplies. She wouldn’t go in there alone”

“But she went into the woods alone” Glenn says, confused by Adam’s statement. 

“Did she?” Adam asked, already knowing the answer. Cassandra wouldn’t set feet in the woods unless he was right then with her or she had someone else she trusted with her.

Glenn thinks for a few minutes before realising Adam was right, he’s never actually seen Cassandra go into the woods alone until today, but even then she had Sophia with her. 

Adam watches as the others also come to the same realisation as Glenn. He chuckles at how clueless these people are before continuing his answer. “Those first few nights I would hold her until she cried herself to sleep. But we both knew that wasn’t healthy so I found her some earplugs on one of my runs. They seemed to work pretty well as long as she wasn’t in total darkness”

Rick lets out a loud sigh and runs a hand over his face before addressing the group. “I know we’re all worried about Sophia and Cassandra” He looks sympatrically over at Carol and Adam. “But the sun’s setting and Daryl can’t track them in the dark. We have to make this an organized effort in the morning. Daryl knows the woods better than anybody. I've asked him to oversee this. For now, everyone get some rest. We head out early tomorrow morning” He walks away.

The other’s stand there in silence for a few moments unsure what to do, until Adam places a hand on Carol’s back and slowly walks her over to the RV. The other’s all follow suit, heading to the RV or some of the surrounding cars. 

«--------------------------------------------CASSANDRA---------------------------------------------------------------»

The sun was starting to set, taking with it my sanity. It was taking everything I had not to freak out. I had lost the walkers a few miles back and was now wandering aimlessly through the woods in search of some kind of shelter I could hold up in until the group found me. I was already extremely lost, if I tried to make my way back I would end up getting myself even more lost, so staying in one spot was the smartest thing to do. 

I’m also pretty sure I read that if you were lost in the woods it’s earlier for people to find you if you don’t wander off too far from your original location. Oops. Guess I’m already off to a great start. Go team, Cassandra!

Thankfully, before my stupid ass could make herself harder to find, I saw a cabin a few meters to my right. I cautiously make my way over to it, knife raised. It looked like every creepy cabin in the woods from every scary movie ever. The door was hanging off its hinges, the windows were boarded up, the roof was full of holes and the exterior was covered in moss and other greenery. It looked like a serial killer's wet dream. 

“Creepy Cabin in the woods, what could possibly go wrong?” I mutter to myself as I slowly climb the weathered stairs. 

I looked inside with what little light for the sun I had left. The inside made the outside look like a luxury hotel. The floor was littered with rubbish, broken furnishings, animal waste and I’m pretty sure that weird shape in the right corner is some type of dead animal. 

It looked empty but I wasn’t dumb enough to trust that so I stood in the doorway and let out a low pitched whistle. I waited nervously, hoping to God that there wasn’t anything lurking in the dark corners of this cabin. A few tense minutes past but no movement came from inside. 

“You can do this, it’s just a really, really disturbing cabin” A take a deep breath before gingerly walking inside the cabin.

There were only two rooms in the cabin. One room housed the kitchen and living area and the other looked like a bedroom from what I could see through the partly opened door. There was no bathroom which probably meant this place had an outhouse somewhere nearby. If the outhouse was anything like the cabin there was no way I would be going anywhere near it, I had already hit my quota of horrors for the day. 

I carefully made my way towards the bedroom, trying not to make too much noise just in case there was something trapped in there. Luckily the room was free from threats and I entered the room without issue. 

The room wasn't very big, it only had room for a single bed and a small dresser. I knew there was no way I was going to be sleeping tonight so I pushed the bed in front of the door, locking myself in the room. 

I checked under the bed but found nothing and the only thing I found in the dresser was a pair of XL ripped jeans. I laid them down on the horrible floor and used them as a barrier between me and the floor as I sat down, pulling my knees up to my chest and hiding my face in them. 

I close my eyes uptight as the sun finally sets and I’m draped in darkness. I didn't try to stop the tears that fell from my eyes. I was cold, alone, scared, helpless and I was probably going to die, this gross cabin becoming my tomb.

I would give anything to be back in that stuffy RV, surrounded by weird smells and noises all night. I would even happily listen to Andrea try to hit on Shane for hours even though he was not interested. If it meant I didn’t have to be here. 

I don’t know how long I sat there silently crying into my knees but when I opened my eyes again the sun was starting to come up and I knew it was going to be another long day of trying not to die.

«--------------------------------------------------GROUP---------------------------------------------------------------»

The next morning the group all gathered around the RV. Rick lays out a few miscellaneous weapons the group had managed to scavenge the day before. “Everybody takes a weapon”

“These aren't the kind of weapons we need. What about the guns?” Andrea moans as the others all take one of the weapons Rick had placed on the back of a car. 

“We've been over that. Daryl, Adam, Rick and I are carrying. We can't have people popping off rounds every time a tree rustles” Shane tells her.

“It's not the trees I'm worried about” Andrea pushing, hoping that if she moans and bitches enough someone will give into her. 

Shane rolls his eyes at her. “Say somebody fires at the wrong moment, a herd happens to be passing by. See, then it's game over for all of us. So you need to get over it” 

Andrea gives Shane a killer bitch face but he’s not fazed. He was already getting tired of her shit and it wasn’t even noon yet. 

Daryl, sensing the increasing tension, decided to get people back on track. “The idea is to take the creek up about five miles, turn around and come back down the other side. Chances are Sophia or Cassandra will be by the creek. It's their only landmark”

With that he walks off, leaving Rick and Shane to get everyone else ready. They were the cops, hoarding people was kind of their jobs. He wasn’t in the mood to babysit anyone. So instead he stopped near the embankment and started to clean his crossbow. Waiting impatiently for the others to get their shit together. They were already losing daylight. 

“Does she ever stop bitching?” Adam asks, making Daryl jump in the process. He hadn’t realised Adam had come to wait with him. “She’s moaning at Dale for saving her life and taking her gun away from her” 

“Just who she is” Daryl shrugs. Women like Andrea are used to getting their way and when things start going wrong in their lives it’s easier for them to blame others. Unfortunately for Dale, it looks like he’s become Andrea’s victim. 

“Is it bad that I wish Cassandra and her traded places?” Adam asked, looking up to the sky in shame. 

“No” Was Daryl’s simple answer. Adam was going to ask him to elaborate but before he could the others were by their side and it was time to start the search. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

Daryl and Rick took the lead while Shane and Adam took up the rear, with the rest of the group in the middle. 

“Shane, look” Carl says as he comes up to Shane to show him the weapon he had in his hand. “Dad said I could carry it and mom said as long as I was…”

Shane angry cuts him off. “Keep it down. We're looking for Sophia. You need to focus on the task” Shane falls back leaving a confused Carl with Adam. 

Adam could see that Shane’s rejection was weighing on the kid. “Ignore him, he's just being a grumpy…” He leans down and whispers into Carl’s ear. “Motherfucker”

Carl starts to giggle, most adults don’t openly swear with kids present but Adam didn’t seem to care. Carl’s light laughter caught the attention of Lori and she fell into place with the boys.

“Something funny?” She asks, giving both of them a questioning look.

“Carl was just showing me his awesome new weapon” Adam places his arm around Carl’s shoulder.

“You think it’s cool?” Carl asks, eyes wide with happiness.

“Oh definitely!” Adam holds out his gun. “Wanna trade?” 

Carl looks at the gun before looking down at the weapon in his hand. “Nah, mine’s cooler” 

“That is very true, buddy” Adam says, ruffling Carl’s hair. “Why don’t you go show Glenn? I’m sure he’ll be super jealous” Carl nods his head before rushing off to find Glenn. 

Adam walks up to Lori. “Shane was being a dick to him, he just wanted to show him his cool new toy”

Lori sighs. “He’s been that way with him since yesterday”

“Maybe you need to say something to him, put him back in his place” Adam suggests.

She nods her head before placing a hand on Adam’s arm. “Thank you for cheering him up”

“Cass would kill me if she found out I didn’t. She loves that little dude” He smiles fondly. 

She rubs Adam’s arm, trying not to let her tears fall. She knew how crushed Carl would be if they didn’t find Cassandra. She remembers when Carl first told her about his new friendship with the older woman, Cassandra had just drawn him a picture of him fighting in an epic battle and Carl had lost it. He decided right there that she was the coolest person he had ever met. 

“We’ll find her” She says, taking Adam’s hand in hers and giving it a comforting squeeze. 

A whistle cuts through the air and both of them know that's the signal that someone has found something. Adam and Lori head to the front of the group and see Daryl and Rick looking over a green tent. 

“One of them could be in there” Shane says as he too makes his way up the front.

“Could be a whole bunch of things in there” Daryl says as he cautiously makes his way closer to the tent. He waits for Rick and Shane to cover him before unzipping the tent, as he does an awful smell wafts out making everyone cough. 

Daryl disappears inside, he returns a few minutes later with a gun in his hand.

“What was in there?”

“Just some dude. Did what Jenner said. Opted out. Ain't that what he called it?” He tucks the gun into the waistband of his jeans.

Suddenly the air fills with the sound of church bells. Everyone starts to run off in the direction of the noise, hoping that it was one of their missing friends making that noise.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

It wasn't.

The church was a complete bust, apart from three undead assholes the place was empty and the noise they heard was just a recording of church bells being played through a speaker. To say this put a damper on everyone's mood would be an understatement. 

Shane and Rick decided to split the group up; one group would circle the area whilst the other headed back to the RV and searched for the missing girls on the way. Daryl wasn’t happy he was put on babysitting duty, but he wasn’t half as angry as Adam was with the arrangement. It was another wasted day, they were no closer to finding Cassandra or Sophia and his patience with certain members of the group was starting to run thin. Daryl was pretty sure if Andrea moaned about her feet hurting one more time he was going to have to stop Adam from pushing her into a walker. 

“So this is it? This is the whole plan?” Carol asks as she takes a seat on a fallen tree.

“I guess the plan is to whittle us down into smaller and smaller groups” Daryl grumbles.

“Carrying knives and pointy sticks. I see you have a gun” Andrea bitches giving Lori an unimpressed look. 

“Why you want it?” Lori asks as she pushes the gun into Andrea’s hand. “I'm sick of the looks you're giving me”

“Nobody is giving Andrea a gun” Adam rolls his eyes as he takes the gun out of Andrea’s hands and puts it back into Lori’s waistband. “Everyone stop your bitching and get a fucking move on, we’ve got missing people to find” He shakes his head and walks off further into the woods. Not caring if they follow him or not. 

Of course, they all follow after him, he is one of their _‘protectors’_ after all. They walk a little further, but all stop as a gunshot echoes through the trees.

“Do you think that was them?” Carol asks as she looks behind her.

Adam shares a look with Daryl and they both know that they can’t let the group panic, that won't help anyone. Adam took the lead as he was better at talking to people then Daryl. “Could be anything, everybody stay close. Keep an eye on the brush, look for walkers, Sophia or Cassie” 

Everyone seems to calm down slightly until Andrea has to ruin it. _(Yep. Adam was definitely going to feed her to the walkers)_ “Shouldn’t they have met up with us by now?”

“They said they’d met us at the RV, stop panicking and get a move on” Daryl growls before walking off. 

They get a few more meters before Andrea pipes up again. “How much further?”

Daryl looks over to Adam and he could tell by the look he was sending Andrea’s way that they agreed, she was the worst. 

“Maybe a hundred yards as the crow flies” Daryl tells her.

“Too bad we’re not crows” She rolls her eyes before falling to the back of the group. A few moments later her panicked screams fill the air. 

Daryl and Adam rush off to her but before either of them could attempt to save her a woman riding a horse hits the walker attacking Andrea.

“Lori? Lori Grimes?” The mystery woman asks Andrea.

“I’m Lori” Lori says, walking forward.

“Rick sent me. You have to come with me. There's been an accident. Carl’s been shot” All the colour drains from Lori’s face. “He’s alive but we have to go now”

Lori goes to get on the horse but Daryl grabs her arm and stops her “You can’t get on that horse. We don’t know this girl”

“It’s my son Daryl” The look on Lori’s face is all it takes for Daryl to let go of her arm.

She quickly jumps on the back on the horse. The mystery woman turns and addresses the group. “Rick said you had others on the highway, that big traffic snarl? Backtrack to Fairburn road. Two miles down is our farm. You'll see the mailbox... Name's Greene... Hi-yah!”

Lori and Mystery woman ride off leaving the others confused. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

As soon as they reach the highway Dale rushes over to them. “What happened?”

“Carl was shot” Glenn answers as they all start to jump over the barricade.

“What do you mean shot?” He asks eyes wide with panic. 

Glenn shrugs. “I don't know, Dale. I wasn't there. All I know is this chick rode out of nowhere like Zorro on a horse and took Lori”

“You let her?” Dale asks Daryl. Shocked he would let Lori go with this stranger. 

“Climbed down out of my asshole, man. Rick sent her. She knew Lori's name and Carl's” Daryl angrily growls in Dale’s face.

“I heard screams” He looks to Adrea. “Was that you?” 

“She got attacked by a walker. It was a close call” Adam informs him, trying his best not to laugh. 

“Andrea, are you all right?” Dale asks, concerned. Andrea ignored him and headed into the RV without another word.

Dale sighs before turning to the group. “We need to get to this farm” 

“We can’t just leave” Carol says, terrified that her daughter would come back and think they left her.

Daryl gives her back a gentle pat, letting her know that’s not going to happen. “We gotta plan for this. I say tomorrow morning is soon enough to pull up stakes. Give us a chance to rig a big sign, leave them some supplies. I'll hold here tonight, stay with the RV”

“I’ll stay too” Adam says. 

“If the RV’s staying so am I” Dale adds.

“Thank you. All of you” Carol’s eyes start to fill with tears and Adam is quick to pull her into a hug.

Glenn shrugs. “If everyone's staying…” 

Dale cuts him off. “Not you Glenn. You need to take Carol’s car and reconnect with our people”

“Me? Why is it always me?” Glenn childishly wines.

Dale chooses to ignore Glenn’s moaning. “More importantly, you need to get T-Dog there. That cut has gone from bad to worse. If we don’t get him some antibiotics he will die, no joke”

Without saying a word Daryl walks over to his motorcycle and puts a bag of drugs out of the seat compartment. 

“Why'd you wait till now to say anything? Got my brother's stash. Got some kick ass painkillers. Doxycycline” He finds the drugs and throws them other to Dale. “Not the generic stuff neither. It's first class. Merle got the clap on occasion”

Dale gives T-Dog a few of the pills before handing Glenn the rest. 

“You’re clean thought, right? Because you’ve had sex with my pregnant bestie and the clap can’t possibly be good for my future niece or nephew” Adam gives Daryl a questioning look.

Daryl turns bright red as everyone’s eyes turn on him. Not only does everyone here, now know about him and Cassandra they all think he’s as stupid as his brother and caught something. “I’m clean” He says, trying and failing to hide his embarrassment. 

“There was this guy she was seeing off and on a few years ago who gave her crabs, God she was so pissed. So she decided to get her revenge” Adam starts to laugh as he remembers the story. “She went back to his house in the middle of the night and spraypainted two crabs fucking on the side of his house. It was fucking huge”

“She didn’t!” Glenn asks, mouth open in shock. 

“Oh, she did. It was on the news and everything” Adam points a finger at Glenn. “A word to the wise never piss that woman off” 

“Noted” Glenn nods before grabbing T-Dog and heading for Carol's car.

The others watch as they drive off. 

“We should start work on the sign” Daryl says, walking off to get the needed supplies. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

The atmosphere in the RV was extremely uncomfortable. The anger radiating from Andrea was making everyone around her tense but the broken sobs from Carol were Daryl’s breaking point.

Daryl gathers up his crossbow and stands next to the seat Adam was in. “I’m gonna head out, you wanna come?” 

“Fuck yeah” Adam quickly grabs his gun and torch before practically sprinting out of the RV.

Once outside they both inform Dale where they were going. They headed into the woods and shone a light into the darkness, in hopes that one of the girls would see it and maybe come to them. 

“I’m worried we won't find them” Adam admits, sheepishly. He didn't want to give up hope but with no sign of where Cassandra could be, It was becoming more difficult.

“We just started looking. She’s probably holed up in a farmhouse somewhere waiting for us to find her. People get lost in the woods all the time. I did when I was younger than Sophia”

“You did?"

“Nine days in the woods eating berries, wiping my ass with poison oak. My old man was off on a bender with some waitress. Merle was doing another stint in juvie. Didn't even know I was gone. I made my way back though. Went straight into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. No worse for wear. Except my ass itched something awful”

Adam couldn’t stop himself from laughing at Daryl’s story. It was awful obviously but come on it’s an itchy ass how could he not laugh?

Daryl ignores Adam’s laughter. “Difference is your girl has people looking for her”

Adam’s laughter comes to a sudden and complete stop. “Does she?” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “I feel like everyone only cares about finding Sophia, I know she’s just a kid but Cassanrad’s pregnant she’s just as vulnerable as Sophia”

“Cass is a tough girl” Daryl hesitates for a moment unsure if he should continue with his train of thought. He stops walking and looks Adam in the eyes. “I saw the scars on her body, she’s already survived a lot. This is just another part of her story. She isn’t gonna let this take her down”

Adam smiles at Daryl’s words. “You care about her don’t you?” 

Daryl opens his mouth to disagree with Adam’s statement but he can’t because he’s right. 

Adam pats Daryl’s arm. “Don't worry. It’s hard not to fall in love with that little terror”

Daryl freezes at Adam’s words. Is that what this is? How do you even know if you’re in love with someone? Sure his stomach jumps every time she smiles at him and his heart beats faster than humanly possible when she's near but that just because Daryl finds her attractive. It was purely, attraction, nothing else. Or at least that’s what Daryl told himself as he and Adam continued their search in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Cassandra's brother Josh is a little cutie huh? (Don't worry he'll make a reappearance) Prepare yourself for more heartbreaking flashbacks in the future, I have some planned for the filler episodes. Which is basically the whole of season 2. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! 
> 
> Ali xx


	10. Up Shit Creek Without a Paddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra meets some new 'friends' and her situation goes from bad to worse, leaving her fighting for her life and sanity. Glenn gets some solid advice from Adam about women and Daryl eats a squirrel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:  
> This chapter contains unwanted sexual advances and touching. There is also a scene where Cassandra does something questionable with one of the men who found her in order to survive. If this is something you are not comfortable reading please skip the Cassandra part that comes after Adam’s.

**_Wednesday 10th March 2010._ **

Recovering from a head injury sucks! I’ve probably had about six hours of decent sleep since being discharged from the hospital a little over a week ago. Even the slightest loud noise makes my head feel like it’s going to explode, which is great when you live in an apartment complex and your upstairs neighbour has an unruly three-year-old who insists on running around and dropping things on the ground all hours of the day. I get dizzy if I stand for too long unaided or if the lights are too bright. I’m irritable, cranky and have turned into a complete bitch.

Honestly, I’m surprised Adam hasn’t called me out on my bullshit yet. I’ve been making his life hard since he brought me home. He’s essentially become my nurse, my punishing bag and my shoulder to cry on when things start to get too much. He’s never once complained which makes me feel even more shitty when I act out in frustration and say some horrible things. 

“Miss Jansen, are you listening?” Asked Doctor Davis who sat on the opposite side of the table to me. 

“Of course I am” That was a complete lie, I had zoned out as soon as he started talking if I’m being honest. Having trouble concentrating was something else I was having to deal with, I couldn’t focus on anything for more than five minutes before my mind wandered off.

“Really? Well then, what did I just ask you?” He gives me a pointed look.

The Doctor had placed a pack of cards on the table which he had been using over the last few days to test my memory and problem-solving skills. Apparently, it’s common for people to struggle with these things after experiencing a head injury. I looked down at the cards on the table in the middle of us, on both of the cards was a simple drawing of a family spending the day at the beach. I noticed the daughter was holding an ice cream in one of them but in the other, the ice cream had turned into a hotdog. You don’t have to be a genius to figure out that this was.

“The object the little girl is holding has changed. The dad’s got a sunburn. The ocean is pink. The sun is wearing a pair of sunglasses and a sunhat. The mom’s bathing suit went from blue to orange. Do I need to go on?” I huff, already getting bored even though we had only just started.

“No, you did good, we can move on to the next one” He pulls out the next card and reads it. “If daddy pig is blue and mommy pig is red what colour is their baby?” 

“The baby pig would be purple” I let out an annoyed breath, I hated these stupid cards. Most of them had questions similar to this one which made me feel like I was back in kindergarten. 

He checks something on the machine I was connected to before reading his next card. “Name one personal thing that was in your childhood bedroom”

This one took me by surprise, I was expecting another question meant for a toddler not a trip down memory lane. I had to think hard about this one, not because my memory was failing me but because my room as a kid wasn’t mine. I shared with my older sister until she left for college but even then the room was hers, I just had the privilege of sleeping there. She got to fill the space with personal shit like posters of her favourite boyband, trophies she had won from her dance competitions, photos of her and all her awful friends and other normal stuff that regaler kids have laying around their bedrooms. All I had was a single bed in the corner of the room, with a small desk pushed up next to it. The only _‘personal’_ items I had were my art supplies and I was only allowed them because it kept me quiet and away from the rest of my family.

The machine makes a series of loud beeps and Doctor Davis looks over to me with a concerned look on his face. “Miss Jansen?”

I take a deep breath and the beeping comes to a stop. “My drawings” I answered. 

He gives me a small smile before writing something on his clipboard. “I’m driving a blue bus on a rainy Tuesday morning. Three men get on at the first stop. Two women get on at the next stop. A mother with a black stroller crosses the street as the bus waits at a red light. What colour is the bus driver's hair?”

“Black and greying” He laughs at my description of him.

He runs a hand through his hair. “I was meant to dye it but just haven’t had the time. Is it that noticeable?”

I shake my head. “The horrible hospital lights don’t help though”

“That’s very true. Ready to carry on?” I nod at him and he continues his tests. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

We were in that testing room for another twenty minutes before the doctor was finished with his questions. After we were done he led me back to his office where Adam was sitting waiting for me. As I entered the room I noticed he wasn’t alone like he was when I had left. 

Sitting in a chair opposite him was another man. He was older, probably in his mid 30’s. He had short blond hair, his green eyes were watching me intensely and I was internally shouting at myself for not dressing up and coming to the hospital looking like a mess. I was wearing one of Adam’s hoodies _(Which was more like a dress on me)_ a pair of legging, my hair was placed in a haphazard bun on the top of my head _(I hadn’t washed it in days)_ and I hadn’t bothered putting on any makeup because the dark bruises around my eyes would have needed an entire bottle of concealer and still would have been visible. 

_Of course, it was just my luck to run into this Ryan Gosling looking mother fucker when I looked like I had been to hell and back._

“Take a seat Miss Jansen” Davis smiles at me as he gestures to the seat next to Adam. 

I walk over and sit down, keeping my eyes on the mystery man. He gave me a sweet smile as the doctor joined us.

“This is Doctor Luke Paulson” Davis gestures to the mystery man sitting next to him.

“It’s very nice to meet you Miss Jansen” He holds his hand out to me and I hesitantly shake it.

“I asked Doctor Paulson to take a look over your test results” Davis says as he takes a seat next to the new Doctor.

“Did you find something wrong?” Adam asks worriedly, grabbing my hand to try and calm himself down. 

“No” Doctor Davis reassures us. “Everything seems to be working perfectly fine and the bruising you’re experiencing should be gone by the end of next week” He looks down at his clipboard. “The problem we have is you still seem to be having trouble recounting a large portion of what happened to you the night of your accident”

“This problem with your memory has nothing to do with your head injury, it’s your brain’s way of saving you from the trauma you’ve experienced” Doctor Paulson adds.

Davis nods his head at his colleague’s words. “That’s why I’ve asked Doctor Paulson to help me with your case. He’s a Psychiatrist who specialises with people who have experienced severe trauma”

“I don’t need therapy” I mumble. I didn’t see how talking to some stranger about all of my problems was going to fix me. At this point, I was probably too far gone for anyone to help anyway.

Paulson chuckles as he hears my words. “You know people who say they don’t need therapy are usually the ones who need it the most” He gives me a sympathetic look before his face turns serious. “I’ve booked you in for a two-hour slot at 19:00 every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for the next couple of weeks”

“Do I really need to go three times a week?” I whine. I didn’t want to go in the first place and now I was going to have to waste six hours a week of my life on this shit.

“When I feel like we’re made enough progress we will drop it to one session a week, but until then you and I are going to be seeing a lot of each other” He smirks at me before exiting his seat. “Our first session is this upcoming Monday I look forward to seeing you again Miss Jansen”

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

I was sitting on the couch in Doctor Paulson’s office, slowly losing my mind with boredom. His receptionist said he was running late but promised he would be with me shortly. 

I had been doing this therapy thing for a few weeks now. And nine sessions in I was getting pretty good at saying whatever would make him happy so I could get to go home early. You should have seen his face last week when we had a _‘breakthrough’_ about my toxic relationship with my mother. I wasn’t an idiot I knew most, if not all of my problems stemmed from her treatment of me. 

A few more minutes passed before the Doctor finally arrived. He looked stressed, I could see him actively trying to control his breathing. He heads to his desk and pulls out the notebook he has on me. 

“Sorry for keeping you waiting Miss Jansen” He says as he takes a seat in his chair across from me.

“Long day?” I ask. I wasn’t really in the mood to talk about my shitty childhood today and saw his frustration as my ticket out of it.

“You have no idea” He fake laughs as he opens the notebook.

“Wanna talk about it?” I push hoping he would say yes and I could sit here and pretend to be interested in his life. 

He shakes his head dismissively at me. “We’re here to talk about you Miss Jansen not me” 

“I’m not really in the talking mood” I raise a challenging eyebrow at him. 

We both stare at each other, stuck in a standoff. He wanted me to talk about myself and I wanted him to talk about why he looked like he wanted to punch a wall. 

After spending weeks with me he knew how stubborn I was so it was no shock he broke first. “My wife is being a vindictive bitch” 

“How?” I asked leaning forward in my seat slightly. I’ve always been a sucker for relationship drama. He would probably say it’s because I’ve never had a real relationship of my own so I like to see other people’s relationships fail so I don’t feel like I’m the only one who can’t keep someone interested for long.

“You tell me something about your relationship with your mother and then I’ll tell you” Damn this guy was good. He had me hooked and was using it to his advantage.

“What do you wanna know?” I ask.

“At what age did the abuse start?” He pulls out a pen from his shirt pocket and looks over at me, expectantly. 

I huff and lean back on the couch, folding my arms over my chest. “As long as I can remember. When I was a toddler I went through a biting phase”

“Most kids do at that stage in life” He interjects before gesturing for me to continue.

“My big sister stole the toy I was playing with so I bit her, she ran to tell my mom who was furious. As punishment my mother bit me back so hard I needed stitches” I showed him the small scar on my left wrist. It was the first scar my mother had given me, I was too young to remember it happening but my sister told me about it a few years later when I asked her about how I got the scar. 

He nods his head happy with my answer as he makes a note. “My ex-wife Sarah is trying to file for full custody of our two daughters”

“You have kids?” I was shocked he didn’t give off any hits that he was a father. 

“Yeah, Hannah is seven and Molly will be turning five next Tuesday” He gets the dopiest smile on his face. 

“You got a picture?” He walks over to his desk and pulls out a photo frame, he hands it to me before sitting back down.

The photo was of Luke and two little blond girls. The little girl who I assumed was Hannah was hanging from his neck with a massive smile on her face as the other sat happily on her father’s shoulders. “They’re cute”

“Don’t let their adorable faces fool you, they are little terriers” He laughs as I hand the photo back to him. “Wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world though. Kids are such a blessing I hope you get to experience it one day”

I send him a fake smile, hoping he doesn’t catch how uncomfortable talking about kids had made me. It wasn’t that I didn’t like kids, I probably got on better with them then I did adults. It was the thought of myself having one that got my heart racing and made my palms sweaty. I had been actively trying to prevent a little _‘blessing’_ from happening since I was fifteen. 

I’ve only had one pregnancy scare in my whole adult life and that was about three years ago when my period was over five weeks late. Thankfully, a few days after I panicky informed Adam about our potential problem mother nature graced me with her presence. I’ve never been so happy to see blood in my entire life. 

That scare was enough for me to decide that I needed to try harder to prevent it from happening again, from that day on my bathroom cabinet was filled with so many morning-after pills that I could have opened a Plan B dispensary. I wasn’t messing around. I wasn’t about to let some asshole ruin my life by knocking me up and leaving me to raise a kid on my own. That wouldn’t be good for anyone involved.

«----------------------------------------------PRESENT DAY--------------------------------------------------------------»

I had to leave the cabin shortly after the sun came up. I heard voices coming from the woods and for a second my heart jumped thinking my group had found me but the hope I felt quickly disappeared when the voices got closer and I realised I didn’t recognise a single one. 

They were all male or at least everyone I heard speak were. They didn’t sound friendly in the slightest so I made the smart decision to get as far away from this new threat as possible. I didn’t want to find out what a group of potentially armed men would do to a defenceless woman lost and alone in the woods. I doubt they would be kind enough to help me get back to my group.

That was two days ago. And I had put a pretty good distance between me and the cabin where I encountered the men. I was now hiding in a beautiful farmhouse I had found. It was the complete opposite of the cabin I had stayed in on the first night I was lost. It was clean, the only mess was a pool of dried blood near the back door that probably belonged to the previous owner. I didn’t take much time to think about who had lived here before, I was too forced on stuffing my face.

By some miracle, the house hadn’t been looted yet and the cupboards were still stocked to the brim with food and bottled water. I never thought I would be crying over finding water but here I was crying on the kitchen floor for some dead person, downing my second bottle. 

After I had recovered from my small breakdown, I wrote a note for Adam telling him where I would be going if I had to move again and he found this place after I was already gone. I put it on the kitchen counter before heading off to search the rest of the house for supplies. Which turned out to be a great idea, this house was a goldmine. I had found enough medical supplies to last my group weeks, there was a gun safe in the master bedroom which housed two rifles.

You must be wondering how I managed to open a locked safe, right? Well, I was a bank robber in my spare time. Just kidding, the safe was open when I got here and one of the two rifles was missing. My guess would be the owner tried to fight back but lost. 

Now let me tell you about my favourite room in the whole house, it was a bedroom that clearly belonged to a teenage girl. The white walls of the room had been used as her canvas, there wasn’t a single inch of the wall that didn’t have some type of doodle on it. She wasn’t a professional by any means but some of her drawings were beautiful. My favourite was the vine of flowers that looped around the whole of the ceiling, the flowers were simple in their design but they were beautiful all the same. This would have been something I would have done to my room when I was younger. _(If I actually had one)_

It felt weird going through this poor dead girl's stuff but I was in desperate need of a new shirt, mine was covered in walker blood, my sweat and God only knows what else. Also, I needed a new bra right away, my boobs had decided now was the perfect time to double in size overnight and my B cup was no longer cutting it.

So when I discovered that the girl I was looting from was the perfect size for my new body type I almost had my second meltdown of that day. I had found a plain black bra and matching panties in her underwear draw, as I put them on I tried not to think about how I was once again wearing someone else’s underwear. I guess I need to get used to it, that's just how the world works now. I also found a top that had a logo of a show or movie I didn’t recognise on it, it was a little baggy on me but it helped hide my bump and it was clean so I wasn’t going to complain. 

I had spent the night in that room, in the four-poster canopy bed that was in the middle of the room. The mattress felt like I was floating on clouds and I finally got a good night's sleep, my body was too exhausted to give me any grief and I slept like a baby until mid-afternoon the next day. 

I would have slept longer but the noise of people shouting had me jumping out of bed in an instant. I crept my way over to the window and looked out onto the street further down the road. Coming out of the farmhouse a few doors down from the one opposite to mine was the group of guys I was trying to get away from a few days ago.

“Shit” I curse to myself, as I watch them continue to shout at each other about something. I couldn’t make out any words but as soon as punches started to fly I instantly lost interest in their conversion. I now had proof that these guys were bad news.

I quickly grabbed the bag I had packed the night before from the side of the bed and gingerly opened the bedroom door. I had barely exited the room before a man quietly walking up the stairs caught my attention. 

Some of them were in the house. Shit! Shit! Shit! I was not prepared for this if it was one on one I could handle myself but I knew I was outnumbered. 

Before I could react the guy spots me and his eyes darken as he takes in my form. My stomach dropped as I saw the look on his face, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what thoughts were bouncing around in his head. 

As he reached the top of the stairs my fight for flight response kicked in and I ran back into the room and slammed the door shut behind me and locked it. I ran over to the window to see if there was something for me to jump onto to get out of this house. Of course, there wasn't anything outside the window other than the long fall to the ground.

Whilst my brain was scrambling for a way out of this room the door was kicked open and the asshole on the other side came sauntering in like he owned the place with an unsettling smirk plastered on his face. “I ain't gonna hurt ya sweet thing, just been a little while since I’ve seen a pretty girl is all” He palms himself through his jeans to further his point. 

“I don’t want any trouble” I say trying to keep the fear I was feeling out of my voice as I raise my knife. 

“Neither do I, beautiful” He sits on the edge of the bed. “So how about you put that knife down and you and I have a little chat about what you need to do to get out of here” 

It takes everything I had not to puke at that moment. Did this guy really think I was stupid enough to believe he would let me leave unharmed if I fucked him? 

He pats the space next to him on the bed. “I’m waiting, baby girl”

I slowly start to walk over to him, he starts licking his lips as I get closer. Before I got too close to the bed I changed directions and ran for the open door. I don’t even make it to the end of the room before an arm appears around my throat and a knife is pressed to my stomach. 

“Where are ya going baby, I ain't finished with ya yet” He coos into my ear. My whole body goes cold and I know I’m screwed. 

«------------------------------------------------------DARYL------------------------------------------------------------»

Daryl was semi-conscious at the bottom of a river embankment, with one of his arrows sticking out of his right side. He had just fallen down the hill for the second time and things weren't looking good, the fall had caused his makeshift tourniquet to come loose and he was slowly starting to bleed out. He had also hit his head hard on his way down causing his vision to blur. 

“Why don't you pull that arrow out, dummy? You could bind your wound better” A familiar voice speaks from above him. Daryl slowly opens his eyes and sees a blurry version of his brother hovering above him.

“Merle?” He tried to get his eyes to focus but he couldn’t.

“What's going on here? You taking a siesta or something?” Merle jokes at the same time as another familiar voice rings in his ears. 

“Did you hit your head?” Daryl looks up and sees Cassandra looking at him, face full of concern.

“Like me to get your pillow? Maybe rub your feet?” Merle jokes. 

Daryl chooses to ignore his brother's jabs, giving his full attention to Cassandra who was lightly tracing his head wound with her fingers. He tries to grab her wrist but his arm won’t move. He just wanted to touch her, he knew she wasn’t there just like his bastard brother but having her here made him feel better. That’s probably why his injured brain brought her here, the angel to go with the devil.

The devil, his brother, wasn't happy that Daryl wasn’t giving him his full attention. So he took matters into his own hands. He places his finger on the tip of the arrow in Daryl’s side and starts to move it in slow circles. Daryl grunts out in pain. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Cassandra screams as she pushes Merle away from Daryl, standing between him and Merle, protectively. “Leave him alone” 

“Or what? You gonna try and stop me?” He takes a threatening step towards her but Cassandra stands her ground.

“Only if you make me” She says, not backing down. 

Merle chuckles and puts his hands up in surrender. “You’ve got some balls on ya girly” He takes another step forward, entering Cassandra's personal space. “Didn’t help ya though did it?” He smirks down at her maliciously. “You still died scared and alone, lost in the woods. Did you get ripped apart by the dead? Did you end up stuck in a ditch like my baby brother here, slowly bleeding out? Or did you choke on your own blood like _your_ baby brother?” 

Cassandra’s tear-filled eyes drop to the ground as Merle loudly laughs in her face.

The look on Cassandra’s face breaks Daryl’s heart, the idea of the real Cassandra going through that pain fills him with anger. “Shut up, bro!” 

“Why don’t you get up and make me?” He does a _‘come and get me’_ gesture with his hands and waits for Daryl to get up. 

Daryl tries to get his body to move but it’s still not listening to him. He shouts out in frustration. Merle kneels down next to him. 

“You're a joke. Why are you trying to help these people? You're nothing but a freak to them. Redneck trash. That's all you are. They're laughing at you behind your back. You know that, don't you? They ain't your kin, your blood” Daryl turns his head to try and see Cassandra, but she was nowhere to be seen. 

Merle grabs Daryl’s face “Now you listen to me. Ain't nobody ever gonna care about you except me, little brother. Nobody ever will. Come on, get up on your feet before I have to kick your teeth in. Let's go” 

Merle kicks Daryl's foot, suddenly the fog from Daryl’s mind clears and the person messing with his foot is no longer his brother but a dead guy who was trying to eat his boot. Fear filling Daryl, he quickly kicks the walker in the head with his other foot. He tries to grab for his crossbow, which was laid next to him in the mud but it was too far and the walker was already coming for him again. 

He managed to keep the walker off him long enough to grab a large branch, he then proceeded to smash the walker's head in, only stopping when he saw another walker making its speedy ascent towards him. 

Knowing he had no other option, Daryl laid himself on the ground and braised himself for the boatload of pain he was about to experience. He grabs the top of his bolt and starts to pull, he bites down on his lip to stop himself from screaming out. A few painful seconds later he had the bolt out and loaded into his crossbow. Just in time for the walker to reach him but before the walker could touch him a bolt was fired into its head. 

As the walker colloped to the ground so did Daryl, he laid there in the mud breathing heavily trying hard not to succumb to the darkness that was trying to take over his mind but he was too exhausted to fight anymore and gave in to the sweet release of the void.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

Daryl woke in a panic, he frantic eyes searching the area. Lucky for him, he hadn't had any more _‘visitors’_ whilst he was sleeping and everything was quiet. He laid back down in the mud and closed his eyes, letting out a relieved sigh. He stayed like that for a moment before her voice made him fly to his feet. 

“That was impressive” His eyes locked onto Cassarda. She was sitting on the embankment above him, smiling as she looked down at the bodies.

“Where’d you go?” He breathlessly askes, walking towards her. As he gets closer he notices that she looks the same as she did on the highway but with one major difference.

“Merle had it covered” She shrugs, and jumps down to stand next to him.

“Where’d the kid go?” He looks down at her flat stomach.

“I’m dead” She runs her finger over her throat and fake chokes, she starts to laugh but stops when she sees Daryl’s unimpressed face. She gives him a guilty smile before continuing. “Me taking a dirt nap, meant the parasite didn’t have an inhabitable host anymore, so it’s not here anymore. I’m free”

“I guess being dead has a couple of perks, huh?” She pats Daryl’s arm with a massive smile on her face. 

Daryl couldn’t take any more of Cassandra’s behaviour and walked off to take the seat she was occupying earlier. He needed to bind his wounds, he removed the remainder of his outer shirt, folded it up and placed it against his wound, using his previous tourniquet to keep it in place. 

Once he was finished he looked back over to Cassandra who hadn’t moved from the spot he had left her, she was frozen in place with that sickening sweet smile on her face. He couldn’t believe she would say that about losing her kid. He knew she wasn’t happy being pregnant. You would have had to be blind, deaf, dumb or all three, to not see that she wasn’t a fan of the thing growing inside of her. Everyone at camp had heard her call it a parasite on more than one occasion, but he could see right through her act. She was just scared and angry and was taking it out on the only thing she could.

He gave Cassandra one last look before heading off to find something to eat, he would need the strength if he was going to get out of this ditch. 

Not even five minutes later he was back with a dead squirrel hanging loosely in his grip. He took a seat on a large log and started to cut open his kill. Eating it raw.

“I can’t tell if that’s gross or kind of hot” Cassandra jokes as she takes a seat opposite Daryl on the bench, watching in disgust as he hungrily devours the poor squirrel. 

Daryl ignores her, he didn’t have time to mess around with his hallucinations. He had to get out of this fucking ditch. He walks over to one of the dead walkers and takes the laces from its boots.

“Do you think it was like cracking a nut?” Cassandra asks from her spot on the log as Daryl cuts the ears off of the walkers he had killed.

“What?” He mumbles, not really listening to her as he fashions his new accessory and places it around his neck.

“When the walkers ripped me open. Do you think it was like cracking a nut?” That however did grab his attention. “It had to be. They ripped my stomach open and had themselves a tasty little snack” She mimics a squirrel eating a bunch of nuts. 

“Stop!” Daryl shouts getting in her face before he starts to angrily pace. “You ain't dead”

“You and I both know that’s not true” She walks over to Daryl and places a hand on his cheek, stopping him from pacing, he looks down at her and his heart breaks. He knows she’s right. “I ran into the woods alone with a hoard at my back. And even if by some miracle I managed to escape them, I’m not you. I can’t hunt, I don’t know how to find clean water or make a fire. I’m a city girl, Daryl. I’m not you” She runs her thumb over his cheek, wiping the tears as he silently cries. 

“But that doesn’t mean you get to give up on me” He looks at her confused. “You need to still find me, even if I'm dead. If I’m half-eaten in the middle of the woods somewhere you need to find me and bring me home, I don’t wanna be alone out there”

Now it was his turn to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “And if… if…” She takes a deep breath. “If I’m one of those things you need to find me and put me down. It has to be you, it can’t be Adam it would destroy him”

She grabs him by his shirt. “Please Daryl, find me. I don't wanna be the reason why someone else dies” 

He tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear and runs his thumb over her jaw. “I’ll find ya” They both close their eyes as he leans down to kiss her but he’s met with nothing but air. 

When he opens his eyes again Cassandra is no longer in front of him. “I’m gonna find ya” He whispers to himself as he prepares himself to climb the hill again. He needed to get back, he had people to find. An arrow to the gut wasn’t going to stop him from bringing her and that little girl home. 

«-------------------------------------------------ADAM----------------------------------------------------------------»

Adam was sitting in the RV flipping through one of Cassandra’s sketchbooks. He and T-Dog had got back from their search hours ago, they were the first group back. Andrea and Jimmy arrived a little over an hour later, having also found nothing. Shane and Rick followed a few minutes later.

Rick had tried to pick Adam’s sprites up by saying they would look again tomorrow. But from the smirk on Shane’s face, Adam knew it was only a matter of time before Shane convinced Rick and a few of the others that Cassandra and Sophia were lost causes and we should stop looking. 

So, he went to the RV in search of something to clear his head from the constant worrying. He found Cassandra’s pack Carol and safety tucked away when she had cleaned the RV a few days prior and sat down to look through one of her many books.

He had been there for around an hour and a half when Glenn walked in looking rather nervous. 

“Oh, hey. Didn't realise you were in here” He awkwardly greets Adam as he takes a seat on the opposite side of the table.

“Just needed a moment to think” Adam says, turning the page. Glenn nods his head in understanding, that’s kind of why he came in here too.

They sit there in silence, Glenn watches as Adam turns page after page of Cassandra’s drawing. Some of them were drawn in a more cartoony style but then on the very next page he would see a drawing that looked more like a photograph and it truly amazed him how well she could flip from one style to the next with what seemed to be little effort. 

“How does she do that?” He asks looking down at the drawing for a super realistic tiger next to the cutest cartoon one he’s ever seen.

“I have no idea. I can’t even draw a circle” Both men laugh. 

Adam smiles at Glenn before flipping a few pages and stopping at a drawing he knew Glenn was going to enjoy. 

“One of her favourite movies as a kid was Who Framed Roger Rabbit. She loved all the different drawing styles the animators used for the cartoon characters. And how well they worked in the real world setting” He informs Glenn as he turns the book around and pushes it towards him.

The drawing was of the cartoon characters Roger rabbit and his wife Jessica rabbit standing in front of one of the castles from Disneyland, which unlike the characters was drawn in photo realistic detail. The background was full of characters from Disney, Warner Brothers, Cartoon Network, etc. It was one of these pictures that you could look at over and over again and still find something new. A new character or a detail you hadn’t picked up before. 

“Whoa” Glenn looks down at the picture completely lost for words. This must have taken days to complete. When they found her he was definitely going to ask her to make him a drawing similar to this with all his favourite video game characters.

“I know. It’s one of my personal favourites” Adam runs a finger over the edge of the book with a sad look on his face.

“We’re gonna find her” Glenn pats Adam’s hand. “She needs to make me one of these before she gets to die” He jokes pointing down to the drawing. 

Adam laughs. “Find her something sugary and I’m sure she’d be more than happy to do that for you”

“I will get right on that” Glenn laughs before his face turns serious. “Can I ask you a question?”

Adam furrows his brows. “Sure?”

“You and Cassandra lived together for a long time right?” Glenn nervously fidgets in his seat.

“Nearly ten years” 

“So you’re well versed in the goings-on… with… with women when they...” He pauses, turning bright red. He didn't know how to ask this question, but he needed some advice and Adam seemed like the perfect guy to ask. Glenn leans in closer and whispers out his question. “Get their periods” 

The question was said so quietly that it took Adam a moment to figure out what Glenn had asked him but once he did he couldn’t stop himself from laughing in Glenn’s face.

Once he had calmed down Adam asked his own question. “Why would you ask me that?” 

“Well” Glenn awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. “I read somewhere that when women spend a lot of time together, their cycles line up and they all get super crazy hormonal at the same time. And I think that the woman have all synced up because they’ve all been acting really weird”

“I’m going to give you some advice” Adam looks him dead in the eyes. “Keep that shit to yourself, you say that to any female out there and you’re going to get a slap to the face or a foot to the boys” 

Glenn squirms in his seat and crosses his legs, looking extremely uncomfortable. “You’re probably right”

“So who’s been acting weird?” Adam asks as he leans back against the seat.

“Maggie” Glenn says before coping Adam and leaning back in his seat. “She started off being mean to me. Then she wanted to have sex with me. And now she's being mean to me again”

“You had sex with the farmer’s daughter?” Glenn goes red and nods slightly. “And now she’s being mean to you?” Glenn nods again.

“It’s like she’s trying to ignore what we did” He groans.

“Are you sure it was good?” Adam asks.

Glenn looks at him, slightly hurt that Adam would think he didn’t know what he was doing. “Of course it was”

“For you maybe but do you know for sure she enjoyed herself?”

“Well, she… you know...” He fake moans and throws his head back. 

“Are you sure she did?” Adam gives him a pointed look, he’s heard enough stories from Cassandra to know that just because a girl is making a lot of noise doesn't mean she’s into it. Most of the time she’s just trying to get the guy to finish so she can go do something else.

“What do you mean? I heard her” Glenn asked, he was now questioning everything that he had done.

“Girls are amazing fakers” Adam states as he looks at Glenn, who looks like Adam is blowing his mind with this information. 

“Seriously? But how can they fake it when things…?” He does a squeezing motion with his hands. 

“Kegels” Adam stands up and pats Glenn on the shoulder. “Want some advice? Girls like it when the guy does the chasing. So even if Maggie’s being weird or cold towards you don’t give up she’ll see you think she’s worth fighting for. Girls love that shit”

Glenn goes to ask Adam another question but gets cut off by Andrea shouting “Walker” From the top of the RV. Both of the guys share a look before rushing out of the RV.

«---------------------------------------------CASSANDRA---------------------------------------------------------------»

The mystery man who had captured me led us both down the stairs. He had moved his arm from around my neck to grab my arm but his knife never left its place next to my stomach. As we entered the kitchen my heart jumped into my throat. The room was full of men, at least fifteen by my count. They were all different sizes but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fight my way out of here even if they all looked like the smallest one in the room, I was outnumbered, unarmed and not at full strength. 

“Who’s this?” Some burly guy with a long, unkempt, greying beard asks the guy who was holding me at knifepoint. 

“Found her hiding in one of the rooms upstairs” He grabs my face with his free hand and moves it around to show all the other men in the room. My stomach lurked with every look they were giving me. “Pretty, right?”

“Can’t really see much in that shirt” Some asshole near the back shouts, licking his lips as he looks over my body.

I can start to feel the panic building inside, if they took my shirt off they would see my bump. And I doubt they are going to see that I am _‘with child’_ and suddenly change their minds on whatever they have planned for me. 

“Right sorry” He chuckles and it sends a chill down my spine. “Forgot to show off the goods” 

He removes the knife from my stomach and pulls out a gun from his waistband and levels it to my head. Half of the guys follow and also point their guns at me, just in case the threat of being shot once in the head wasn’t enough for me. 

“Take it off” He orders me, pointing to my shirt with his gun.

I don’t move, why would I? I’m pretty sure that being shot dead is better than what they are going to do with me. 

“Don’t make me shoot you in that pretty face of yours” He growls, getting annoyed with my act of defiance. 

When I still don't move he sighs then lowers his gun and walks towards me. “Look, I’m trying to be a gentleman here” He grabs my face in one of his hands and squeezes. “Either you take it off yourself or I will do it for you.”

“The more you fight, the worse it’s going to be” He whispers into my ear before placing a kiss on the side of my lips.

I know he's right. Them acting like they are going to shoot me is all bullshit, I’m more _‘useful’_ to them alive. If they wanted to fuck a dead corpse all they would have to do is walk outside and find one the hundreds roaming the streets.

As the douchebag walks away from me I grab the bottom of my shirt and pull it over my head and throw it angrily at the back of his retreating form. He turns around ready to probably kick the shit out of me for my little stunt but freezes when he sees me.

The whole room falls silent until douchebag starts to laugh. “Holy shit! I was not expecting that” 

“Oh you are just full of surprises, huh beautiful?” He places a hand on the side of my bump before moving it down to the waistband of my jeans. I want to rip his hand off and ram it into his dickhole. 

“Take your shoes off” He growls into my ear. I kick off my shoes as he starts to pull my jeans down my legs. I hear a few of the other guy’s wolf whistle and want to vomit. 

As I stand there in the middle of the kitchen, surrounded by assholes in my borrowed underwear, I want to die. I feel humiliated. I let the tears fall as I wrap my arms around my stomach, trying to seek any form of comfort.

“We don't have time for this” The beard dude says as he looks over at my crying form. “We’ve got a job to do, we can’t wait around while you have your fun, Quinn. If you have a go the others will want to too”

Quinn, the prick who had found me, turns to the bearded guy with pure hate in his eyes. “She’s mine. I found her” 

“None of you pricks are touching her!” He shouts to the room. 

_He wants to keep me all to himself how sweet…_

Beard guy, who I'm now assuming is the leader of this merry band of assholes, runs a hand through his hair before turning back to Quinn. “Lock her in the shed out back, once we finish this job for the boss you can come and get her before taking her back with us. That sound reasonable?” 

_No, not reasonable._

“Yes, very reasonable” Quinn agrees, looking like a child on Christmas morning.

“Everyone gather your shit, we leave in two” Beard says as Quinn grabs my arm and drags me out into the backyard. A few of the other guys follow us out. 

I don’t resist. What would be the point? I can’t fight these guys anyway. 

Quinn opens the door of the shed and throws me in, I land on the ground with a heavy thud. A sharp pain shoots up from my hip but I don't have time to dwell on it before Quinn kneels and grabs my face in his hand and pulls me to my knees. 

“I’ll be back for ya later, baby girl” He kisses me before throwing me back down to the floor. 

He gets to his feet and stops in the doorway. “Don’t miss me too much” He winks at me before exiting. 

I stay on the ground until I don’t hear any voices or any sounds at all other than the birds calling each other above me. I look around the dirty shed that’s now acting as my makeshift prison. It’s mostly empty, apart from a few large sacks of animal feed, a couple of rusted buckets, hay bales and a few yards of barbed wire thrown into one of the far corners. All of which are of little help to me and my current situation.

I tried the door but those fuckers were smarter than they looked. Not only did the chain shut the door, but they also placed something heavy in front of it. There was no way I was getting this door opened. I slid down the door to the ground, placed my head in my hands and let my body be wracked with sobs. 

I was well and truly screwed. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

The sun had gone down hours ago and no one had come back to get me. The shed was freezing, I had been pacing up and down trying to keep my body temp up which was barely helping. I was shaking uncomfortable but it wasn’t just the cold that had my body reacting this way. I was starting to panic, I could feel the fear crawling its way through my mind. Getting closer and closer to me the more time I spent locked in this room.

The wooden walls of the shed were bringing back memories I would rather keep buried deep down inside but I knew it was only a matter of time before I no longer had the willpower to keep them locked up. I was already feeling my resolve slipping every second I spent here. 

The tears haven't stopped falling since I was left here, I knew I was dehydrating myself faster by letting this happen but I couldn’t stop them. My body was going into panic mode and I was just along for the ride. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

It took three days. Three days for my mind to shut itself down. Three days for the walls to close in around me. Three days for me to give in and let the fear take control.

By the time the sun had set for the third time, I was a shell. My mind was broken. Images of my time spent in that storm cellar flashed on repeat. The cold biting at my skin, the dirt coating my body, the hunger pains, the thirst, the nightmares hiding in the shadows, all things I was very familiar with. 

“What did we do this time?” Asks a small voice from next to where I was curled up on the ground, shaking. 

I knew it was only a matter of time before she showed up. I open my heavy eyes and watch as my twelve-year-old self sits crossed legged, across from me. Her long brown curls falling in front of her face, hiding the fresh bruises on her face.

“Did we talk back again?” I ask as I gently run my thumb over the bruise under her left eye.

She pushes my hand away from her and looks down at me with a serious face. “I asked my question first” 

“Bad men found me” 

She thought over my words for a few moments before asking the question I knew she would. “Bad men like Dominic or bad men like his friend Wesley?” 

“Wesley” I watched as fear flashed in her eyes. 

“Are they going to hurt us?” She moves to lay down next to me, I take her shaking hand in mine. 

“No” I pull her into my chest. “Do you remember what we did when Wesley tried to hurt us?” I run my hand through her hair, the way I like it. 

“Buy time” She whispers as she buries her face into my chest, I pull her in closer.

When I was eleven my Step-dad’s friend tried to stick his hand down my pants, I pretended to be confused by what he was doing and kept asking what he was trying to do _(I knew what he was trying to do, Hazel had told me what some men try to do to people weaker than them. That was probably the only caring thing she's ever done for me)_ which brought me enough time until I grabbed a pencil from my desk and stabbed him in the eye with it. 

My mother had somehow convinced everyone at the hospital that he had fallen and hit his on the corner of our coffee table. Wesley was never allowed back after that. It had nothing to do with keeping me safe though, I wasn’t the only young girl that lived in that house. She couldn’t take any risks with Hazel. 

“Buy time then take him down” I whisper. 

“We don't have any pencils” She mumbles into my chest. 

She jumps out of my hold as we hear the sound of grass crunching under someone's foot. She looks at me in fear before disappearing. I shakily get to my feet as the shed door opens and that fucker Quinn walks in with that sickening smirk on his face I just want to slap off of him. 

“Hey there, beautiful. Miss me?” He asks, licking his lips and closing the door behind him.

Yeah, I missed you like I would miss a bullet to the head you disgusting pig. _‘Play along’_ I hear my younger self remind me. 

Without thinking I fling myself into his arms, he freezes for a moment unsure of what's happening but being the egotistical pig he is, he just accepts that a woman would throw herself at him. 

“Guess that’s a yes” He chuckles as he moves one of his hands down to grab a hand full of my ass. 

_Play along._

I make my eyes get teary before looking up at him, trying to make myself look as weak as I could. Which was easy considering I was pretty much there anyway. “You said you’d come back” I let my bottom lip wobble.

“And I did” I ran his thumb over my bottom lip. “You think I wouldn’t come back for this?” He questions as he grabs me by my thighs and lifts me into his arms. 

I wrap my legs around his waist. “I was scared” 

“You ain't got nothing to be scared of now, baby girl” He moved us so my back is up against the wall. “Let Quinn take care of you” He captures my lips with his and starts to grind his hips into mine, his fingers pressing hard into my hips as he keeps me in place.

I swallowed hard before kissing him back, I had never felt so gross in my whole life but this was what I had to do to survive. I've been through too much to die in this gross shed at the hands of this fucker. I saw the knife on his belt when he walked in here. I just needed to find the right moment. As he moved his lips from mine, down to my neck, I took the opportunity to move my hands down to his belt. I act like I’m trying to undo his belt but I was actually only using one hand to undo the button on his jeans as the other was removing his knife from its holster. He was too busy sucking at my neck to notice what I was doing anyway, he was focusing on trying to get himself off. I could have done anything and he would have had no idea. I was just here for him to use. 

His piggish nature was coming in pretty handy right now. By the time he finished his assault on my neck, I had the knife tightly in my grip, locked behind his head. 

“Fuck you’re beautiful” He groans as he starts to fiddle with his zipper. 

_God, I wanna puke._

He drops his jeans and boxers to his ankles and I know it’s now or never. Thankfully, his next sentence makes what I’m about to do a lot easier. “I’m gonna fuck this baby right out of ya. Then fill ya with my own” He coos into my ear as he pumps himself in his hand.

Before he gets a chance to do anything else his knife is thrust into the right side of his neck. His eyes go wide in shock and panic as he looks at me. I pull the knife out and blood sprays everywhere, the walls, the floor, the ceiling and all over my face and chest. I must have hit an artery. I fall to the ground as he lets me go in favour of trying to desperately stop his neck from bleeding. 

I watch from my spot on the floor as the blood pours out of his fingers. He watches me watching him, in horror, I don't take my eyes off him for a second even when he falls to the ground and passes out from blood loss. I watch as his shallow breaths stop and the pool of red under him grows. 

I sat there in what I could only guess was shock. I had just killed a man. I was covered in his blood, it was in my hair, on my chest, on my face, in my mouth, it was everywhere. I look down at the pool of blood slowly making its way over to me and break down. What have I done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m having to rewatch season two to get the timings right for Cassandra and I had forgotten how much certain characters annoyed me in the earlier seasons. And as you can see I’m skipping a lot of the farm stuff, it’s mainly Lori’s baby daddy drama and Adam would have only been interested in that because Cassandra would have made he be, so there's no need to write it. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Ali xx


	11. Enjoy your front-row seats to the show that is me reliving my past trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra is in desperate need of a break but unfortunately for her, it doesn’t look like she’s going to be getting one anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:   
> Mentions of abuse and self-harm. It’s nothing too graphic but still needs a warning.

The last few days have been crazy. Daryl fell down a hill, landed on his arrow, got shot by Andrea and still somehow managed to keep breathing. Glenn admitted to sleeping with the farmer's daughter. Lori is pregnant, she hadn’t said anything to anyone but she was acting similar to how Cassandra did in the early weeks of her pregnancy. Hormonal and crazy. And it was setting off Adam’s spidey sense. 

Speaking of Cassandra there was still no sign of her. Daryl had found Sophia’s doll two days ago but that led to another dead end. No one _(Apart from Shane)_ wanted to say it out loud but the chances that both or even one of them being found safe and sound were slim to none. 

Adam didn’t want to give up hope but watching Carol come to the same realisation that their family might not be alive made him feel a little less guilty about giving up. 

Oh, but the best part of everything that’s happened so far is that the barn is full of walkers. About a dozen or so, according to what Shane/Glenn saw. Tensions in the camp were high anyway but this new development was sending people spiralling. Adam was one of the calmer members, he didn’t care what Hershel did with his land. If the old guy wanted to keep his dead family and friends locked in his barn then why shouldn’t he? Who was Adam to judge?

Shane had put Adam on barn watching duty before he ran off to go and do something that was probably going to cause even more problems for the group. Adam had decided he hated the guy, he lied to his best friend's wife about her husband being dead, fucked her then got mad when she chose her resurrected husband over him. The way he spoke about Sophia and Cassandra made Adam’s blood boil, even if they are dead you don’t tell a grieving mother that finding her lost child is a waste of time and resources. He’s the definition of a douchebag. 

As if he could sense Adam was thinking about him Shane appeared carrying their bag of guns and was heading towards the others, who were sat in their makeshift camp. He watched as Shane started to hand out guns to some of the others, they all looked confused and conflicted. But as soon as they saw Rick, Hershel and Jimmy appear from the woods any conflict they were feeling vanished and they knew what they had to do. 

“Jesus Christ” Adam mutters to himself as the three men start to walk towards him and the barn with two walkers at the end of some animal control sticks. 

“The hell is this?!” Shane shouts as him and the rest of the group reach the barn. 

Adam places his head in his hands and tries to block out Shane’s mad ramblings. He was getting really sick of this group's bullshit. If Cassandra was dead he didn’t know if he was going to stick around with these people, he only needed a group because of Cassandra and her condition but if she wasn’t coming back why did he need to be here?

The sound of a gunshot pulls him from his thought, he looks over to see Shane had shot one of the walkers Hershel and Rick were leading. 

“No! Stop it!” Rick shouts at his best friend who was pacing like a mad man. 

“That's three rounds in the chest. Could someone who's alive, could they just take that?! Why is it still coming?” He shoots the walker again. “That's its heart, its lungs. Why is it still coming?” 

“Shane, enough!” Rick screams, struggling with the walker in his grip.

“Yeah, you're right, man. That is enough” He walks over to the barn entrance and turns to address the whole group. “Enough risking our lives for a little girl and a pregnant bitch who are gone!” 

If it wasn’t for Carol grabbing Adam’s arm he would have shot Shane in the head. Only he gets to call Cassandra a bitch. 

Shane continues his rambling not caring that Adam had just raised a gun on him. “Enough living next to a barn full of things that are trying to kill us. Enough. Rick, it ain't like it was before! Now if y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you gotta fight for it! I'm talking about fighting right here, right now” 

Shane runs to a pickaxe hanging next to the barn door and uses it to break the lock of the door. He moves back as the walkers start to stumble their way out. Adam pushes Carol behind him as he, Daryl, Andrea, T-Dog, Glenn and Shane start to shoot at the walkers.

Shane turns around and shoots the walker Rick’s holding, hoping that Rick would join the firing range but he doesn't; he just stands in front of his family, watching as Shane and the others kill their chances of staying here. 

It’s not long before all the walkers are dead. The group all look around at the carnage until a small groan brings their attention back to the barn doors. They all watch in horror as the small figure of Sophia emerges from the barn.

“Sophia!” Carol screams as she tries to run towards her daughter. Adam tries to grab her but Daryl is faster and he grabs the woman before they both fall to the ground. They all stand there frozen in shock as Sophia slowly makes her way towards the group, nobody wants to be the one to end the poor girl's life. 

Rick steps forward and it’s clear to everyone that he’s once again chosen to do what’s hard, so no one else has to carry that burden. He pauses briefly in front of her before he pulls the trigger and Sophia falls to the ground. The cry that escapes Carol is earth-shattering. Pure agony. 

Once Sophia is dead, Carol pushes Daryl off of her and runs off into the RV. Adam catches Daryl’s eyes and he knows they are thinking the same thing, Sophia was the only one they had any leads on and she was here in the barn the whole time, things were looking even worse now for Cassandra. She wasn’t one of the corpses in the barn but that didn’t mean she wasn’t a walking corpse somewhere else.

Daryl nods his head in the direction of the RV and signals to Adam that he’ll deal with Carol if Adam stays and keeps Sophia's body safe. Adam ignores Shane’s loud shouts and walks into the barn emerging a few seconds later carrying a horse blanket to cover Sophia’s body with. He gently lifts the girl and places her down on the blanket, as her body touches the ground again a small object falls from her back pocket. Adam picks it up and puts it in his pocket, making a mental note to give it to Carol. As he starts to wrap Sophia’s body Andrea walks over to him and places a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“She’s not here. She could still be out there. We could start looking for her after the funeral?” Andrea suggests trying to give Adam some form of hope but it was pointless, he had already given up. 

“Yeah” Was all he mumbled before he wandered off towards the RV, leaving Andrea, T-Dog, Lori and Jimmy to deal with the dead. He didn't have it in him to deal with this crap right now.

The atmosphere in the RV was almost suffocating. Carol was sitting in one of the table seats, staring blankly out of the window. Daryl was sitting on the counter watching over her in silence. They both turn as the door opens and Adam walks in. He gives Carol a weak smile before collapsing into the seat next to her and pulling her into him, she rests her head on his shoulder but keeps her eyes on the view out of the window. 

As the three of them sit and grief in silence Adam pulls out the objects he found on Sohipa’s body and places it on the table. As soon as Carol’s eyes land on the small frog her body is wracked with sobs. The men stay quiet as they watch the mother fall to pieces in front of them over a stupid fake frog. Daryl catches Adam’s eye and both of them look at each other confused, they had no idea why this frog was bringing out so much emotion from Carol. 

Adam rubs soothing circles on Carol's back as her tears slowly come to a stop. Carol takes the frog in her hands and runs a thumb over the frogs missing eye. She wipes at her eyes with her free hand before turning to address Adam. 

“Was this with her?” She asks, trying to keep her voice from cracking. 

“Yeah. What is it?” Adam asks gently. He didn't want to upset her again, but he was intrigued.

“Back on the highway, Cassandra had the kids do a scavenger hunt. This was Sohpia’s treasure” She hands the frog over to Adam, who looks over the object before giving it to Daryl. They both give Carol a genuine smile as she continues to talk.

“The smile on her face when Cassadrea said she could keep him” She wipes a tear that had slipped from her eye with her hand. “I hadn’t seen her smile like that in days” 

Before either male could comment, Lori walked into the RV with a sombre look on her face. “They're ready”

Daryl and Adam start to make their way out of the RV but Carol doesn't move, she stays in her seat and looks at the others like they were crazy for wanting to go. “Why?”

“Cause that's your little girl” Daryl says, trying not to get mad at the grieving mother but he couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t want to be there for her daughters final moments before she was gone forever. 

“That's not my little girl. That's some other thing. My Sophia was alone in the woods. All this time I thought... She didn't cry herself to sleep. She didn't go hungry. She didn't try to find her way back. Sophia died a long time ago” She wipes the tears from her cheeks before turning away and looking out of the window again. 

The three share worried looks before exiting the RV and heading over to where the funeral would be taking place. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

The funeral was as awful as you would expect, no one said anything. Everyone just stood there in awkward silence until Shane walked away giving the rest of the group permission to do the same. Adam noticed Daryl was the only one to head back to camp and decided to follow him, he had something he wanted to run by him anyway.

As Adam reached the camp he saw Daryl throwing his bags out of his tent, stopping every few seconds when his wound would start to pull.

“Are you going somewhere?” Adam asks as he stopped just outside of Daryl’s tent. 

“I ain't staying here with these people” Daryl growls as he throws the last of his belongings onto the ground. As he turns to face Adam he sees the look of desperation on his face and he knows he thinks Daryl’s going to leave and he’ll have no chance at finding Cassandra’s body.

“I ain’t leaving not till we find her. I’m gonna find her and bring her back so we can lay her to rest just like Sophia” Daryl reassures Adam before he starts to take down his tent.

“She could be anywhere” Adam huffs. He walks around the tent to the opposite side of Daryl and begins to help him take down the tent. 

“I promised ya I was gonna find her and I will” 

“When we find her, are you going to leave?” Adam asks.

“Got nothing keeping me here” Daryl shrugs. He no longer had his brother and the only person he gave a single shit about in this group was walking around dead in the woods.

“Would you take me with you?” Daryl looks over at Adam with wide eyes. He wasn’t expecting to hear Adam ask that. Why would anyone willingly go anywhere alone with him? He’s not very good company. “I’m not a huge fan of this group either, I was only sticking with them because of Cassandra. I knew I wouldn’t be able to protect her and the baby on my own”

Daryl watches as Adam harshly wipes his face. “Turns out I wasn’t able to keep them safe surrounded by people either” 

Adam was blaming himself for what happened to Cassandra and if Daryl was being honest he was blaming himself too. He was the one who left her alone on the highway. He wanted to stay with her and keep her safe but after Lori and Carol caught him kissing her he was too embarrassed to stay and needed to get as far away from the women as possible. 

If he wasn’t such a pussy he might have been able to keep her and Sophia safe but then T-Dog wouldn’t have made it. No matter what he would have chosen someone would have died on that highway. 

“It ain’t your fault” He signs before saying something that shocked both parties. “If you wanna come with me then I won’t stop ya” 

Adam gave him a grateful nod before they both went back to silently taking down the tent. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

The next day it was decided that Shane, Daryl and Andrea would all go into town and bring back Rick, Glenn and Hershel. Shane was against it yesterday but that was before Lori got into a car accident trying to get them herself. _(Who gets into a car crash when there are no other drivers on the road?)_ Shane being the asshole he was also shared with the group that Lori was pregnant which she obviously didn't want people to know as she hadn’t even told Carl the news yet. 

As Daryl was loading up their car with weapons, their missing group members came driving through the gate. Rick quickly exits the car and opens his arms for Carl who was running at him. Lori was close behind and soon joined her husband and son in an embrace. Maggie also came running over but instead of running into the open arms of her father she ran to Glenn _(That’s got to hurt)_

Hershel, ignoring the looks of pity everyone was sending him, walked towards his house calling for Patricia “Prepare the shed for surgery!”

“Who the hell is that?” T-Dog shouts as he looks through the window of the car.

“That’s Randall” Glenn nonchalantly says, like he hadn’t just brought a stranger into their safe haven. 

Before anyone could ask any questions about the new _‘member’_ Rick quickly ushered everyone into the house and explained what happened in town. Almost everyone was in a state of shock, most of them hadn’t even thought about how dangerous other people could be now. Shane, however, hadn’t been shocked into silence.

“Why did you bring him back here? He shot at you, he’s clearly dangerous!” Shane shouts as he paces in front of Rick. 

“We couldn’t leave him there” Rick says as he grabs his friend's arm and tries to calm him down.

“Why not?!” Shane growls as he stops, entering Rick’s personal space. 

Rick and Glenn share a nervous look. Which put everyone on edge, they were hiding something.

“Rick?” Lori lightly pushed her husband for an answer. Rick looks into his wife’s fearful eyes before nodding his head at Glenn who quickly jumps to his feet and grabs an unfamiliar backpack that was placed slightly off to the side.

He places the backpack on the table and unzips it, he goes to pull something out but pauses to look around the group. He catches Rick’s eye who just nods his head at Glenn and steps forward.

“The men he was with, the men we ran into at the bar were looking for someone. Apparently, someone killed a member of their group the previous night and they were out for revenge. We didn’t really think anything of it until we searched through their bags and found something Glenn recognised” Rick explains as Glenn looks for the items that he wanted everyone to see.

Everyone gathers around the table as he pulls out the first item, a grey t-shirt with a weird logo printed on the front. The group look at each other confused until Glenn pulls out the next item and Adam turns as white as a ghost.

“These are the jeans I got for Cassandra” Glenn informs the group as he holds the pair of maturity jeans Cassandra was wearing the day she went missing.

“How do you know they belong to her? This guy could have just picked them up for his pregnant wife or something” Shane argues, not convinced that the girl who everybody agrees is dead is now suddenly alive because Glenn found a pair of jeans in some douchebags stuff. 

Glenn pulls out a pair of women’s combat boots and gently places them on the table next to the pair of jeans. 

“These are hers too, right?” He asks Adam, who just wordlessly nods his head. 

“What else you got in there?” Daryl asks as he pushes his way to the front of the group. A pair of boots and jeans weren’t convincing him Cassandra was alive. He wouldn’t let himself believe that till he had hard proof. 

“There’s this note that I can’t read its complete nonsense and he had this knife on him” Glenn places the note and knife on the table not sure how they would help. 

“That’s her knife” Daryl states as he grabs the knife from the table and looks it over in his hands making sure it was definitely the same knife. It was. “I gave it to her on the highway” 

“Can...can I see that note” Adam weakly asks from Daryl’s side. Daryl hands it over to him and watches as Adam reads the note with tears in his eyes after he is done he hands the note back to Daryl and walks into the kitchen. The others watch him leave in confusion but no one stops him. 

Daryl takes a moment to read the note:

**_Ybyk,_ **

**_Amsnb’r qryw. Fyb rm kmtc ml. Ncmnjc dmjjmugle._ **

**_LMR DPGCLBJW!!!_ **

**_Fcybgle Smstf-Cyqr. Amkc dglb kc._ **

**_K jmtc wms._ **

Glenn was right, the note was unreadable. 

“It’s just a bunch of random letters” Daryl mumbles as some of the others lean over his shoulder and also try to read the note. 

“It’s a code” Adam tells them as he enters the room with a piece of paper and a pen in hand. He removes the note of Daryl grasp and takes a seat at the table and starts to decipher the note. 

A few tense minutes later the note was readable, as Adam read the note he couldn’t stop the tears from falling. “God I love this girl” He mumbles. 

“What does it say?” Glenn questions.

“Adam, Couldn’t stay. Had to move on. People following. NOT FRIENDLY!!! Heading South-East. Come find me. I love you. C” Adam reads. 

Rick turns to Maggie and Beth. “What’s South-East from here?” 

But before either woman could answer Daryl cuts in. “She was heading in that direction from wherever that note was left, if we don’t know where she started it doesn’t help us much”

The group all start to shout out their ideas on how they could find Cassandra until Beth’s small voice cuts through. “I think I know where she could have been” 

“What?” Daryl asks at the same time that Adam asked. “How?”

Beth steps forward and stops in front of the table. “That shirt belonged to one of my friends. It’s the logo of her boyfriend’s band” She picks the shirt up and smiles. “She made the whole band and herself one last year for Christmas”

“How do you know it’s her’s and not one of the other members?” Shane angry huffs at the poor girl. 

“They were all dudes and this is a woman’s shirt” Beth sasses, not caring that the angry man was now sending her daggers from his spot. She wanted to help find this pregnant lady.

Daryl stepped closer to Beth. “Where did this girl live?” 

“I’ll get the map and show you” She smiles at him sweetly before rushing off to find a map. 

“Are we really going to go searching in the woods for ghosts again?!” Shane shouts, angrily rubbing his shaved head. 

“We have proof she’s alive” Adam rolls his eyes at Shane who just smirks at him like he knew something Adam didn’t.

“We have proof she was alive two days ago” He chuckles, humorlessly. “Am I the only one thinking clearly here? She had a whole group of men chasing her and by the look of things she’s not dressed for survival” He looks pointedly down at the clothing on the table. 

Nobody wanted to say it out loud but they all thought they had a pretty good idea on what could have happened to Cassandra and why she would be forced to kill someone. The thought alone was enough to make the women shiver in fear and make the men's blood boil. 

“None of ya are doing anything” Daryl states as he grabs the map from Beth’s hands. He gives the girl a grateful nod as he looks at the area Beth had circled in red pen.

“What?” Glenn asks, confused.

“I’m going” Daryl grabs his Crossbow and puts it on his back. “It’ll be quicker on my own”

Adam goes to argue but stops once he realises that Daryl’s right. It would be slower with more people going and Cassandra might not have that kind of time. He takes a deep breath before walking up to Daryl and hesitantly places a hand on his shoulder. “Just bring her back” 

Daryl pats Adam’s hand before turning around and heading out of the house to start his search for Cassandra. He was going to keep his promise. He was going to find her.

«---------------------------------------------CASSANDRA---------------------------------------------------------------»

It’s so cold. My body was starting to shut down as the minutes ticked by. I couldn’t move, any energy I had was being spent on keeping my body alive. My body was screaming at me to close my eyes and sleep but I knew if I gave in to that urge I might not open them again. 

I was dying. I could feel it. Every breath I took was harder than the last and my heartbeat was so slow I could barely feel it. I let my eyes close for a second but quickly open them again when I hear someone walking around above me? How is someone above me? 

I look around me and I’m no longer in the shed, I was in my family’s storm cellar. I looked down at myself and saw that I was no longer pregnant or in my underwear. I was wearing a pair of night shorts and a tank top which was covered in the spaghetti sauce I was in the middle of making for dinner before my mom got mad at me, dropped it on my head and dragged me down to our storm cellar.

I knew I was either in shock and seeing things or dead and was in hell, relieving my highlight reel. Either way, this was not going to be fun. This had to be my dying brain giving me one last _fuck you_ before it shut down like the rest of my body.

I listened as the footsteps from above got closer and closer until they came to a stop just outside the door. I waited with bated breath as the door slowly opened.

“Cassie? Are you in here?” I hear a quiet voice ask from the direction of the door. I look over and see my brother looking back at me. 

He doesn’t look like he did the last time I saw him. No, he’s younger, can't be more than five or six. Wearing his favourite pair of Spiderman PJs. “Joshy?” 

“We need to go before Mommy get’s back. Come on” He runs over to me. “We need to go” He grabs my hand and helps me to my feet. He pulls me towards the door and I follow, I knew I didn’t have much of a choice anyway this was just a memory I was trapped in. 

I stay silent as he leads us over to his playhouse at the far side of our yard. “Mommy’s mad at you” He tells me as he grabs a nearby bucket that was filled with rainwater.

He takes my hand again and pushes me to sit down on the ground under a tree. “She was talking about keeping you locked in there till school starts again” 

That would have been in four weeks, she wanted to keep me locked in that cellar for a month. 

“Why is she so mad?” He asks as he looks up at me with his sweet innocent eyes. He knew my mother was abusive towards me _(It’s not like she hid it from anyone. She would sometimes hit me in places she knew people would see just to show me that nobody cared)_ he just didn’t understand that most of the time I hadn’t done anything to warrant her punishments. To him there was a simple fix, don’t be bad. If I was a good girl my mom wouldn’t be able to hurt me anymore. If only it was that simple. 

I put my hands in the freezing water and started to wipe away the crusty pasta sauce that was coating my skin. “I don’t know” I sigh, with my mom it could have been anything. Only she really knew why I was being punished right now. I hadn’t done anything, I was just cooking dinner like she had told me to when she went crazy and started shouting at me. 

“You had to have done something” He thinks for a moment before coming up with what he thought the reason for my mother’s outburst could have been. “Did you take too long in the shower again?” 

My heart shatters as he asks me that. He thinks it’s normal for a parent to lock their child in a cold, dark hole for hours because she spent more than five minutes in the fucking shower. He was growing up thinking this shit was normal and that every household had one sibling that was the family's punching bag. 

I tuck one of his curls behind his ear. “Maybe that’s it” I give him a weak smile, trying to hide the tears that had started to form in my eyes. 

He didn’t seem to notice my emotional state as he was too excited about being right. “We should just go tell her that you’re sorry” 

“I don’t think that’s going to work, buddy” I rub my thumb over his cheek to try and give myself some comfort. 

“Why not?” He questions, completely puzzled by the whole thing. He rarely got into trouble but when he did a simple heartfelt apology and a wobbly bottom lip was all it took for my mother to forgive him. Unfortunately for me, I'm not her sweet baby boy so that act wouldn’t work for me. It didn't work when I was his age, it would usually just make her angrier and my punishment would be extended. 

“Mama doesn’t want an apology from me. We just need to give her time to cool down” I try to explain but he wasn’t having it.

“But that could take days. She’s really mad C” He sighs.

“I can wait”

He jumps to his feet and looks down at me defiantly. “No” 

“Joshy…”

“No, I’m going to tell her I let you go” Before I could stop him he was running as fast as his little legs could carry him towards our back porch, shouting for our mother. 

“Joshy wait!” I scream as I get to my feet and try to catch up with him. 

I kept shouting Joshua’s name as I ran after him, our backyard was big but as I was chasing after him it felt like I wasn’t making any progress and I was just running in an endless loop. Maybe, this was my mind trying to stop me from getting any further into this memory. We both knew what was coming up next and either of us wanted to relive it. 

Just as I was starting to think I was never going to catch up to Joshua, he came into view a few paces away from the stairs of our back porch. “Joshua!” He turns around to face me with a smile on his face. “Joshua stop!”

I ran over to him and grabbed him by his arm. “You can’t tell her!” As I try to pull him away from the porch our mother walks out followed closely by our siblings and Dominic. 

“Don’t say anything” I whisper to Joshua as I push him behind me, shielding him from my mother's rage with my body.

“What the hell is going on here?” She asks, looking at me with murderous rage in her eyes.

I was supposed to be locked up until she felt like I had been significantly punished but Josh had let me out early and now I wasn’t just worried about me but Josh too, he went against her wishes which never went well. 

“I let Cassie out” Joshua speaks from behind me. 

I internally wince. I had hoped he would have just kept his mouth shut and let me take the lead. But apparently, he had other ideas. Which left me quickly scrabbling to find an excuse to keep him out of my mother's crossfire.

“No he didn’t I got out all on my own it was all me. Joshua was hiding in his playhouse when he saw me. He had nothing to do with it” Was the trouble lie my frazzled brain came up with. 

“Is that true Joshua? Remember it's bad to lie” She coos to my brother as she descends the stairs and stops a little in front of me.

“I’m not lying, I helped her get out of the scary place” Joshua states, confidently as he moves out from behind me. 

“What’s my number one rule, Joshua?” She gently asks as she tries to take his hand in her’s. But he pulls away from her and comes to stand in front of me, trying to protect me from my mother with his much smaller body.

“To not help Cassandra when she’s being punished” He looks up at our mother with his signature puppy dog eyes. “But…” 

Unfortunately, for both of us, she was too angry for them to work. And she was quick to cut him off, not happy that he went against her rules. “She was being punished for a reason, honey. You can’t help her or she’ll never learn. She’ll think she can do whatever she wants because her brave little brother is going to come and save her” 

“I will save her” He moves closer to me and crosses his arms over his chest, he looks her dead in the eyes before making his second mistake of the night. “You’re being a big meany!” 

“What did you just say to me?” Our mom asked, anger flashing in her eyes. 

I had seen that look in her eyes enough to know that if I didn’t do something Joshua was in for a world of pain and I would die before I let her or anyone else touch a hair on his perfect little head.

“He didn’t mean it, right?” I say, looking down at Joshua with pleading eyes. “Joshy, tell her you didn’t mean it”

He ignores my pleading and chooses instead to make things so much worse. “But I did, she’s a mean butthead!”

“I'm a mean butthead, huh?” She asks in an unnervingly calm tone. I knew that tone all too well. Her being calm was usually worse than when she was angry. When she was angry she would get sloppy but when she was calm she had the mental capacity to come up with some scaring punishments. I would take one of her carless beating over anyone of those punishments in a heartbeat. 

Joshua being the sweet, naive child he was, didn't pick up on my mother’s change in tone and stupidly answered her rhetorical question. “The meanest”

“And why am I a mean butthead?” She softly asks tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear.

“Because you hurt my sister!” He screamed in her face, pushing her hand away from his face.

“I was punishing your sister and if you ask me she got off lightly, I was going to take a more direct approach” She slaps her hands together in front of his face and I flinch. “But I chose to cut her some slack tonight because I was feeling generous”

“You locked her up!” He shouts, trying to push her away from us with all his might.

She gives in and lets Joshua push her a little away from us. “You don’t think that was a fair punishment?” 

“No!” He screams again, his face turning red in anger. 

“Maybe you’re right I knew I should have gone with my original plan” Her eyes flick up to meet mine. My heart started to beat uncontrollably fast in my chest, I was used to her beatings but Joshua had never seen what she was capable of. I didn’t want to lose him like I had Micheal.

A few months ago Micheal had stolen some chips to give to me when my mother had locked me in my room for two days without food. When my mother found out she was furious and decided that we both had to be punished. I had to be punished for taking food I knew I wasn’t allowed and Micheal had to be shown that his actions have consequences. 

She made him watch as she beat me within an inch of my life. After that day he couldn’t look at me, if I tried to talk to him he would just leave the room. She had already taken one brother from me. I couldn't let her take Joshua too. 

“Don’t do this, please. Not in front of him. He’s just a kid” I beg, trying to hide the fear in my voice. I hated begging but for Joshua, I would do anything to keep him innocent and pure.

“Joshua, come here” She ignores me and holds her hand out from him to take. 

“No!” Joshua cries. He didn't know what was happening but the terrified look on my face made him think it wasn’t going to be anything good and he needed to protect me. He quickly threw himself into my arms and buried his face into my stomach, his tears soaking my shirt. 

“Don’t make me ask again” Our mother threatens. 

I gently lift his head up and make him look into my eyes, I give him as strong of a smile as I could at that moment. Hoping that it would somehow make him okay enough to leave me and do what our mother wanted him to do before she got too angry. “It’s okay just do whatever she says. I’m going to be fine. I promise you” 

I take his face in my hands and gently wipe his tears away with my thumbs. The look of anguish on his sweet face broke me more than anything, he was so worried about me and there was nothing I could do to stop what was about to happen. All I wanted to do was gather him into my arms and run us both as far away from here as I could but I knew from past experience that running doesn’t work, I always end up back here just in time for my daily beating. 

I didn’t try to stop the tears from falling from my eyes, I was about to lose the only person in this family who still cared about me. I had nothing left. 

I pulled him as close to me as I could get him and held him tight as we both let the tears fall. I softly ran my fingers through his hair, trying to give us both some comfort before the horrors began. “Thank you for saving me. It was really brave. I need you to be brave for me right now. Can you do that?” 

He weakly nods his head before squeaking out an “I love you” and burying his face back into my stomach. 

I tighten my grip on him and rest my face on the top of his head, wetting his hair with my tears. “I love you too, more than anything in this world or beyond” I reluctantly loosen my grip and pull him away from me, getting him to look at me again. “This _isn't_ your fault” I give him one last shaky smile before pushing him into my mother's arms. 

She looks over both of our tear-stained faces and gives me a satisfied smirk. “Your sister is getting punished because you spoke back, do you understand that?” Joshua nods before she grabs his chin with one of her hands and makes him look at her. “Good. You do that again and next time it won’t be me holding the belt” She spits at him before throwing him at his father. 

I kept my eyes on Joshua’s sobbing form as my mother stalks her way over to me with a disturbing smile on her face. She enjoyed what she was about to do and she didn’t even try to hide it. 

“Get on your knees” She demands as she slowly starts to remove her belt and walks behind me. I do as I’m told and fall to my knees, my eyes never leaving Joshua. Dominic is covering his face with his arms so he doesn’t have to watch and for once I found myself feeling respect for him. He wanted his son to see this as much as I did. I’m sure he’ll get an ear full from my mother about it later.

I let out a few whimpers of pain but I tried to keep myself as quiet as possible for Johsua’s sake, he might not be able to see what’s happening but he could definitely hear the sounds of the belt hitting my flesh repeatedly. 

I could feel more and more blood drip down my back with every hit. I tried so hard not to scream out in pain but as she hit a sensitive part of my back I let out a painful scream. As the hits intensified so did my screams until the pain was too much for my body to handle and I fell into the peaceful dark void.

«----------------------------------------------------GROUP--------------------------------------------------------------»

The house that Beth had circled on the map was barely a ten-minute walk from the Greene’s farm. She was so close and yet no one had found any sign of her. Daryl had only been walking for a few minutes when he heard what sounded like muffled talking. He crouched down low and cautiously headed in the direction of the voice. He knew a dangerous group was in the area and didn’t want to be caught out because he ran in without thinking.

As he got closer the voice he was following became clearer and for a moment he thought his mind was playing tricks on him but as he looked over the bush he was hiding in he saw her. She was right here in front of him. 

Without thinking he jumps out of his hiding position, he knew this could be a trap and it was a stupid move on his part but he needed to get to Cassandra. _(He could chastise himself later when she was safe)_

His eyes were automatically drawn to the scars on her back. He had a little peek at them back at the CDC but they were mostly hidden and he knew it would have been wrong to look at the rest of them without her permission, he wouldn’t want anyone doing that to him. Her back looked worse than he thought it would, he tried to gauge how bad her scars were when they were being intimate but he was a little distracted. Looking at them now he had no idea how she could be comfortable enough with him to let him touch her back at all. She was a stronger person then he was. 

Once he managed to pull his eyes away from the road map of her abuse he noticed her hands and forearms were covered in dried blood. He slowly circled her and finally took in the rest of her appearance. Her face and chest were also covered in blood, but as far as Daryl could tell none of it seemed to belong to her. She was in nothing but her underwear and was shaking like a leaf, her lips and the tips of her fingers _(That he could see through the blood)_ were turning blue. There was some barbed wire wrapped around one of her wrists, the skin under it looked red and angry. But what made Daryl’s blood boil the most was the hickey on her neck and the bruises in the shapes of fingerprints on her hips, that guy was lucky he was dead or Daryl would have made him suffer until he was begging to be put down. 

As Daryl was checking her over for injuries she did something he wasn’t expecting. She reached her hand up and gently rubbed her thumb over his cheek.

“I don't think that’s going to work, buddy” Daryl looked down at her confused but the faraway look in her teary eyes told him everything he needed to know.

He had seen that same faraway look on his brother’s face every time he would have a bad trip. She was here physically but mentally she was somewhere else entirely. Daryl wanted to reach out and grab her hand that was rubbing his face but after the third time his brother gave him a black eye he knew the person in this state could touch you but if you touched them they can get violent. 

It was best to let them work it out themselves, even if all Daryl wanted to do was scoop her into his arms and carry her to safety. Not being able to touch her was going to make getting her back to the farm a lot harder, it’s not like he could herd her in that direction like a sheep… or could he? It would be difficult but they weren’t that far out for the farm as it was and daylight was on their side. 

As she continues to have a one-sided conversation with herself Daryl steps back and tries to figure out how he could move her without touching her. He had a thought that was either extremely smart or completely stupid, now that she had brought him into her delusion maybe he could lead her. To test his theory he slowly circles her, her body follows his movements. He stopped once she was in the direction he needed her to go and was about to start walking to see if she would follow him again but before he could a look of horror morphed onto her face and she was off running into the woods shouting for her brother. 

“Shit” Daryl muttered as he ran after her, for someone who looked like they were near death and pregnant she was impossibly quick on her feet. 

He was barely keeping up with her but thankfully she was running in the direction he needed her to go so he wasn’t going to complain. She was heading towards Herschel who would surely know how to bring her out of this.

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

Carl was sitting on the picnic table doing some stupid math questions his mother had set him shortly after his dad got back, he wasn’t allowed to be at the meeting and was banished to the outside. But that didn’t stop him from listening in, he heard everything. His dad, Glenn and Herschel ran into some bad men who were apparently looking for Cassandra because she killed one of them and now Daryl was out looking in the area she was last seen hoping that he would either find her or be able to pick up her trail. 

He hoped that Daryl could find her, he had already lost one of his friends and he didn’t want to lose Cassandra too. She was one of the coolest adults in the group and he liked her, the camp had been so boring without her.

He was so focused on his math problems he barely even noticed the shouting coming from somewhere around him until a hand grabbed his arm pulling him from his seat. 

He looked at the mystery person who was pulling him away from the table and almost cried out in happiness, Cassandra was here and alive, but something was wrong. She wasn’t dressed, was covered in blood and looked scared of something. 

“You can’t tell her!” She screamed at him as she continued to try and pull him away. 

“Carl!?” Lori shouts as she rushes out of the house and notices her son being dragged by a crazed looking Cassandra. 

“I’m okay mom!” Carl shouts as Cassandra tries to push him behind her, hiding him from the view of the other group members.

“Don’t say anything” Cassandra whispers to Carl. He looked up at her confused, she wasn’t acting okay and Carl was scared for her. 

Rick and Shane rush down the stairs but stop just before they reach Cassansrea and Carl. 

“Cassandra you need to let him go” Rick says but Cassandra just looks right through him and continues to talk to herself. 

“I let Cassie out” She says, keeping her eyes locked on Lori.

Rick begins to try and reach out to her but stops when he hears Daryl shout at him to stop. 

“Don’t touch her!” Daryl shouts as he rushes over to the group. “She ain’t going to hurt him, she thinks he’s her brother. Her wires are all crossed” 

As if she knew Daryl needed proof that she thought Carl was her brother Cassasrea started to talk again. “No, he didn't. I got out all on my own, it was all me. Joshua was hiding in his playhouse when he saw me. He had nothing to do with it” She looks over to Lori with worried eyes. 

Daryl followed Cassandra’s eye line and saw her staring at Lori and put two and two together and figured out Lori must be acting as the stand-in for Cass’s mother. “Hey, get down here!” He gestures for Lori to join him, Rick and Shane at the picnic table. 

Lori quickly runs down the stairs, wanting to make sure her son was safe. “It’s okay Carl you’re safe” 

“I know mom she’s not going to hurt me she’s just not feeling well” Carl says as Cassandra moves him out to the side of her. 

“I’m not lying, I helped her get out of the scary place” The four adults all exchange worried looks, whatever memory Cassandra was stuck in, didn’t sound like a good one. 

“Oh my god!” Carol shrinks as she catches a glimpse of Cassandra’s scarred back. The only people at camp who knew about Cassandra’s past were Adam and Daryl but now everybody was getting a front-row seat.

“We need to do something” Glenn pressed as Cassandra continued to talk. 

“Daddy?” Maggie pleaded, hoping her father had a way of helping the poor woman in front of her.

“We’ve just got to let it run its course” Herschel sighs. “I’m sorry” 

“Can’t you…” Maggie gets cut off by Cassandra screaming in Lori’s face. 

“I will save her! You’re being a big meany!” They all watch in horror and shock as she starts to argue with herself changing between the characters effortlessly. 

“And why am I a mean butthead? Because you hurt my sister! I was punishing your sister and if you ask me she got off lightly, I was going to take a more direct approach” Cassandra claps her hands in front of her then flinches at the sound.

“Dude, can’t you do anything?” T-Dog asks as Adam slumps down onto the stairs.

“Nope” Was all Adam said as he silently watched his best friend relive her trauma. He had seen her go through this plenty of times and it never got easier. 

“Don’t do this, please. Not in front of him. He’s just a kid” Cassandra begs, tears forming in her eyes. Lori had never seen someone look so scared and broken before. What kind of mother would beat their own child in front of the other. This was a level of abuse she didn’t know existed. 

“We have to help her” She pleaded with her husband as she watched the younger woman pull Carl into her and hold him tight to her. 

“I’ve got you” Carl says as he tightens his grip on Cassandra hoping that she would hear him wherever she was. 

As she lifted his head up and smiled at him Carl thought that maybe his words did reach her but she still had that look in her eyes that told him she still wasn’t here. 

“It’s okay just do whatever she says. I’m going to be fine. I promise you” She gently grabs Carl’s face in her hands and rubs at his cheeks before pulling him back into her. 

“I’m right here” Carl reassures her as he hears her start to cry above him. The adults all watch on as the young boy tries to comfort the crying woman even though she can’t hear him. It warmed their hearts. 

Cassandra began to softly run her fingers through Carl’s hair. “Thank you for saving me. It was really brave. I need you to be brave for me right now. Can you do that?” She tightens her grip on him before resting her face on the top of his head and crying harder. “I love you too, more than anything in this world or beyond” 

She pulls him away from her and holds him at arm's length. “This isn’t your fault” 

Carl’s eyes widen as Cassandra’s face morphs from one of sadness to one of anger. “Your sister is getting punished because you spoke back, do you understand that?” He freezes as Cassandra roughly grabs his face with one of her hands. “Good. You do that again and next time it won’t be me holding the belt” She spits at him before pushing him into his worried mother's arms. 

Once Carl is safely in her arms Lori quickly leads them both away, back to the rest of the group. They all watch in dread as Cassasra falls to her knees and starts to unravel the wire from her wrist, none of them could have predicted what she did next.

Once the barbed wire was off of her wrist she straightened it out before wiping herself with it. 

“Shit!” Adam yells as he flies down the stairs. 

“What do we do?” Rick asks as Adam reaches the men. 

“We can’t do anything! We can’t touch her!” Adam cries. He didn’t know how to help her; she had never actually hurt herself in one of her breaks before. This was a first and he was worried she wouldn’t stop until she was dead. 

They all watch in horror as Cassandra continues to hurt herself more with the wire, her pained screams filled the air. The sight in front of them was sickening, her back was a mess of blood and torn flesh. It was like they were in their very own snuff film.

Shane jumps back as some of Cassandra’s blood lands on his shoes. He didn’t like the girl but even, he was finding it hard to just sit back and watch, he surprisingly wanted to help her. “Maybe we should…”

Before he could voice his suggestion Cassandra let out one last pitiful scream then fell to the ground unconscious. As soon as her body hit the ground Herschel sprung into action. 

“One of you pick her up and bring her upstairs! Hurry!” He shouts as he and Patricia rush into the house.

Rick steps forward but Adam places a hand on his chest to stop him. “I’ve got her” He says as he gently lifts her into his arms, being mindful of her injuries. As soon as she was safely in his arms he swiftly walked them into the house and up the stairs to the room where Herschel and Patricia were waiting for him. 

“Place her on her side on the bed” Herschel says as Adam walks into the room. 

Adam does as he was told then moves out of the room, leaving Herschel to work his magic in peace. 

“How is she?” Rick inquires as Adam exits the room. 

“I don’t know” Adam murmurs as he slides down the walk to the ground. 

Carol takes the seat next to him and pulls him into her side. “She’s alive that’s all that matters” 

Adam nods his head weakly as he wipes the tears from his eyes. All of the group gather in the cramped hallway waiting patiently for any news on their members' condition. They didn’t care that they were all packed in tight, they weren’t leaving until they knew she was alive. 

Twenty long minutes went by before Herschel opened the door, wiping the blood from his hands with a wet cloth. Thirteen sets of worried eyes met him as he stepped out of the room closing the door behind him. “I’ve stitched up the damage to her back. She’s hypothermic, dehydrated and exhausted. If her condition is anything to go on she’s had a hard few days” 

Daryl clears his throat before asking Hershel the question that was on everyone’s mind. “She had bruises on her hips…” Daryl didn’t want to know the answer, he was pretty sure none of them did but they needed to know. 

“I found no signs of rape” Herschel reassures the group, who all collectively breath a sigh of relief. At least that was one less trauma she would have to deal with when she woke up.

“I’ve got Patricia cleaning her up now” He turns to his daughter. “Bethy could you find some loose clothing that might fit Cassandra please” 

Beth gives her father a sweet smile before rushing off with Jimmy in tow to find what her father had requested. 

“She’ll be out for a while but I would recommend we have someone watch over her”

Rick steps forward looking concerned. “You think she could be dangerous?” 

“There’s no way of telling” Herschel shakes his head and turns to address Adam. “Has she ever had an episode like this before?”

“No” Adam takes a deep breath to calm himself down, he was emotionally exhausted and felt like he could sleep for days. “She usually only gets them after she has a nightmare but that’s mainly just her muttering to herself and staring into space. She’s never done anything like this before” 

Herschel nods, he had his theories on why Cassandra had done what she did. “I would guess that the recent events caused her episode to intensify. Which lead to her acting out what she was seeing in her head” 

“So she’s crazy?” Shane snaps. If she was crazy then she was dangerous and he wasn’t going to let her anywhere near his family. 

“No, she’s dealing with trauma. This could have happened to anyone, including you” Herschel angry snaps back at the insensitive man. The girl had clearly been through a lot and Shane didn’t seem to care at all.

“I’ll sit with her” Adam volunteers, disappearing into the room before anyone could argue with him. 

His breath hitched in his throat as he looked at his best friend. She was so pale that she could have easily been mistaken for dead. He hesitantly walked over to the bed and laid down next to her, gently tucking her hair behind her ear. 

Patricia gave him a warm smile before exiting the room with the bloody medical equipment in hand. A few seconds after she leaves Adam hears the door open again and watches as Daryl enters the room and sits down in the armchair next to the bed. 

Both men share a look, they both thought she was dead. They had both given up on her, if they had tried harder to find her then maybe this wouldn’t have happened. The guilt was eating both of them inside. She suffered because they were selfish and wanted to believe she was dead because it was easier for them. They were going to make up for that by not leaving her side until she was back on her feet and making both of their lives interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t hate me for putting our girl through all of this pain in the last few chapters I promise it’ll start getting better for her now she’s surrounded by people who love her. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this long-ass chapter! (sorry I got carried away) If you did please leave me a comment I love reading them. Ali xx


	12. You Shouldn't Play With Knives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra has another episode and the group have to pull her out of it before it’s too late and she does something unimaginable.

Three days had passed since Cassandra was found and brought back to the farm. She had yet to wake up but Herschel was quick to squash any worries the group had. Her body needed to heal and it was easier if she was asleep. 

At Herschel’s request, someone was constantly at her bedside. Almost everyone volunteered but after a lengthy discussion, the group decided that only the males were to be left alone with Cassandra. They still didn’t know what state of mind she was going to be in when she woke up and no one wanted to take any chances, the men would have an easier time restraining her if it came to that.

They were each supposed to take a four-hour block but Adam and Daryl had taken it upon themselves to do the main chunk of it. Adam hadn’t left Cassandra’s side for more than a few minutes since she got back and Daryl only left when he was needed to watch over their prisoner Randell or the group needed him to go out hunting.

Some of the group voiced their concerns about Adam spending all of his time in that one room, it wasn’t healthy. Those concerns lead to the group having a small _‘intervention’_ on Adam’s behalf. He was to be kept away from the room by the women who were in charge of making sure neither he nor Daryl set foot in the house till morning, they both needed some decent sleep which they wouldn’t get cooped up in that emotionally heavy room. 

Rick had to practically drag Adam out after dinner so that Glenn could take his shift. Glenn was scheduled to stay with her from seven til midnight then T-Dog would take over and stay there till sunrise. Adam wasn’t happy with the new schedule but his protests were quickly put to a stop by Carol and Lori as soon as Rick delivered him to them. The women would let him back into the house as soon as he got what they deemed to be an adequate amount of sleep. 

It was around five in the morning and T-Dog was struggling to keep his eyes open, turns out watching someone not move for hours isn’t that mentally stimulating. He had no idea how Adam had sat in this depressing room for as long as he had. 

T-Dog knew he shouldn’t but he let his eyes close. He thought it would be fine, Cassandra hadn’t moved an inch in days and he was sure him resting his eyes for a few minutes wasn’t going to change that. unfortunately, for T-Dog the universe liked to fuck with people and thirty minutes into his _‘nap’_ Cassandra started to stir. 

It took a few minutes before her eyes fluttered open, once she was fully conscious she took in her surroundings. The only light source was coming from a candle on the nightstand next to her and it was only illuminating the bed and a small portion of the room. She didn’t recognise the room or the bed she was laying in and had no memory of falling asleep in. There was a sleeping figure slumped in a chair off to the side of the room, the darkness was making it impossible to see any details but from the quiet snores coming from that direction, she knew it had to be a male. 

At the notion of being trapped alone in a room with a strange male, Cassandra’s heart started to race as fear began to set into her bones. She didn’t know if she was strong enough to fight back this time, or if she even wanted to. Maybe it would be easier to just let this guy kill her, the struggle to survive was tiring her out. 

She shook that thought from her head. What the hell was she thinking? She wasn’t giving up. No, she was getting the hell out of here and finding the people she loves. She slowly pulls the covers away from her body but pauses when she sees her outfit. She was wearing clothes, a pristine white tank top which hung loosely on her body and the grey joggers she wore were tucked into the bright pink fluffy socks that covered her feet. 

This confused her, why would this mystery man dress her? Was it a trick to get her to trust him? _‘I covered your modesty, would I do that if I was planning on hurting you?’_ Cassandra wasn’t stupid enough to believe this guy had helped her out of the kindness of his heart. Nothing is ever free and that’s especially true in this new world. 

Cassandra pulled herself out of bed. She wasn’t going to wait around to find out what this guy wanted as payment for saving her life, giving her clothes and lodging. She quietly made her way out of the room, breathing out a sigh of relief when none of the floorboards creaked under her weight. She got to the bottom of the stairs without issue and was almost out of the front door when a familiar voice called for her, she slowly turned and saw her mother standing in the doorway that leads to what looked like the kitchen. 

She was wearing a beautiful black cocktail dress that rested just above her knees, her hair was placed into a flawless updo, not a single hair was out of place and the small amount of makeup she wore was used to highlight her natural beauty. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” She asks, putting a hand on her hip. “You’re on kitchen duty” She rolls her eyes before disappearing around the corner. 

Cassandra was frozen in shock, just staring at the doorway her mother had just disappeared through. Oh God, she was losing her mind. She wasn’t real, there was no way her mother could be here right now. But that didn’t stop Cassandra from running into the room like the obedient little girl she was when her mother angrily shouted for her. 

Even if her mother wasn’t really here, the fear she had instilled into Cassandra made it impossible for her not to follow her mother’s booming voice. The dread of getting a potential beating was making Cassandra’s feet move whether she wanted them to or not. 

As Cassandra entered the kitchen her breath hitched in her throat, she was standing in her family's kitchen. Her mother was standing next to the kitchen island, chopping away at some carrots. 

“Help me chop” Her mother gestures to the other knife next to her. “The guests will be here soon”

Cassandra walks over to her mother’s side and picks up the knife.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Joanna asks as she drops some of her chopped carrots into a bowl. “What happened to the dress I bought for you? The turquoise one?”

“I… I don’t know” Cassandra stutters out as she timidly cuts the top and bottom off of the onion she had on her chopping board. 

Joanna pitches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head. Cassandra holds her breath as she waits for her mother’s rage but it never comes. Instead, her mother just sighs heavily before turning to face her. 

“Doesn’t matter, looks like you wouldn’t be able to fit into it anyway” She looks pointedly down at Cassandra’s bump. “You’ve gotten fat”

“I’m pregnant” Cassandra blurts, instantly wincing as the words leave her mouth. 

The room falls into a tense silence until Joanna’s biter laughs fill the air. She starts to angrily pace the room with the knife in her hand, making Cassandra tense every time she would pass by her. 

Eventually, Joanna stops pacing and returns to her place. “So, who’s responsible for making the little monstrosity?” She gestures to Casandra’s stomach with the knife in her hand.

“It doesn’t matter” Cassandra feebly shook her head, not lifting her eyes from the vegetable she was dicing. 

Joanna shrugs. “No, I guess it doesn’t. He’s probably dead, but the parasite in your belly is still very much alive” She pokes her finger harshly into Cassandra’s stomach, repeatedly. “I thought you wanted to get rid of it?”

“I tried” Cassandra stresses, finally turning to face her mother. She had tried it wasn’t her fault the world ended before she could finish the job. 

“Clearly not hard enough” Joanna stabs the knife into the chopping board causing Cassandra to flinch. Her eyes never leave her daughter's stomach, it looked like she was trying to burn the parisite out of Cassandra with her heated gaze. 

“Do you know what happens when people leave a parasite unchecked for too long?” Cassandra shook her head. 

Joanna picks up her knife again and starts to spin it in her hands, with a disturbing smirk on her face. “It grows and grows until the only way to get rid of it is to have it surgically removed”

“All it would take it one little cut” She pretends to cut Cassandra’s stomach. “And this demon spawn would be nothing more than an awful memory” 

“You want to cut it out of me?” Cassandra pales at the thought, this was exactly what Adam was worried she would do. Subconsciously, Cassandra’s arms wrapped around her stomach. She might not want the thing but hurting it was something she wasn’t comfortable with. 

“It would be the humane thing to do” Her mother shrugged, like offering to cut your grandchild out of your daughter was the most normal thing in the world. 

“What do you think is going to happen when this baby is born with you resenting it like you are?” Joanna asks as she rubs a part of Cassandra’s arm that was acting as a barrier between her and her target. “You’re going to turn into me. I hated you since before you were born, you were the bane of my life, and I showed you that every day of your life. You think you’re not going to be the same?” 

Joanna slowly unwrapped Cassandra’s arms from her stomach as tears sprung from Cassandra’s eyes, her mother's words hitting her right in the gut. It was what she feared the most, turning into her mother, making her own child feel unloved because she didn’t want it. No child should ever grow up thinking they aren’t loved but Cassandra didn’t have it in her to feel any affection towards this baby. This baby was a constant reminder of an event Cassandra wanted to forget about, she was in a bad place and wasn’t thinking straight. 

“You already are” Joanna gently rubs her hand over Cassandra’s stomach. “This baby is innocent just like you were but like me, you’re blaming it for your own mistakes” She wipes a tear from Cassandra’s cheek. “You know I’m right Cassandra. Let me help you not become me” 

Cassandra looked into her mother’s eyes. She’s fingered out that this was just the form her subconscious had taken, it was easier to accept her true feelings when it was coming from the woman she hated. She could just blame it on her mother and not herself, it was her mother who wanted to get rid of the baby, not her. Joanna gives her a warm smile as Cassandra’s eyes linger on the knife Joanna held tightly in her hand.

The group all rush into the kitchen. Maggie had come down to get a glass of water and saw Cassandra talking to herself again, she quickly ran to the door and shouted for the others to come into the house before handing into her father's room. 

The group all stood there in shock as they watched Cassandra pull the knife from the side of her stomach. The knife was coated in blood, some of which dripped onto the floor. The white tank top she was wearing now had a red spot that was slowly growing.

Herschel cautiously stepped forward, they had to do something before she cut closer to the baby. “Cassandra put the knife down” Cassandra’s frantic eyes snap to him as the words leave his mouth. 

He gives her a reassuring smile and takes a few more steps closer, Rick tries to stop him but Herschel waves him off. “It’s okay honey, you’re safe. I just need you to put the knife down, can you do that for me?”

“Who are you?” Cassandra asks as she points the knife in Herschel’s direction. Her hands were shaking and she looked terrified. 

He looked down at the bloody knife before looking the scared woman back in the eyes. “I’m Herschel Greene” He greets her, warmly. He knew she had a traumatic encounter with strange men a few days earlier and was trying to show her that he was no threat and was just trying to help. 

“It doesn’t matter who he is, let’s finish it” Was Cassandra’s response before she turned the knife on herself. Herschel’s eyes widened but he didn’t move, he could see the conflicted look on her face and knew she wasn’t the one who wanted to hurt the baby. Whoever was pulling the strings in Cassandra’s brain right now was the one who wanted that baby out of her.

“Stop!” She screamed as she used her other hand to push the knife away from her stomach. “I don’t want this”

Everyone watched as her face morphed into one of pure fury, the look set their nervous of fire, this wasn’t good. They all wanted to run over there and grab the knife out of her hand but they were powerless and doing that could do more harm than good. 

“After what he did do you really want to have his baby? If you have this baby you’re letting HIM WIN!” Cassandra yelled turning red with anger for a brief moment before a sob escaped her lips and a waterfall of tears fell from her eyes. 

Herschel took this opportunity to bring her attention back to him. “Cassandra, look at me”

As puffy, red eyes met him he took another step forward. He felt confident that she wouldn’t hurt him, she was just scared and didn’t know what was going on. “I don’t know what you’re seeing right now but it’s not real. You’re on my family’s farm, you’re...” 

“That’s a lie” Cassandra cuts him off, she didn’t believe him. She was standing in her family’s kitchen standing next to her mother who looked like she wanted to rip Cassandra’s head off of her shoulders. Not in some random old man’s house. 

“It’s not, I promise you it’s not” He tried to reassure her but he could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t believe him. 

He needed to get her out of her own head but he didn’t know how to do that, he could tell her she was seeing things till he was blue in the face but someone experiencing a breakdown won’t believe it. She needed to be the one to put herself out, he just needed to think of a way to get her to see that she was seeing things.

He knew of a technique people used on people experiencing a panic attack and wondered if it would work in this situation too. It was worth a shot. “I can prove it to you. I need you to look around and tell me if you see anything that doesn’t belong. Can you do that for me?” 

Cassandra gave him a sceptical look and didn’t move from her spot. Just as Herschel was starting to think his method wasn’t going to work, Cassandra wiped her eyes with the palms of her hands and started to walk around the room.

The group all share hopeful glances as they watch her slowly explore the room, sometimes stopping and staring at things that weren’t there. A couple of stressful moments later, Cassandra stops next to one of the kitchen counters and cocks her head to the side. 

“That cookie jar” She says as she turns around to face Herschel. 

“The cookie jar?” He asks, walking to the counter where she had stopped. 

Cassandra nodded her head. “I’m not allowed treats so they were always locked up, mama wouldn’t have one of these out in the open where I could get to it”

Herschel turned to grab the jar. “Would you like one?” He offered, removing the lid and grabbing one of the cookies to give to her. “They’re freshly baked, my youngest daughter makes the best chocolate chip cookies you’ve ever tasted” 

Cassandra's eyes lit up when they landed on the tasty treat in Herschel’s hands, she looked like a child but the joy on her face only lasted a couple of seconds until it was replaced by the scared one she was more accustomed to. 

“I’m not allowed” She whispers, wrapping her arms around herself and lowering her head to the ground. 

Herschel clears his throat to distract from the look of pity that flashed across his face when he looked at the poor girl in front of him. He would have been brought to tears if he had seen this look on one of his daughter’s faces. This damaged girl didn’t need his pity; she needed his help. 

“This is my house you’re mother has no power here” He held the cookie under her head so she would be able to see it. “It’s rude not to accept a gift”

Cassandra looks up at him and apprehensively takes the cookie from his hand. Her eyes flick between the cookie and Herschel’s eyes, it looked like she was waiting for him to take the cookie off of her and tell her this was all a big trick.

Herschel gave her an encouraging small and Cassandra took a small bite, a little smile appeared on her lips as she chewed. 

“Good huh?” Herschel asked, laughing slightly when she started to nod her head furiously. 

He put his hand back into the cookie jar and pulled out another chocolate chip cookie. “Would you like another?”

She looked at him with wide eyes as she wiped the crumbs from her mouth. “Can I?” 

He nodded his head at her. “You can have as many as you like but I’m going to need that knife”

He held out his hand and waited patiently for her to come to a decision. He could see the internal struggle she was having playing out on her face. She wanted another treat but didn’t know if she trusted Herschel yet. 

She took a deep breath before fearfully placing the knife in Herschel’s outstretched hand. He places it on the counter, out of the reach of Cassandra before turning back to her. 

“Thank you” He gave her a genuine smile which she shakily returned.

Just as Herschel thought he finally had the situation under control he hears Rick shout from the doorway. “Shane, don’t!”

Before Herschel could try to stop him Shane grabs Cassandra from behind and locks his arms around her chest, lifting her off the ground slightly. 

Cassandra starts to freak out and begins to thrash around in Shane's hold screaming at him to let her go. Shane tries to walk them backwards but Cassandra’s movements make it near impossible to keep his hold on her and move at the same time. As Cassandra bites down on his arm, Shane curses out in pain and drops his hold on her, causing her to go flying into the kitchen counter.

She manages to catch herself stopping her stomach from taking the full force of the hit but Herschel was still extremely worried, the stress her body was going through right now wasn’t good for the baby and now she had taken a hit to the stomach. 

“You fucking bit me! Are you a fucking animal?!” Shane screams at the back of her head as she clings to the counter. He grabs her arm to make her face him and immediately regrets it when a knife is plunged into his left thigh. 

“Fuck!” Shane screams out as Cassandra pulls the knife from his leg. 

“Don’t… don’t touch me!” She weakly shouts as she throws the knife to the ground and hastily retreats away from Shane. 

As she looked at the blood that was covering her hands she started to back up looking terrified. As her back hit the wall she fell to the floor crying out the word _‘no’_ repeatedly. Adam goes to run to Cassandra’s side but Daryl grabs his arm, he was the only one who had any experience with this type of shit, Adam or anyone else would just make her worse. 

“Move” Daryl pushed his way through the others and rushed over to Cassandra as she started to pull harshly at her hair and hit herself in the head. 

“Cassandra, you need to stop” He states firmly as he kneels in front of her. 

At the sound of his voice Cassandra’s movements stop, she sits there frozen in place for a few seconds until her panicked eyes meet him. 

“Daryl?” She whispers. Her frantic eyes were bouncing all over his face, unable to focus.

“Yeah it’s me” She looked like a scared child and all he wanted to do was pull her into him and give her the comfort she needed but as Shane had demonstrated, touching her wasn’t a good idea. 

As Daryl was trying to figure out a way to get her to calm down, she did something no one was expecting. She grabs his face in her hands and makes him look into her eyes. “I’m in trouble. You need to find me” She tells him with a hint of fear in her voice and on her face. 

"I already did" He tries to tell her but she didn't believe him, she just shook her head at his words. 

She drops her hands into her lap and stares down at them as her tears fall mixing with the blood. “I know you’re not real, you’re just here because I’m scared and you make me feel safe” A sob leaves her lips. “I’m really scared”

Daryl watches helplessly as the woman in front of him breaks down. He didn’t know why but he decided at that moment that he would do everything in his power to never see the look of overwhelming sadness and terror on her face ever again. Every tear and sob that left her was like a stab to the heart, he hated this feeling. He needed it to stop. He had to prove he was real and he thought he had a pretty good idea on how to do that. 

He took a deep breath before holding his hand out. “Do you trust me?”

Cassandra searched his eyes, looking for anything that would confirm this as a trick. But she didn’t find anything, he looked genuinely worried about her. She decided to trust him, even if it was a trick she was already in an awful situation who much worse could it realistically get for her? 

She gingerly lays her hand in his. He lightly grabs her wrist and pulls his shirt up with his free hand, not caring that some of the scars on his back were on fall display to the group. Rick, Shane and the old man had already seen them and he didn’t have time to think about what the others thought, he had more important things to do. 

He watches as her eyes widen and a gasp leaves her mouth as she looks at the fresh scar on his side. The skin was still red and angry from where the stitches had pulled at it. He brings her hand down in the scar and leaves her hand pressed against it. 

“I fell onto my bolt when I was searching for Sophia” He tells her as he watches her delicately run her fingers over the scar. 

When she looked up at him her face was full of emotion, the tears falling from her eyes were no longer out of fear but from sympathy. She didn’t like seeing him hurt and the look of admiration she was giving him made Daryl’s cheek warm. No one had ever looked at him like that, no one has ever given a shit that he’s got hurt before. 

He takes her wrist in his hand again and brings it up to the side of his head. “Andrea shot me”

She lets her fingers linger on his head for a brief moment before she removes them. She looks at her hand stunned then pulls it into her chest. “You’re real” She whispers.

“I am” He wanted to tell her she was safe with him but he never got the chance as Cassandra launched herself at him and brought them into a desperate kiss. She was clinging to him like he would disappear if she didn’t hold on tight enough. He could taste the fresh tears then had started to fall on her lips but he didn’t care, they were a show of how much she needed this. 

Cassandra was the first to pull away, she closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his. Daryl grabs her face in his hands and wipes the tears from her cheeks. 

“I’ve got ya” He whispers onto her lips. She lightly presses their lips together before burying her face into his chest. He pulled her into his lap and held her close as she came to terms with the fact that she was actually here in his arms and finally safe. 

Herschel kneels down next to them, giving them both a small smile. “We’ve got to get you checked out. That wound looks pretty nasty”

Cassandra’s worried eyes snap to Daryl. She was basically screaming _‘don’t leave me’_ with her face. He knew that right now he was acting as her safety net and leaving her might set her back. He pulls her head back into his chest and tights his hold on her. 

“I ain’t going anywhere” He whispers into her hair. He waits for the tension to leave her body before he gently removes her from his hold, making sure to grab her hand in his before he lets go fully. 

“Come on” He lifts them both to their feet. He tried to move them in the direction of the room where the other had all retreated into after he had calmed Cassandra down but she wouldn’t move. She was just staring at the doorway like it led to her death. 

Daryl would have happily sat on the cold ground with her for the rest of the day if that’s what she wanted but Herschel was right the wound on her stomach was still bleeding and needed to be stitched up.

He tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear and looks into her eyes. “I’m not going to leave ya but the Doc’s right that cut needs to be looked at” 

Cassandra closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, as she breathes out she opens her eyes. She gives Daryl a small nod of her head and he knows she’s chosen to trust him. He gives her hand a squeeze before he walks them into the living room, as they enter everyone goes quiet and stares at them. Daryl feels Cassandra move closer to him as all their friends' eyes land on them but he chooses to ignore them and continues with his objective of getting Cassandra some medical attention. 

He leads them over to one of the couches and sits down gently pulling Casandra into the seat next to him. Her grip on his hand tights as Herschel walks over to them, carrying his first aid kit. Daryl gives her a reassuring smile, squeezing her hand in comfort. 

“Can I take a look?” Herschel softly asks as he kneels on the floor in front of the pair. 

Cassandra hesitantly nods her head. Herschel gives her a smile, he lifts up her shirt to assess the damage. The wound was deep enough to need stitches but thankfully she hadn’t hit anything important. Adam was by her side the moment he saw the wound on her side, he had been holding back and letting other, more experienced people deal with Cassandra’s situation but now that she was _‘back to normal’_ he knew she would need him there for comfort. If he was being honest he needed the comfort of being close to her too. 

As soon as his butt hit the seat he was tackled by a hysterical Cassandra, she was laughing and crying all at once. Adam wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in so close that he thought he might break her back, she didn’t seem to mind though as she was doing the same back to him. 

Herschel clears his throat and the pair separate. He didn’t want to ruin the friend’s reunion but he needed to stitch and clean Cassandra’s wound before she got an infection or lost too much blood. They both turn and give Herschel a sheepish smile, he playfully rolls his eyes at them before putting on his serious dad face.

“You’re going to need stitches but you didn’t cut too far to cause any major damage” Herschel tells her before looking through his bag of medical supplies. 

Cassandra’s eyes drop to her lap in embarrassment. Everyone in the room could feel the shame rolling off of her in waves, they had yet again watched her lose her mind. She could tell by all of their worried faces that they were scared to mention what just happened in case she lost it again and lost the progress she had made. 

Herschel pulled out everything he needed to fix her up. He gave her an apologetic look. “We used the last of our numbing meds on your _friend_ ” Cassandra almost laughed at the annoyed look Herschel sent Shane’s way. Nice to know Shane was making friends in her absence. 

“It’s okay” She reassured him. “I don’t need any”

Herschel looked apprehensive, he didn’t want to put her through any more pain. She had already experienced more than her fair share in these last few days. Herschel went to argue but Cassandra silenced him with a look.

“I never had any meds to take when I had to stitch myself back up as a kid” She pats the old man on the shoulder and gives him a small smile. “Trust me I can handle it” 

Cassandra laid flat on her back, Daryl’s face was bright red when she casually laid her head in his lap, eyes forced on Herschel. She didn’t do it to embarrass him, her wound was on the right side and Daryl was the one who was sitting on that side of her, so he was her only option. 

Adam sent Daryl a small smirk as the colour in Daryl’s cheeks redden, he had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing. A few moments ago Daryl was making out on the floor with Cassandra in front of everyone not caring but now he looked ready to explode at Cassie’s small gesture. She had not led in his lap because it was Daryl's; she chose to lay there because it was easier for Herschel to get to her. 

Herschel gently lifted her shirt and wiped the area with a disinfectant wipe. He threaded the needle but paused, hovering the needle just above Cassandra’s skin. “If the pain…”

“It won’t” She cut him off, giving him one last small smile before closing her eyes. 

Herschel _(And everyone else around him)_ took a deep breath as the needle made its first entrance into Cassandra’s skin. Other than the small involuntary spasm her body made at the contact, Cassandra made no noise, she was perfectly still as Herchel started to stitch her up. The other’s watched as she sat there and took the pain like a champ. Some of them had experiences with needles and knew that it was uncomfortable even with pain meds, they couldn’t even begin to imagine how much pain she was in right now. Shane had moaned like a baby when Patrica was stitching up his leg and he had been given meds to help him with the pain. 

As Herschel reached the deeper part of the wound Cassandra’s face screwed up and a small painful wince left her throat. Adam quickly grabbed her left foot that was resting in his lap and started to rub it, trying to distract her from the pain. Cassandra let out a long slow breath as Herschel continued his task but all other signs that she was in pain disappeared as her body becoming accustomed to the new pain level. 

Herschel made quick work and within minutes the wound was closed and covered with a piece of gauze. “It’s likely going to scar” He told Cassandra as he stood up.

Cassandra gasped dramatically and brought a hand to her chest. “Oh, no not a scar!” She said sarcastically as she sat up. 

Herschel wasn’t impressed with her little display of humour and levelled her with the _‘disappointed dad look’_ which had her dropping her eyes back down to her lap and mumbling out a quiet _‘sorry’._

“I don’t want you leaving this couch till I’ve taken a closer look at you and the baby” He sighs before handing her a couple of antibiotics and a glass of water that Maggie had got for him whilst he was stitching Cassnasra’s stomach. Cassandra fills her mouth with water before popping the pills in her mouth and swallowing, she hated taking meds, if they touched her tongue she would usually turn into a gagging mess. 

Cassandra gives him a sheepish nod before leaning back into the couch and closing her eyes. Herschel gave everyone a pointed look and headed into the kitchen. Adam was about to tell Cassandra he would be right back but in the few moments it had taken for Herschel to leave the room, Cassandra had fallen asleep, she was exhausted. Which was completely understandable given what just happened. 

Adam slowly moved out of his seat, gently laying Cassandra down as he did. He quickly made his way into the kitchen, hoping the others hadn’t started without him. Thankfully, it looked like they were waiting on him to arrive before starting their discussion. Adam placed himself in between Daryl and Dale then gave Herschel a nod to signal he was ready to listen to what he had to say. 

“It’s vital I get a look at that baby” Herschel tells them as he washes his hands in the sink.

“You’re worried about the baby?” Adam asks, worry flowing into his veins. 

Herschel nods and leans against the counter, drying his hands on the nearby dishcloth. “Her body has been put through a lot of stress over the last few days. I would like to get a look at the child to make sure past events haven't affected its development” 

“What do you need?” Rick asks leaning forward and steadying himself on the kitchen island. Whatever Herschel needs for Cassandra could also be used to check the health of Lori’s baby.

“I need an ultrasound machine” Herschel states. 

“That’s not an easy ask” Daryl states as he chews nervously on his thumbnail. He wanted to help but he also knew that even a simple run to the shops could now end with you dead or wishing you were. 

Herschel sighs, he knew it wasn’t going to be easy but it was their own opinion. She wasn’t far enough along from his to check the baby's heartbeat with a stethoscope, he needed something more powerful. “I know but I also know that without that machine I have no way of knowing if that baby is healthy” He points to the living room where Cassandra was passed out. 

“Where the hell are we supposed to get an ultrasound machine?” Adam places his head in his hands, why can’t things just be easy for once. 

Patrica offers a solution to their problem. “The medical centre in the next town would have one”

“Wouldn’t a place full of medical supplies be completely looted by now?” Glenn questions. The pharmacy he and Maggie had visited was almost completely cleared out. 

“Of medication and bandages yes but why would someone loot a machine that is only useful if you’re planning to start repopulating the world?” Maggie says as she comes to stand in between Glenn and Daryl.

“Maggie’s right” Daryl nods his head at her before turning his attention to Patrica. “Do you know where this place is?”

She nods her head. “I’ll get you a map” 

As Patricia leaves the room, Shane starts to laugh humorlessly and pace around his area of the kitchen. Placing a hand on his leg every now and then when the pain hits him. 

“Why are we even bothering with this? She clearly doesn’t want the baby. Why risk our lives for a baby that isn’t even wanted by its own mother?” He asks, raising his voice, not giving a crap if he wakes the mother in question.

“You ain't risking shit” Daryl growls, levelling Shane with a single glare. “So keep your mouth shut” 

Shane being the alpha male he was, didn't like Daryl calling him out in front of everyone and jumped forward in an attempt to start something with Daryl. Rick quickly stepped into Shane’s path and stopped him from escalating the situation, they didn’t need anyone else to get injured. 

“Not now, Shane” Rick calmly states as he places a hand on Shane’s chest and pushes him towards the back door. 

Shane sends Daryl one last murderous glare before angrily pushing the door open and disappearing into the early morning air. Everyone silently watches the door, unsure if Shane was going to suddenly come back and punch one of them for not having the same opinions as him. 

“How far out is that place?” Daryl asks, breaking the tense silence. 

“About an hour and a half drive” Maggie tells him, supplying him with the last bit of information he needed to form his plan. 

Daryl nods his head at her as the plan comes together in his head. “We could be there and back in a few hours”

“We would need to take the truck” Glenn adds. They couldn’t fit the machine in the back seat of any of their cars. 

“Okay, obviously we can’t all go on this mission, some of us need to stay here and protect the farm. How many do you think you’ll need?” Rick asks, directing his question to Daryl. He knew Daryl would want to lead this one. 

“It’ll be easier with fewer people” Daryl goes back to biting his nail as he thinks of how many people he would need. “I’d say two”

“Any volunteers?” Rick asks, looking around at the group. He would have volunteered to go himself but he had promised Carl and Lori he wouldn't leave again. 

Unsurprisingly, Adam walks forward looking like he was about to volunteer to help with the mission but instead he shocked everyone with his words. “I’m gonna stay”

Adam, seeing that everyone was looking at him with confused expressions, turns to Daryl and explains why he won’t be a part of the team. “One of us should be here when she wakes up”

Daryl awkwardly clears his throat before sheepishly nodding his head. Adam was right if Cassandra woke up and both of the people that she trusted the most were gone she could easily fall back into her dark place and hurt herself or someone else again. 

“I’ll go” Glenn volunteers, which everyone was expecting. Glenn was their runner and had a close friendship with Cassandra, of course, he would want to help her.

That same reason is why no one was shocked when T-Dog also volunteered his time. “Me too”

“No” Was Daryl’s simple response.

T-Dog’s whole body deflated at Daryl’s rejection. It was his fault Cassandra got hurt and he wanted to try and make it right. He had to make it right. “Look I know I screwed up and It’s my fault this happened but I want to help” He takes a deep breath and looks down at the ground, trying to hide his shame. “I want to make it right”

“That isn’t the reason you're not coming” Daryl explains, T-dog’s eyes snap to him in confusion. “Your job is to keep that bastard away from her. I want ya to make sure he won’t try to take his revenge whilst we’re distracted”

“You really think Shane would try something?” T asks, looking at Daryl concerned. He was there when Shane almost attacked her in the RV but he couldn’t believe Shane would hurt her on purpose. 

“He’s not like that. He wouldn’t hurt a woman” Lori said coming to his defence. 

“You see the mark he left when he tried to attack her in the RV?” Daryl asks her trying to keep his voice level, he didn’t want to shout at Lori but her coming to her _‘boyfriend's’_ defence had pissed him off. Shane was a crazy mother fucker and no one seemed to care about it. 

“He left a mark?” Adam asked Daryl, his anger clear with every word he spoke.

“Saw it on the highway, a red handprint right on her arm” Daryl grabs his arm to show where the mark was. 

“That son of a bitch” Adam shouts, his face turning into a murderous scowl. “He’s a dead man”

“Calm down” Rick tells Adam, trying to get things back under control. “I’ll talk to Shane, make sure it doesn’t happen again”

Adam rolls his eyes at Rick. Shane was beyond words he needed a good beating but it wasn’t Adam's call so he couldn’t do anything other than letting Rick try and handle it. “Yeah, whatever” He mutters. 

“We still need one more” Glenn reminds them, bringing the group's attention back on the task and not the anger rolling off Adam. 

“I’ll go, I know the area” Maggie offers. 

Herschel looks over at this daughter, clearly unhappy with her volunteering her life. “Maggie…”

She cuts him off. “I’ll be fine daddy, I’ve got two strong men to protect me” She turns around and pats the males on the chest, before slowly rubbing her hands up and down, getting a feel of their bodies under her fingers. 

The group all bust out laughing as Daryl and Glenn's faces burn red as the woman feels them up in front of everyone. She gives them both a satisfied smirk as she drops her hands back down by her side. 

“Right” Daryl awkwardly clears his throat, hoping that the blush on his cheeks was starting to lessen. 

“Grab your shit and meet me outside in ten” He tells his two new companions before quickly walking out of the room, trying to save himself from further embarrassment. He had already hit his limit of human contact and it wasn’t even sunrise yet. 

As he walked into the room a small smile appeared on his face, Cassandra was still asleep on the sofa, curled up into a tight ball. Once he realised he was smiling he quickly wiped it from his face, he didn’t need the others to see him smiling at this girl like he was some fucking teenager with a crush of the prettiest girl in school. 

Even though it was true. He didn’t want to admit it, admitting it would make everything he was feeling real. And nothing scared Daryl more than the feelings Cassandra brought out in him. He wanted to be with her every second of the day and the need to protect her was so strong it made him want to puke. 

He walked close to her sleeping form and noticed her arms were covered with goosebumps. Without even thinking Daryl took off his jacket and laid it across her. His eyes widened, why had he just done that? It was such a caring, simple gesture that people do without thinking all the time but for Daryl, it felt like he had just stripped naked and told her he loved her. Which Daryl would never do, whatever he was feeling towards her wasn’t love it had to be something else. 

Before he could have a breakdown he left the house, hoping that the run would calm him down and dampen his wandering thoughts. He would have something else to focus on instead of how cute Cassandra looked when she slept. 

“Shit” He mumbles, putting his head in his hands. Why did he care how adorable she looked? He was losing it. 

«---------------------------------------------CASSANDRA---------------------------------------------------------------»

I woke up feeling like I had been drinking non-stop for days. Every inch of my body had some sort of ache or pain. As I opened my eyes, Adam materialised in front of me with a massive grin on his face. 

“You’re awake” He sings happily from his crouched position on the floor next to me. 

His loud voice made my whole head vibrate painfully. My hands immediately went to my head and started to rub soothing circles, hoping to lessen some of the pain. 

“Why do I feel like I had the worst hangover of my life?” I ask him.

“You’re still really sick” He tells me.“You probably didn’t feel it early because you were…” He drifts off not sure what to call my _episode._

“In crazy town?” I guessed I don’t remember everything that happened when I take a trip to la-la land but I remember enough to know that it’s going to fuck me up for the next few days. 

“Yeah” He gently removes my hands from my head and takes over the soothing circles, knowing it feels better when someone else does it for you. “Do you remember what happened?”

“I remember everything that happened before my little trip” I sigh and pull my legs up closer to my chest, groaning a little when the stitches in my side pull. “Unfortunately”

“And after?” He lightly presses, trying to be as gentle with me as he could. I must have really lost it for him to be acting this way. 

“Little bits” I run my fingers over the bandage on my side. “I remember most of what happened earlier but before that, it’s a little hazy”

“I’m going to get you some water and something to drink, then I'll fill you in on what’s been happening here and try and help you fill in some of the blanks” He gives the hand on my injury a squeeze before disappearing off into the kitchen. 

I look down at myself and notice I'm still wearing the same clothes as I was earlier, however, the top was no longer pristine; it was now stained with my blood and had a huge rip in it from when I had stabbed myself. 

Thinking about the events a few hours earlier made me want to throw up. I had never hurt myself or anyone else when I lost my mind but I had done both in a matter of minutes and I wanted to shout at my past self for being so weak and letting that happen. I shouldn’t have given in to the dark thoughts that have been swimming around in my head for months. I’m stronger than that. Or at least I was. 

Maybe becoming weak is my punishment for taking a life. He might have been a gross, rapey, piece of shit but he was still a living, breathing human and there’s not many of those left these days. Killing him might not have been the moral thing to do but I would rather have to live with the guilt of being a murderer then living as a sex slave to some asshole.

“Hey what’s wrong?” Adam’s panicked voice asks me. I go to tell him but the tears falling from my eyes have other ideas and I end up choking on a sob that was stuck in my throat. 

“Shh, you’re okay” He tells me as he gathers my broken body in his warm arms. 

“I...I…” I try to tell him why I’ve suddenly turned into a blubbering mess but the words die in my throat as more cries escape me.

“Shh, You’re safe” He whispers into my hair and he pulls me in closer. Calming me slightly. 

“I killed someone” I blurt out before my emotions take over again. 

“I know” He simple tells me. 

“You do?” I ask, completely confused, how would he know that I don’t remember saying anything to Herschel or Daryl when they were talking to me earlier. 

He releases me from his hold and hands me a bowl of tomato soup and a few pieces of bread. “Eat this and I’ll tell you everything” 

He takes a seat next to me and helps me eat for the first time in days. Every sip I took felt like heaven, however, my body was so hungry I would have probably eaten anything Adam placed in front of me. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

After I had finished eating Adam filled me in on everything that had happened to the group in my absence, they had been through some much. Carl was shot, Patrica lost her husband, Herschel’s family had to watch as our group killed their dead family members. Herschel, Rick and Glenn had a run-in with some of the bastards that had found me and Glenn was almost shot. They brought back a kid named Randell who was left behind when he jumped onto a fence spike. Glenn found my looted clothing, knife and note in one of the fuckers bags and that’s how they knew I was still alive. 

He told me everything about my break down and what everyone saw me do, it made me want to crawl into a ball and die. I didn't care about them seeing me in my underwear or seeing my scars, I haven’t cared about people seeing them in a long time. _(When you’ve slept with as many guys as I have, hiding them seems pointless)_ It was them learning of the abuse I was subjected to, people always treated me differently once they found out. People would treat me like I was made of glass, never wanting to get into arguments with me in case them raising their voice made me have a panic attack or something worse. 

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling when Adam told me about Sophia, I felt responsible. I left her alone even though I knew how scared she was. If I had stayed with her maybe none of this would have happened. 

“It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have left her” I breathe out, wiping the tears from my face.

“No It’s not, no one blames you. Neither should you” He puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side. 

“Poor, Carol” I whisper, rubbing at my arms to try and warm myself up. 

“You cold?” I nod my head at his question and he releases me briefly to grab something from the floor. He helps me put on the biker jacket before pulling my back into his side.

“Are you a part of a biker gang now?” I ask looking down at the leather jacket he had just placed on my body. 

“It’s Daryl’s” He shrugs. 

“Why would Daryl give you his jacket?” Had Adam and Daryl bonded in the time I was missing? 

“I wasn't the one he gave it to” He smirks down at me. “He must have seen that you were cold and placed it on you when you were sleeping. What a sweetheart”

I felt my face start to warm up and suddenly the jacket felt a lot heavier on my body. Guys usually want to see me with fewer clothes, not more. I pull the jacket closer around my body and try to ignore the smug look Adam was sending my way. “Shut up”

“I didn’t say anything” He defenders himself. 

I look up at him and narrow my eyes. “You were saying it with your face”

“I can’t help it” He squeezes me, tightly. “You too are just so cute. Tiptoeing around each other because neither of you knows how to tell the other how you feel” 

“It’s like watching a rom-com” He says in a singsong voice.

“We’re not tiptoeing around each other” I roll my eyes at him. 

“Really? So, when he walks back through that door you’re going to confess you have feelings for him?” He questions, looking at me like he already knew my answer was going to be a lie before it even came out of my mouth.

“Who said I had feelings for him?” I shrug like it was no big deal but in the inside, I was screaming. I didn’t know if I had feelings for Daryl, I cared about him sure and he made me feel save but I didn’t know if I felt _those_ type of feelings for him. 

Adam looks at me unimpressed with my poor attempt at lying. “So, Its just sex?” 

_Yes, no, I don't know, maybe? Could it be more than that? Do I want it to be more than that?_

“Yep. Just another name to add to my list” I say, trying to sound convincing but honestly even I didn’t believe the shit coming out of my mouth. If it was only sex why did I feel like my heart was going to explode when Daryl kissed me on the highway? Why did I want him to hold me and comfort me with more than just his body? _Crap…_

“You are so full of crap” He rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen the way you look at him Cass, you have never looked at any of your previous hookups like that”

_He’s not like my other hookups he understands._ It was I want to say but the words die on my tongue. Adam goes to say something else but T-Dog running into the room stops his words.

“They’re back” T tells us as he enters the room. 

“This conversation isn't over” Adam whispers to me because the others enter the room. 

“Did you get it?” Herschel asks as he walks down the stairs. 

Get what? I thought to myself, Adam had told me about the run but he failed to mention what they were looking for.

“Daryl and Rick are bringing it in now” Glenn tells him as he and Herschels’ daughter move to sit on the sofa opposite me. Glenn gives me a small smile as he sits down. I don’t try to hide the impressed look I send him as his arm snakes around Maggie’s shoulder. We would definitely be talking about that later. 

“How did it go?” Andrea asks as she leans against the wall.

“The place was a ghost town, there wasn’t a single walker” Maggie informs us.

“It was creepy” Glenn shivers. It's strange to think that now it was creepier to find a town free of the dead than to find one full of them. 

“Do you guys need any help?!” T shouts out of the door, holding it open. 

“We’ve got it!” Daryl growls back. I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing at how offended he sounded by T-Dog’s offer of help. 

Rick was the first to enter carrying the bottom of some kind of machine. It wasn’t until Daryl came through the door that I saw what type of machine it was. Any colour I had in my face quickly disappeared and I felt like I was going to puke. If that was for me then someone was going to end up with a black eye or worse. 


	13. Baby’s first picture day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra cracks under the pressure and finally opens up to the group. We get a small look at the ‘relationship’ Cassandra and her baby daddy shared. The baby gets its first check-up, will everything be okay considering what its mother had gone through in the past few weeks?

The group had been split into two different factions, one had the  _ 'easy' _ task of helping Herschel set up the machine and the other’s were tasked with getting me to agree to an ultrasound so Herschel could check the baby.

As you can imagine it wasn't going well for group B. They started slow, telling me all about Herschel's concerns, none of which I cared about. But by the five-minute mark, everyone’s patience was wearing thin with me and my juvenile behaviour. They all thought I was being a brat by not doing what the group was asking of me but I would rather have everyone hate me then see or hear the abomination growing inside of me.

You may think I’m being irrational but with my freshly cracked psyche, I’m not sure I could handle the emotional stress the ultrasound would put me through. Just thinking about it was making my mind cloud with dark thoughts and memories I was trying to heal from. Which is why I’m ignoring their pleas and acting like a stroppy toddler. 

“No” I slumped back against the sofa, crossing my arms over my chest. Narrowing my eyes at Carol and Adam, who were trying the hardest to persuade me. 

“This is ridiculous, Cassandra” Adam rolls his eyes, getting annoyed with my attitude. “It’s just a little scan, I’ll be over before you know it”

I don’t care if it lasts a second, that’s still too long. I go to tell Adam that but stop dead in my tracks when the machine makes a noise. They got it to work, I was praying that the machine got damaged in transit but unfortunately I’m not that lucky. As I watched the loading screen appear on the display my mouth went dry, the room suddenly started to spin and I felt like I was about to pass out. 

Carol leans forward in her seat, making sure my attention was on her and not anyone or anything else. She gives me a motherly smile that calms my nerves slightly but I could still feel the anxiety crawling its way through my brain. 

“I remember being nervous about going to my first ultrasound with Sophia but as soon as I saw that little blob on the screen my heart melted” Carol told me, trying to both distract me and convince me all at once.

Lori catching on to what Carol was trying to do, looked at me with her own kind smile. “I was a wreck for days after having my first one with Carl” She looks over to Carl who was standing over with his father watching in awe as Herschel played with the settings on the ultrasound machine. “I would stare at the sonogram for hours and cry at how little he was” 

She laughs at Carl bouncing in excitement, before turning her attention back to me. “It’s completely normal to feel a little afraid, you’re about to see your baby for the first time”

“It’s not the first time” I sigh, pulling Daryl’s jacket tighter around myself, hoping it would hide me from my confession. 

Unfortunately for me, Adam apparently wanted everyone to hear my secret because he shouted  _ ‘What?!’ _ so loud walkers in the next state probably heard him. Everyone’s eyes were suddenly on me and waiting for an expectation for Adam’s outburst. 

I didn’t want to tell them, what difference does it make if I’ve had an ultrasound before? It doesn’t change my mind on not wanting one now if anything it makes me want one even less. Seeing that tiny speck on the screen made me want to drink until my body was destroyed as punishment for letting this happen in the first place. If I had that reaction to seeing practically nothing what would happen now that the fetus looks like an actual fucking baby? 

But for some reason with everyone’s eyes on me, I felt the sudden urge to spill my guts and tell them all of the secrets I had been keeping. I knew none of them would judge me, but I still wasn’t ready to tell them everything. So, instead, I decided to give them a little piece, just enough to keep their interest fed and off my back for a few days. 

As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, it was like a dam broke and I couldn’t stop the words from spilling out. “When you go in for an abortion they take your blood to check if you’re healthy or if you currently have any STD’s. After that, they ask you how far along you think you are, then they give you an ultrasound to check that you’ve gotten your dates right. The nurse told me that the alien-looking creature inside of me was roughly nine weeks, which meant I was early enough into the pregnancy to get a medical abortion” 

I stopped the word vomit and looked around the room, everyone was looking at me with wide eyes, none of them expecting me to tell them the truth. They all probably thought I was going to make some sarcastic comment then punch my way out of here. Honestly, it was starting to feel good being truthful and getting this all out into the open but even I was shocked when I continued to talk, after my brief pause. 

“They give you two pills. The first one ends the pregnancy, the second one expels everything out. And after a few hours of horrible cramping and bleeding, you get to move on with your life” I pause again and let the new information sink in, knowing that this isn’t a topic most people are comfortable with.

“That’s what I wanted to do I wanted to move on with my life, I wanted to forget about  _ him _ , what he did, how I let him use me” I let out a shaky breath, willing myself to stop talking, this was more than I wanted them to know but my mouth didn’t want to listen to me. So, I sat there helplessly, crying like a baby as my exhausted brain scrambled to get as much information out as possible before I took back control. 

“I don’t want to have this baby because I’m fucking terrified that I’m going to see his face every time I look at it... I don’t want to have an ultrasound because I don’t want to see it... before it looked barely human but now…” I have to stop as a loud sob leaves my mouth and I struggle to catch my breath. “Now it’s going to look like a real baby and I can’t... I can’t” 

Adam quickly gathers me in his arms as I break down, not being able to control my emotions as I finally say how I’ve been feeling for months out loud.

“Please don’t make me” I cry into Adam’s shirt as he holds me close, rocking us from side to side. 

“Nobody is going to make you do anything you don’t want to, I promise” He tells me, looking around the room in search of somebody to help him calm me down. 

Thankfully for Adam, Carol notices his pleading eyes and crouches down in front of us, placing a comforting hand on my knee. “Jimmy, could you take Carl upstairs?” She asks, never taking her eye off of my shaking form. 

Jimmy looks to Rick unsure but quickly ushers a confused Carl out of the room when Lori nods her head that it’s okay. Nobody knew what Carol was planning but if Carl had to be out of the room then things were about to get serious. Adam pulls me away from his chest and turns me to face Carol, letting her take the lead and hoping whatever she had planned would help me. 

“I know you don’t want to talk about it but keeping it locked up inside isn’t healthy. Eventually, it’s going to eat you up until there’s nothing left” She takes my hands in her’s. “I know you’re scared but we are all here for you” 

“I want you to tell us what happened” She says sternly. Leaving no room for argument. 

My eyes widened, there was no way I was going to tell them that. But the look of Carol’s face told me I wouldn’t be able to do anything else until she and the others knew why I was getting so freaked out.

Carol notices my fear and takes a softer approach. “Let’s start slow, can you tell us his name?”

No, because then I’d be admitting to myself that it happened and it wasn’t just a bad dream that I still hadn’t woken from. Saying his name, accepting what happened, it's the first step in pulling out the memories I buried deep down inside. But keeping them locked up is exhausting and I’m tired. God am I tired. 

“Luke” I whisper into the tense silence. I look up at Carol and could tell by her eyes that saying his first name wasn’t enough. She wants every detail I have to give her and she’s not backing down until I do, but just saying his first name had caused me to have to swallow the vomit that was rising in the back of my throat. “Luke Paulson” 

As soon as the name left my lips I turned to Adam knowing he would quickly place the name and the shit show that my life had become after my brother died would be aired for everyone to see. I watched as the cogs turned in his head and the man in question popped into his mind, I cringed at the look of disgust that appeared on his face. I knew he wasn’t going to be happy with what I had done, he had once made a joke that I couldn’t be left alone in a room with a man for more than twenty seconds without ending up with my panties around my ankles, I guess he was right. 

“Your therapist?!” He shouts into my face before jumping out of his seat, angrily pacing in front of me. 

I sat there like a little kid waiting for their parents to scold them. He does a few laps of the room before returning to me and roughly grabbing me by the arms. “You slept with your fucking therapist?” Carol quickly jumps in and pulls him off of me, whispering something to him that I couldn’t hear over the sound of my racing heart. 

“Oh, it is so much worse than that” I laugh bitterly, placing a hand over my mouth to stop the sob from leaving my mouth. 

Everybody turns to look at me confused, I had just confessed to sleeping with my therapist which is pretty frowned upon and now I’m saying that’s not even the worst part. None of them wanted to push me to know the rest of the story but my resolve had cracked and I was opening my mouth to tell them everything before anyone could stop me. 

«---------------------------------------------FLASHBACK-----------------------------------------------------------------»

It had only been a few weeks since we had started sleeping with each other. It all started because I was still a mess from my brother’s death and he was going through a nasty custody battle with his ex-wife. We both needed a release from our pent up anger and sex was a great way to do that. I came onto him during one of our sessions and it ended with us banging in the back seat of his car. 

After that day it became a regular thing, our Monday and Wednesday sessions stayed the same, we would talk about my fucked up life and he would try to help me recall parts of the night my brother died that I still didn’t fully remember but our Friday meeting was now just a cover so we could go to his place and fuck on every piece of furniture he owned until we were both sore and to exhausted to move. 

It was around 19:40 on Friday the 4th of June and I was walking down a busy street with a plastic bag in my hand, occasionally dipping my hand inside the bag, pulling out a couple of fries and putting them into my mouth. I walked up the stairs of a posh looking apartment building and hit the call button, waiting for the person on the other end to buzz me in. A few seconds later the door makes a noise and I push it open, entering the beautifully air-conditioned building. 

I make my way up the first flight of stairs and knock on apartment four’s door. After a few moments, Luke opens the door looking at me unimpressed. 

“You’re late” He scolds as he leans on the door frame.

“The buses were running behind” I informed him as I duck under his arm and walk into his place. 

I had started taking public transport after my accident, I hadn’t been behind the wheel of a car since then. I didn’t trust myself not to panic. Nowadays it felt like everything and anything could set off one of my panic attacks, my life now revolved around trying to stop my mind from wandering into the dark abyss of fear. 

“And I picked up dinner on the way here” I placed the bag on the counter and pulled out a food container. “I got you a chicken burger and fries” 

The container had barely touched the countertop before I felt him wrap his arms around my waist and start to attack my neck with his lips. His hand slowly made its way down my body before slipping into my jeans, I jumped slightly as his cold fingers reached my folds. 

“The foods going to get cold” I tell him, trying not to lose myself in his touch. He had a way of making me turn to jelly under his skilful hands. 

“Fuck the food” He growls into my ear as he spins me around and lifts me onto the counter, coming to stand in between my legs.

“But I’m hungry” I jokingly pout, wrapping my legs around his waist and locking my arms around his neck. 

He runs his thumb over my bottom lip before bringing us into a soft kiss. “We’ll heat it up later” 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

It had been hours since I had arrived at Luke’s house, we were both sweaty, sore and exhausted but once we got going it was hard for us to stop. I had to restrain him after our third round of  _ ‘lovemaking’ (Barf) _ I needed to eat something before my body gave out. He agreed we should stop and eat, after some pushing from me. So, we sat butt naked on his couch and ate our reheated burger and fries. They didn’t taste as nice as they probably would have if we had eaten them fresh but since I hadn’t eaten anything in almost 13 hours  _ (I skipped lunch, I know it’s unhealthy but I had deadlines to meet) _ I didn’t care what it tasted like. 

After our food had settled we got right back to it, the next few rounds happened right there on the couch before we somehow made our way into his bedroom. The room was plain and had no personality, it looked more like a showroom than a room someone lived in. The only remotely personal thing was a small framed photo of Luke, his two daughters and a redhead who I could only assume was his ex-wife that sat on his bedside table. 

The first time I was here I had asked him why his apartment looked depressing as fuck. And he was quick to inform me that this was what most recently divorced men’s apartments looked like. So, of course, the next time I came to his place I brought with me the most hideous decorative throw pillow I could find and gifted it to him in hopes of giving the place a little more character. 

_ “This thing is awful” He says as he looks down at the dizzying striped pattern on the cushion.  _

_ “That's kind of the point” I take the cushion from his hands and place it on the left side of the couch. “See the place has more personally already” _

_ “What are you going to bring me next time? A potted plant?” He scoffs, pulling me into his chest. _

_ “That's a good idea” I pushed away from him and started to survey the room, looking for the perfect place to put his non-existent plant.  _

_ “You could put it in that corner over there” I point to the corner between the window and the tv stand. _

_ He rolls his eyes at me before yanking me back into him and bringing us into a breathtaking kiss. “I didn't invite you over to talk interior design” He grumbles as he pulls away, roughly pushing me onto the couch. I smirk up at him as he moves to hover above me.  _

That stupid pillow was still sat on his couch, standing out like a sore thumb next to all of his other dull decorations. I had thought about going through with his suggestion and buying him a plant but decided against it, he would have killed it by the time I came back anyway. He was too busy with work, his kids or screwing my brains out to water a plant daily. 

“Fuck” Luke growls into my ear as I lift my hips higher and pull him in closer with my legs that were locked around his waist, allowing him to go deeper inside of me. 

He picks up the speed, causing the moans, grunts and other sounds coming from our body's moving together to increase. With our new pace and angle, it didn't take long for that familiar tight feeling in my stomach to show up.

“It’s okay sweetheart, I’ve got you” Luke coos at me as the tingling sensation increases and I become a squirming mess underneath him.

I close my eyes and wait for the coil to break but before I could feel the pleasurable release, the blood in my veins turns to ice and my body locks up. My eyes snap open, my breathing becomes erratic as I frantically search his face. He's not looking at me, too forced on reaching his own high to realise that I've turned to stone underneath him. 

_ I was back to that night, I could feel the cold air hitting my face from the smacked window. I sat perfectly still as the tall blonde man walks towards me. I had had this dream before but the man’s face was always a blur, however, this time when he leaned into the car to greet me his face was completely clear. I looked into the similar face of the man I had been sleeping with for weeks, trying to come up with some excuse that this was just my brain putting pieces together from a completely different puzzle. He said the phrase the asshole had used before he attacked me that had to be why my mind was putting his face onto mystery man’s body.  _

_ But he had said that to me more times then I could count, why would my brain choose now to make the mix-up and not the first time he had said those words to me?  _

_ “It’s okay sweetheart, I’ve got you” As the words leave his mouth the memory freezes. He was him. This wasn’t my brain playing tricks, this was the moment I finally woke up from my hazy dream. I had been floating in dreamland for so long but now I was free. This asshole had left me and my brother for death and had been manipulating me for weeks.  _

_ He must have known who I was when he chose to take my case, I clearly wasn’t supposed to make it out of the car alive that night but after I did he needed to see for himself if I truly didn’t remember what he and that other man did.  _

The Luke in my memory places his head into the crook of my neck and I’m suddenly thrust back into reality. I could feel the weight of him on top of me, he was breathing heavily as he got closer to his breaking point. My brain was too forced on not panicking and giving away what I had just recollected, to stop what he was doing to me, I just wanted him to finish so I could escape. 

I close my eyes and beg to whoever was listening to make this stop. It didn’t take long for me to get my wish, I bit back the sick feeling as his body twitch and the warm liquid flowed inside me. Once he got his breath back he pulled out of me and rolled over to the other side of the bed. I tried not to think about his fluids spilling out of me as I sat up and perched myself on the side of the bed, I long hot shower would deal with that but for right now I needed to get the hell out of here. 

“I'm going to go get cleaned up” I tell him, extremely proud of myself for keeping my voice steady. 

He hums in acknowledgement, not moving or opening his eyes as I move off of the bed and exit the room. Once the door closes behind me I run around the living room and gather my scattered clothes in a panicked frenzy. I needed to get the fuck out of here. I swiftly got dressed and was in the process of putting my shoes on when a buzzing from the coffee table caught my attention. 

I knew I should ignore it and just leave the building but I needed confirmation that this was real and I wasn’t just losing my mind. I quickly snatched the phone from the table and flipped the screen up, surprised that there was no lock. I click on the Facebook app and start going through his gallery, It doesn't take long for me to find what I was looking for. 

It was a picture of Luke and a younger male in a crowded bar with drunken smiles on their faces. The caption reading 'Happy 21th birthday baby brother' I click on the tagged profile and my blood starts to boil. It was him, the drugged-up prick who murdered my brother. Without thinking I exit out of the app and scroll through Luke’s contacts, calling the number under the name Marcus.

It rings a couple of times before a sleepy voice comes through the speaker. “Luke is everything okay? Why the hell are you calling?”

As the voice reached my ears, everything went in slow motion. This was the same voice that I heard crying like a baby on the highway, I wasn’t making it up this was the man who killed my brother. 

“It’s you...it’s… it’s you” I hysterically whisper down the phone, struggling to breathe. 

I hear a panicked _ ‘crap’ _ from the other end of the phone, this guy knew who I was. He must have known what his brother was doing with me. Did they plan this?

“Listen, lady, I’m sorry I…” He tries to explain himself but I end the call and throw the phone away from me as if it had burned my hand. I rush into the bathroom and barely make it in time before the vomit reaches my throat and I empty my stomach into the toilet. 

I had been sleeping with my brothers’ murder’s accomplice for weeks. The same guy who almost killed me and almost gave me permanent brain damage. As I knelt there hunched over the bowl I could feel him dripping out of me making my stomach lurch even more. What had I done? 

I heard movement from the living room before the bathroom door swung open and Luke walked in. “Shit, you okay?” My vomiting had been loud enough for him to hear from across the apartment and woken him up. He starts to rub my back before he stops when the sound of his ringer goes off. 

He kisses me of the top of my head before heading back into his living room to find his phone, by the time he found the phone I had stopped vomiting and was trying to get to my shaky feet. 

“Marcus? Why are you calling me so late? What’s…” He pauses and looks over to me slowly trying to walk out of the bathroom. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Marcus was telling his brother that their secret was out and I knew everything. 

As I exit the bathroom I quickly grab my bag from the side of the couch and try to run for the door but he quickly stands in front of me and blocks my path. “I’ll sort it, Marcus” He tells his brother before hanging up the phone and placing it in his back pocket. 

“Well, this is awkward” He chuckles and slowly walks towards me forcing me to walk backwards.

As my back hits a wall I look directly into his eyes, trying to prove to him that I wasn’t scared. In reality, fear was crawling away at my insides and I was terrified on what he was planning to do with me now that the cat was out of the bag and I had the power to send him and his brother to jail. 

“Are you going to let me explain?” He asks me as he comes to a stop in front of me, trapping me between him and the wall. 

“You killed my brother!” I scream into his face. I didn’t care what crap excuse he had come up with in the months since the accident. He was still the man who left two people to die if he had called for help then maybe my brother would still be alive. 

“Technically, my moron of a brother did. I just left you both there for dead” He harshly rubs his hands over his face before mumbling. “What we do for family” under his breath.

“You could have saved him!” I shout, hating myself of letting my emotions get the better of me.

“He would have been dead before the ambulance got to him” He softly whispers to me as he wipes the tears from my cheeks. 

“You were supposed to die there with him” He holds my face in his hands and makes me look into his eyes. “But you’re stronger then that, you’re a fucking fighter” 

“Why did you do this? Why didn’t you just kill me?” I quietly ask. It had been playing on my mind since I put everything together. Why would he keep me alive for months when I could have remembered at any time? It would have been safer to kill me then to secretly watch me continue to struggle with my memories. 

“It would have been easy, you could have drugged me or slit my wrists and people wouldn’t have even questioned it. I was a fucking mess” I laugh bitterly, it was true. My life in the early days following Joshua’s death was hell on earth, I barely ate, slept or showered. Nobody would have thought it was strange if I had chosen to take my own life and I would be lying if I said that it hadn’t crossed my mind a few times as I sat alone in my room slowly falling into the dark parts of my mind. 

“That was the original plan but it changed” He sighs before a small smile appears on his face as he looks into my eyes. “The more I talked to you, the more I learned about what type of person you were, I couldn’t go through with it”

“Oh, jeez. Thank you so much” I smile sarcastically. Did this guy really think that I would forgive him because he didn’t go through with his plan to kill me? What a maniac. 

He brings his fingers up to the small scar on my forehead, just below my hairline. “I didn’t want to hurt you back at the car but I had to protect my baby brother. He might be a mess but he’s still me family”

“You didn’t want to hurt me?” I grab his wrist and twist it, he hisses out in pain before I let go. “But you were happy to let me fuck you knowing full well that you were one of the guys that killed my brother and I had no idea?” 

I use all my strength to push him away from me, I didn’t want him to be close enough to touch me again. Every time he would touch me the panic I was feeling would spike and I was worried I would have a panic attack before I could get out of here. 

“How is making me feel violated and disgusting better than killing me?” I harshly ask him once he was a comfortable distance away from me. 

“Did you feel that way when you first came on to me? No?” He lifts a questioning eyebrow at me. “You’re the one who started this, sleeping with you wasn’t part of the plan but after that night I couldn’t stop thinking about you”

He closes the gap between us again and grabs me by the hips, pulling my body into his. “How your body felt under my fingers, how nice you felt inside, the way you could make me almost lose control with one buckle of your hips. I had never slept with someone like you before, you knew what you wanted and you just went for it” 

I squirm under his touch as he slowly moves one of his hands up my shirt. “When you came up with the idea to make us sleeping together a regular thing I almost died” He laughs. “I didn’t care who you were or what I had done to you if you were offering me full access to you I was jumping on that train for as long as it lasted” 

“I guess I’ve reached the last stop on the train tracks, huh?” He sighs briefly before smirking down at me and slipping his hand into my bra and squeezing my breast. “Unless you want to carry on with our little arrangement?”

I pull his hand from under my shirt and cross my arms over my chest. “You’re fucking crazy” 

“It was worth a try” He shrugs before moving to lean on the kitchen counter. “I guess once you leave here you’re going to go to the police?”

“What the hell do you think?” I ask, eyeing him cautiously. 

“I was really hoping you would say no” He sighs before slowly reaching behind him and grabbing something. 

For a moment, I think he had grabbed a knife and this is where I would be taking my last breath but instead, he pulls out his phone and starts to scroll through it. 

“I didn’t want to do this but you’ve tied my hands” He holds the phone out in front of me and I watch in horror as the video starts to play. It was a recording of us both having sex on the sofa from a few weeks ago. 

“We were having an affair and I called it off which made you mad and now you’re trying to ruin my life” He says calmly, as the video plays. He sounded like he had rehearsed that line a hundred times. 

“You’ve been mentally unstable since your brother’s death, you said as much yourself. No one is going to believe anything you say, especially when I have this voice of you riding my dick and screaming my name” He pushes the phone closer to my face and I turn away unable to watch it for another second. 

He was right, the video was all the evidence he needed to collaborate his story, that and the multiple eyewitnesses who have seen me coming and going from his apartment for weeks.

“I’m going to miss you” He grabs my face roughly in his hand and kissing my lips, taking full advantage of my numb state. He rubs a thumb over my cheek before pulling away from me and walking over to his front door. He opens it then moves to stand out of the way, I hesitantly move towards the door, unsure if this was a trick or something. I couldn’t believe he was going to let me go. 

As I take a step outside of the apartment door a hand grabs my wrist and I shout as myself for being so stupid, of course, he wasn’t going to let me leave he was just playing games with me. But he surprised me when he doesn’t pull my back into his apartment, he just turns me round to face him. 

“If you change your mind you know where to find me” He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it, maintaining eye contact with me the whole time. 

As soon as he lets go of my wrist I walk as fast as my legs would carry me out of his building and into the cold night air. I took a minute to calm myself and push down the vomit that had been ever-presence since finding out the truth. 

I pull my phone from my bag and check the time. It was past 11 which meant I had missed the last bus for the night. I started walking before I even had a plan, my apartment building was at least a forty-minute walk from here. I kept telling myself I would come up with a safer plan than walking alone in the middle of the night but I never did, I had just kept walking and walking until I reached my front door forty-six minutes later.

I quietly opened the door and walked in, praying that I didn't wake Adam up. I didn't want him seeing me like this and asking me questions that I knew I wouldn’t be able to answer. I had cried the whole way back here and I was exhausted but before I could cry myself into a fitful sleep I needed to scrub myself clean. I could still feel his hands all over my body, almost an hour after he touched me for the last time.

I walked into my room and pulled out the first part of pyjamas I touched, not caring what they were or if they even matched. Looking put together was the least of my worries right now. 

The water from the shower and the intense scrubbing did little to rid me of the grimy feeling that I felt still coated my body. 

That night I didn’t sleep, I couldn’t get his face or what we did out of my head. I felt gross and hated myself for being so stupid. How could I have not known who he was? Why didn’t I recognise his face or his voice? Had my brain really been that messed up?

The next few weeks consisted mostly of me hiding in my room or going to work. I was a broken shell and no amount of glue _ (Adam’s fussing)  _ was going to fix me. I didn’t know if I would ever be fixed, I felt like I was making progress but then that prick had to go and ruin my life again. 

Seven weeks after leaving Luke, I got really sick. One minute I was too sick to keep anything down and then the next minute I couldn’t get enough to eat. At first I thought I had caught the stomach bug Adam had a few days before but after three weeks of off and on vomiting, I knew it had to be something else. 

Walking through the female hygiene aisle of the pharmacy was horrible, there were so many options to chose from and I had no idea which one was the best to use, so I picked one in the middle of the price range and hurried over to the checkout. An older lady was manning the cash register, she gave me a large friendly smile as I approached and placed the box on the counter in front of her.

“Oh, how wonderful” Her smile winded as she picked up the test. “I bet you and your fella are excited” 

I give her a small fake smile hoping she would stop trying to make conversation with me and just ring up my items. But she didn’t seem to get the message and kept on talking. “I have three boys and a little girl myself, they are all handfuls but girls are definitely easier” She tells me as she scans my item. I nod my head at her words politely as I hand her over some money. 

“What are you hoping for?” She asks as she hands over my change and the pregnancy test. 

“A negative” I watch as her face falls, the thought hadn’t crossed her mind that I might not be very happy to be potentially with child. 

I walk out of the store, leaving the poor woman standing there looking horrified. I know it wasn’t the kindest thing to do, she was just trying to be polite and make conversation with me and I’m sure most of the woman she’s had that same conversation with answered her question with joy on their faces. But I didn’t have a preference what the gender was, I just wanted the test to come back negative. 

I had never done one before. I was sat on the toilet in my bathroom trying desperately to pee on the stick between my legs and not the hand holding it.  _ (Why make this experience any worse)  _ Once I had finished I placed the cap back on the stick and laid it on the sick. I started to pace the room as I prepared myself for the test to give me the result I already knew. 

I was late, like really late and I knew the sickness I had been experiencing wasn’t the flu but I was still in denial. I would have rather been told that everything I were feeling was because I was dying and not because I had his child growing in my stomach. 

Unfortunately, after three long minutes, that stupid test gave me my answer. I couldn’t hind from it any longer, I was pregnant. The embodiment of my mistakes was tucked up safe and warm in my womb, feeding off me like a parasite. 

«-------------------------------------------PRESENT---------------------------------------------------------------------»

The group were all exchanging looks, by the time I have finished recalling a part of my past. They all looked unsure of where to go from here, none of them knew if making me get the ultrasound was still a viable option. After the story, they had just heard they wouldn’t want to see or have the creeps baby either. 

I was the first to break the uncomfortable silence, none of the others wanted to be the first to speak and I had more information to pass on to them. “I trusted him. I let myself believe that someone could care about me, that I wasn’t nothing but in the end the town slut got both literarily and figuratively fucked”

“I’m almost 100% certain that me getting knocked up was a big cosmic joke” I chuckle humorlessly. “Maybe God finally decided to punish me for all of my sins”

“Getting pregnant isn’t a punishment” Lori informs me as she stands in between her husband and her boyfriend. 

I raise my eyebrow at her, she’s in the same boat as I am. She’s pregnant with another man’s baby because she couldn’t keep her legs closed, that sounded she was being punished for her actions to me. 

“Really? So you don’t think you getting pregnant was God’s way of punishing you for committing adultery? Because I’m pretty sure God wouldn’t be happy with you fucking your _ ‘dead’  _ husband’s best friend barely a week after his _ ‘death’  _ but what do I know I’m just the whore who slept with one of her brother’s murderers” She drops her gaze to the floor unable to look at me or anyone else in the eyes, my words ringing more true then she wanted to admit. 

If looks could kill Shane would have killed me as soon as I opened my mouth to dispute Lori. He’s was looking at me like he wanted to rip my throat out with his teeth. 

Thankfully before Shane could break from his chains and attack me like a wild animal, Carol brought us back to our original goal. I would have rather continued to annoy Shane but you didn’t want to get in Carol’s way when she was in the middle of a task, she might look weak but piss her off enough and she’ll have you begging for mercy in seconds. 

“We’re getting off-topic. Hershel still needs to check out the baby” I go to argue but she holds up a finger and silences me. “We need to know if the baby is no longer...” She stops herself, not wanted to say the word out loud in case that somehow willed it into exitance. 

“If it is we need to deal with it before it makes you sick” She looks me dead in the eyes, making sure her next words reached me. “You could die, Cassandra”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing” I shrug.

She shakes her hand at me unimpressed before taking a calm breath and pulling out her trump card. “I just had to bury my daughter, don’t make me have to bury you to”

Carol’s words and sad, pleading eyes were like a punch to the gut. She was like a skilled predator, she knew exactly where to aim for the killing blow. She was the grieving mother of a girl who’s death I felt personally responsible for. I would give Carol whatever she wanted if it lessened the guilt I was feeling for Sophia’s death. 

I place my head in my hands and sigh heavily before lying back onto the couch, giving in to the pressure Carol was putting on me. Glenn helps Hershel quickly move the machine to the couch, everyone felt like they had to work fast in case I changed my mind. 

“I need you to roll your shirt up and lower your pants to your hips” Hershel orders me as he messes with a few buttons.

I begrudgingly comply, grumbling to myself the whole time. I roll my shirt up and tuck it into the bottom of my bra then lower the sweats until that say on the middle of my hips.

“This might be cold” Hershel warns me as he squeezes the gel onto my stomach. The gel was cold and felt like slime, it was disgusting and was definitely not something I wanted to do again anytime soon. 

Hershel gives me a comforting smile, obviously seeing how anxious I was already. “Ready?” 

“I don’t want to do this” I tell him truthfully, trying to keep the tears at bay, I had already cried more then I would have liked today and the day wasn’t anywhere close to ending. 

“You’re doing the right thing” Carol softly tells me as she takes my shaking hand in hers.

I close my eyes before nodding my head to signal to Hershel that I was ready for whatever he needed to do. I feel him move the wand across my stomach, pushing down slightly. The tension in the room was thick as we all waited for Hershel to give us his assessment on the health of the baby. 

“What’s wrong?” I hear Adam’s panicked voice ask as he moves closer to where Hershel was. 

“I’m not hearing a heartbeat” Hershel said trying to keep his voice calm but we could all hear the slight panic peaking through. 

I’ve killed it. After all this time I’ve finally got my wish, this is what I wanted. I didn’t want to have a baby and now I won’t have too, I prayed for this. I was so sure that hearing Hershel tell me the baby was gone would fill me with joy but the only thing I’m feeling is numb. 

I want to say to myself that this is for the best but the suffocation feeling I have in my chest is telling me I’m thinking something else. If I didn’t care about this baby then why the hell does it feel like someone put their hand inside my chest and is harshly squeezing my heart?

Suddenly there’s a loud whooshing sound followed by a steady thumping noise. My eyes snap open upon hearing it, the sound was causing me a few mixed emotions. The sound made me feel all warm inside and I hated myself for feeling like that. As I listened I had to keep reminding myself that the sound was coming from something I hated and I shouldn’t be glad that the thing had a heartbeat. 

“There you are, sweetheart” Hershel coos in a soft voice, watching the screen with a tender look on his face. 

Adam walks to stand behind Hershel, looking over the older man’s shoulder to get a better look at the monitor. A large smile creeps it’s way on to his face as he stares at the image on the screen, his eyes start to fill with tears the longer he looks at it. 

“This is amazing” He breathlessly whispers, placing a hand on my leg and giving it a small squeeze. 

“Everything is looking okay?” Carol asks Herschel as she leans forward to try and get a look at the baby.

“Good strong heartbeat, she’s slightly on the smaller side but that’s to be expected given the size of her mother and the lack of nutritious food you’ve had access to in the last few months” 

He looked over at me to gauge how his words had impacted me but I had turned away from everyone the moment Carol asked her question. I didn't want anyone to see the tears forming in my eyes, everything felt so confusing.

A part of me wanted to learn more about how the life inside of me was doing but I'm a coward and was too scared to ask. I knew if I asked the small part of me that was semi-attached to the baby would win the battle of wills and I wouldn't be able to look at the baby with the same malice I had before. 

“She?” Adam questions with amazement in his voice.

“I’m not an expert but I’m pretty sure there are no dangly bits between her legs” Hershel jokes. 

There are a few light chuckles from the peanut gallery before Glenn steps forward and addresses Adam. “We brought back the printer that went with it”

“Would you like a sonogram?” Herschel asks Adam as he presses a few buttons.

“I would love one” Adam smiles at Hershel.

Herschel removes the wand from my stomach and starts to whisper to Carol and Adam about something.

“Here” I hear a delicate voice say to me.

I turn and see Hershel's youngest daughter holding out a towel for me. I nod my head in thanks as I wipe the gel from my stomach. Once I was clean I put my shirt and pants back into place. 

“Adam mentioned you had running water?” I say to no one in particular.

“We do” Herschel answers me, stopping his hushed conversation.

“Could I maybe use your shower?” 

He shakes his head at me. “In your condition, I would prefer for you to have a warm bath and to have someone stay with you during in case your body takes a turn” 

“I’ll go with her” Adam volunteers, taking a step closer to me.

“No” Everyone looks at me confused, unsure why I wouldn't want Adam to go with me. “I want someone else”

I looked around the room actively trying not to look in Adam's direction, I knew his face was going to be a mix between confused and hurt. 

“I’ll do it” Maggie steps forward ignoring the puzzled looks, myself and the others were sending her. We hadn't spoken to each other before so her volunteering to help me take a bath was extremely weird.

Carol looks at me. “Is that okay with you, Cassandra?” 

“Sure” I shrug. Everyone in this room had already seen me in my underwear, not like I had much to hide anymore anyway.

Maggie gives me a brief smile before turning to her baby sister. “Beth, could you take her to the bathroom whilst I find something to cover her stitches with?”

“Of course” Beth offers me her hand as her sister disappears into the kitchen.

“Thank you” I grab her hand and we both exit the room together, heading up the stairs. 

«-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------»

I was sitting on the toilet seat as Maggie filled the tub with water and a splash of bubble bath. The room quickly filled with the calming scent of lavender. 

“Do you need help getting out of your clothes?” 

I try to lift my arms above my head but stop halfway up when pain shots across my back. “I think I might”

She steps forward and gently helps me out of my clothes, being extremely careful with my wounds. Once I was stripped naked she grabs the garbage bag she brought with her and tapes it over the stitches on my back and the one on my stomach. 

As soon as she was happy that no water would get to my stitches she helped me stumble into the bath. I sink into the relaxing bath, the stress from the last few days melting away in the warm water. 

“So, when are you going to stop bullshitting yourself and admit that you don’t actually hate the baby inside of you, you’re just scared?” She questions me as she retrieves a jug from under the sink and comes to sit on the edge of the tub.

“You don’t know me or what you’re talking about” I say as she fills the jug with the bathwater and pours it over my head. 

“No, you’re right I don’t know you but from an outsiders perspective, it’s obvious you’re lying to yourself and everyone else” She gives me a knowing look, it was like she could see right through me. “You can tell yourself you want that baby dead but I saw the look on your face when my daddy couldn’t find the heartbeat, you were scared” She grabs a bottle of shampoo and massages it into my greasy hair. 

I take a deep breath and stare into the bubbly water around me. “My mother hated me for something that wasn’t my fault. She got pregnant with me in hoping that I would save her broken marriage. Obviously, I didn’t and she blamed me for her divorce. Took all the anger she felt towards my dad out on me” 

“I’m a fucking hypocrite” I laugh bitterly as the tears start to fall from my eyes. “This baby is as innocent as I was and yet here I am blaming it for my mistakes and taking out the anger I feel towards its father out on it instead” 

She lets me vent all of my emotions to her, staying quiet as she rinses the shampoo from my hair. She knows I just needed to talk through how I was feeling and sometimes it’s easier to talk about a topic you don’t want to if it’s with a person who doesn’t know you. You don’t care if they judge you or lose respect because you’re probably never going to see them again.

“I don’t hate this baby, I hate myself. I trusted someone I shouldn’t have and now I’m left to deal with the consequences of my poor decision making” I run a hand over my stomach. “I don’t want to bring this baby down with me. She deserves someone so much better than me”

“You’re her mother if you think she deserves better than you, be better” She shrugs at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world before standing up and offering me a hand. 

I grab her hand and she helps me out of the bath, I wrap myself in the towel she hands me before we walk out of the bathroom and enter the room I had been staying in. Maggie helps me dress into the clothes that someone had left on the bed for me then leaves me to get some more rest. I had only just woken up for a nap a little while ago but my body was dragging and the sickness that was attacking my body had completely drained me of all the energy I had. 

I get into the extremely comfortable bed and let my eyes drift closed. I feel myself almost instantly falling into the sweet abyss of sleep but just before I fully fall asleep I heard the door open and the side of the bed dipped under the weight of the mystery person.

“I love you” I whisper into the air knowing that the mystery person had to be Adam, it would have been weird for any of the other to lay in bed with me.

I wanted him to know that me not wanted him to be with me earlier wasn’t anything personal I still love him, I just couldn’t be round his smiling face at that point, it was all too much for me.

“I love you too” Adam kisses my forehead before lying down behind me and pulling me into his chest. “Get some rest”

I snuggle into his warm body and quickly fall into a restful sleep. I was hoping that a nap would help me gather my thoughts and mixed feeling and finally come up with a defendant answer on how I was going to deal with the baby from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, there wasn’t a chapter last week this one for some reason was really hard to write. 
> 
> We finally got some answers on why Cassandra is so against being a mother and I can’t wait for the drama that’s going to happen between her and Adam once he works up the courage to confront her. He clearly wasn’t happy with Cassandra’s decision to sleep with her therapist but unlike Cassandra, he doesn’t seem to be holding the baby’s father against it. How do you think Cassandra will act around the baby now that she’s admitted she’s having mixed feelings?


End file.
